[sungeun11]

Thanks for your great advice. Here is how I handled the situation and I don’t think I handled it well.

So it has been 2 weeks since I met him and after a second date which is 2 days after I met him, he asked me to date exclusive and he canceled his membership on online dating site. He called me every night and took me to the jazz shows because he knows that I love it. He even played guitar for me through the phone. I told him I don’t want to get into physical relationship quickly and I wanted to take time and he said he admired that. So everything was really fine, but then last Friday, something went wrong at his work- he is a trader and apparently he had lost a lot of money that he couldn’t go to his sky trip he had plan for the long weekend.

He acted distant which is totally understandable, but I couldn’t stop thinking is this how it’s going to be? I understand his situation but I don’t know him long enough to know to accept his sudden change in his action. I couldn’t see him that weekend because I had already planned my weekend with others because I knew that he was going on a trip. Since then he barely texted me and I was naturally down. He called me yesterday and said sorry about his recent behavior change and he wanted to meet last night. So I went..

We had a great time but because of his recent behavior change, I had to tell him how I felt. So, before getting off the car, I told him that all I want from a guy is consistency which I told him at the beginning and I felt like I wasn’t going to get that from him. He was very upset and said that I judged him within such a short period of time without even trying to give it a time to see how he is. To be honest with you April, I totally agree with him, but I am 30 years old and I can already see what is going to happen between us as arrogant as it sounds. I know everyone and every situation is different but I really don’t want to get hurt anymore. It’s not worth it for me, April. If I continue, I will fall for him and you know…

At the end, he said if that’s how I see this relationship then he will leave me alone. He said he really liked me a lot, so if I change my mind, I should contact him.- He was upset the whole time. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed that he didn’t even fight back. I thought he would’ve at least tried to convince me a little.

After that, I barely slept last night because I wasn’t sure what I did was right but at the same time I feel relieved that I don’t have to be obsessed with what he was thinking. Should I have given him chance? Is there something deeply wrong with me? From his prospective, I guess I appeared to be a girl who didn’t understand when he was going through a hard time. Is that what is really happening here or do I actually have a legitimate reason?

Please share your wisdom as how I could have handled differently, so I can learn and grow from here.

[sungeun11]

I totally agree with you that he can date others. However, I definitely feel like he is using me for you know what. It’s ok if I am not his Ms. Right but using someone for sex while you are dating others doesn’t sound right to me and I am hurt. He is definately sleeping with multiple girls as well.

I had sex with him because I initially thought he was a nice guy and I liked him at the time. I just gave him the benefit of the doubt which later proven that I was wrong. Sure, I should be doing the same thing and date others, but once I am sexually involve with one guy, I can’t date others. Once I realised he is using me, I avoided him. He still texts me when he needs some.

Now I just need to move on from him. Please help me what I should tell him via text. I want to remain cool. This is at least what I can do for myself to save some dignity.

[Member]

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