[I just don’t know]

Oh, do you have me pegged! I hate drama and conflict and, will avoid it at all costs…and as you say, often to my own and others’ dismay after the fact. Even as a kid, I always wanted to keep the peace.

You are correct, my bf does not have children of his own (although does maintain a casual relationship with grown step children he once had). I’m sure this is why he was so easily able to completely and totally fall in love with mine.

So. Time for some hard evaluation I guess. I suspect you’re right, that my reasons are actually excuses. The bloom is off the rose and, I’ve really got to decide what’s going to happen because I know in my heart, my bf is plugging along thinking everything is just fine….that’s not fair either.

Thank you so much for your feedback! VERY much appreciated.

[I just don’t know]

Thank you so much for your sage advice. You are right, although I don’t like to admit it: I’m not getting what I want. Unfortunately, I think this is true on a few levels.

Our bedroom life is definitely not what I would like it to be nor is it what I am used to prior to meeting bf. I guess this is having a bigger impact that I’d like to acknowledge.

As for the commitment part though (re: moving in together or marrying), it’s been a question of circumstance. An important piece of information I failed to mention in my first post is that my bf and I do not live in the same town. I live in a city setting and, he lives in an outlying suburb. This hasn’t been a problem to this point and, we obviously knew what we were getting into prior to hooking up. We have always seen each other at least once a week (all weekend) in addition to usually getting together for dinner once a week. So, it is not a typical out-of-town relationship in that regard.

We’ve kept things as is for three reasons (or, what I thought was only three reasons prior to your response):

My kids are tied to their schools – one is in a specialized arts school , which would not be an option available if we moved outside the city; the other two (twins) being in a gifted program.

The second reason for not joining our two homes has been bf’s job in the suburb, which he has been at for over 27 years and, has all the related benefits and seniority. That would be a lot to expect someone to give up.

A third and important reason for the kids and I to stay put has been their amazing relationship with their dad. He and I have been divorced for many years but, he is the kindest, most involved father you’d ever like to see three kids have. They love their dad dearly and, as we live relatively close together, they are at his home frequently and, would miss this aspect of their life terribly if we were to move before they were legally adults and thus, more independent.

I don’t know: perhaps these are just excuses? They “seemed” like reasons to me….

But no, our sex life is simply not what I’d like it to be. In fact, I’ll admit that I’ve not initiated anything in quite some time. That said, I’ve never turned down his advances but, I don’t feel inspired to initiate anything intimate myself.

I appreciate that “a healthy sex life” includes many different things for many people….and, I know that my bf truly enjoys our sex life. He has said time and time again nothing makes him happier than being intimate with me and making me happy. That makes me even sadder to be feeling the way I feel about things.

Thank you again for reading and, I hope everyone out there has a great day today!

[Member]

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