[lilredfaery]

well it is a year later. And i did leave him..but i came back, not because i believed his bs but because of the kids and because of my step son.And it has been crazy as ever. After i came back my boyfriends ex showed up at our house and attacked me right in front of the kids, and i called the cops and pressed charges, she is still waiting to go to court. But my boyfriend has not been supportive in me at this at all. All he talked about is she doenst need to lose her job and all this. But anyways I just want this to end for good. I was stupid for coming back but i didn’t want to leave my step son.i am the only one that takes care of him, everything that a parent is suppose to do i am the one that does it for him,i always have, not his parents. I am more his parent then his parents and I worry what will happen to him if i am no longer in the picture because i now they will not take care of him. Just this morning i asked my bf to take the boys to school so i could sleep because i never can because i have work on the weekends and take them to school every day during the week and my step son(i’ll call him N because i hate refering to him that way)was playing on the computer. (he just got on there we didn’t tell him he could)i believe he may have adhd and has transtion problems, well my bf got upset with N because he didn’t want to quit playing games and threatened to punch him in the face.i got up and yelled at my bf not to say that to him. I guess i feel like i am trying to protect him. So i am really worried to leave him in the hands of either of his parents, i would feel like i am abondaning him.Also I am scared of my boyfriends reaction if i tell him I want to break up, and i want to stay in our house, i don’t want to leave I want him to leave.But his name is on the lease too so I know i might have to concede on that one.

so i guess my question is how to i do what i should have done two year ago and end this for good with minimal damage to the kids, exspecially N. How do i let him go knowing the situation he will be in. Because even though he is not legally or biolgically mine, he is mine. How do i let go of one son to do whats best for me and my other two kids?

**Currently my boyfriend has no job, he lost it before thanksgiving basically for stealing oil they couldn’t resale, his mother has a job but is staying at a friends house with a family of seven plus N’s mom and N’s sister and nowhere for him to sleep. he has told me he slept on the floor and on the couch when he goes over there.And what if N’s mother finally does go to court and to jail, then what will happen to him if me and my boyfriend are broken up all ready. Also i am waiting on taxes too so i can pay all the bills becuase even with out a job my boyfriend does manage to scrape up rent. On a brighter note i am trying to go back to school in the fall so i can get a better job and not have to worry about money or weather a man can do his share ever again. sorry for the rambling.

[lilredfaery]

well things have been ok since then but i am planning on leaving him next weekend. I’ve done some reserch and relized this is an emotionally abusive relationship. right now I am feeling overwhelemed. I know leaving is right and i have no doubts about that but i do worry i wont be able to find a job where i am going and how it will effect my kids.

i am also wondering why he he puts up with her abuse.she is verbally and physically abusive to him but he continues to drive her around and put up with it. i just dont understand why he cant say enough is enough.i just worry something bad will happen eventually she has already been to jail and should have more times. i guess there is nothing i can do but i just want to try and understand it. and could this be part of why he has abused me? the whole victim becoming the abuser thing?

[lilredfaery]

also i am wondering if he want to run around and cheat, then why does he act so desperate to keep me? I mean just let me leave and go be with her allready.

[lilredfaery]

we have two, he is the dad, She has two kids. one is his, a boy and the younger one her duaghter is not., Also when i told him i was gonna leave he put a gun that we have to his head and threatend to kill himself right in front of me. The last time i left he threatened susucied to.

[lilredfaery]

thank you for your advice it was very helpful and yes i have known about his cheating before we ever had a second child. I guess i thought if he stopped staying at her house things would be different. But iive relised in the past couple of months that I just don’t feel the same way about him anymore and no matter how hard i tried i just can’t feel that way anymore. I’m hesitant to do child support because i know he won’t pay it ,he owes like 18,000 plus to his ex wife for there two kids. I also worry that if we split he will have my kids around his ex which he has all ready done before against my wishes. Also I don’t make enough money to support myself and the kids right now on my own. I guess I am afraid of leaving and then not being able to do everything on my own. any suggestions?

[lilredfaery]

1. he never asked me and i don’t think he wants to get married and neither do i. I’d like to think i would want to get married someday but maybe not.

2.no he was never married to his ex, he was married once before but not to her.

3.he was arrested in the beging of this year for not paying his speeding tickets but before that no.

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