[mynina]

I see. Hard to hear that 😥 actually 325 cash gone no gift cards I found one of them laying around. He just lost his job so he works under the table because he wanted the fastest opportunity for us to get money till he can get a real job again. I think it would be a good idea for me to work though. I have took your advice to go about moving on in order for things to work or it will just get deeper… & I know he is genuine it’s just hard to know everything that has happened while he claims he wouldn’t do such a thing. I guess I will have to wait and see how everything will go when the baby comes because my son is more important and I won’t keep being in a toxic relationship and someone that can’t value me. Thank you for your advice and time 😀

[mynina]

I have. One of them would be sometimes I need to stop constantly questioning him as if I don’t trust him, which I don’t intentionally mean to make it seem like. I’ve been working on some things I need to work on hes mentioned from previous arguments we’ve got into. But right now its really hard at the place we are at now, especially when he isn’t giving me too many reasons to trust him or the fact that hes showing me he wants our marriage to work after the incident and trying to move forward. He still goes out on his day offs for whatever reason, 5+ hours gone with no calls, then will have an excuse on why he didn’t do what he told me. Hes not giving me too many reasons to trust or assured nothing is going on– We live with my grandparents and have no money. He works under the table for 2 1/2 weeks and I have yet to see any cash come in, he said he is waiting for his check and he has used this excuse 3times for being out a long long period of time because he is handling it with them. Also we just had a baby shower that has gave us $600 for our baby. This is the ONLY money we have… And both agreed it is only for our son. So far we’ve spent $160 and now we only have $65 only in walmart and babies r us gift card. With $375 gone me and my husband only know about this and I have yet to spend it with so many things I need to for the baby. Money has been slowly missing since the day the incident started, I brought it up as soon as it was missing but he claims he didnt take it but money still has been going since. He has a money saving problem and we both know that. I try my best to help him and us and he has been making progress, but very slowly. Being homeless, a runway, living with friends or strangers he has had a stealing problem before throughout his life. I just wouldn’t think it would be in our own marriage. Now that there is nothing to take, I find it weird how all the money and debit gift card are taken but not the other gift cards. Could he be taking it?? He says maybe we misplaced it, but i have been keeping update with the money/whats been taken EVERYDAY… This is really making things difficult for me to try and make things work and to trust him. I feel like everything is just adding up and it could possibly be true that he is doing more than just internet affairs and still is, since he is still going out handling “things”….

[mynina]

Well I do want to work it out at a certain extent, but then I don’t because I feel Im putting in my part to try fix it. And because of that I feel I will still end up losing a second time around because he is not being so open right now about the main problems in our marriage and with that how will be able to fix the problems of why he went to online relationships(even though I have to chosen to forget and move on in order to make our relationship bc he will never be honest about it). Where do we go forward. I am trying with myself. I know we have problems and its the reason why he went elsewhere, but I am getting nothing from him. I have decided to just bite the bullet and just move on about the whole infidelity situation in order for things to work. I have told him even though I believe him I would like to know about our problems in our relationship and he has only told me and acted that everything is fine-there are no problems he is happy, satisfied by me emotionally, physically etc. He has understood with me that being open about everything will only benefit us and that’s something hes openly to do but says theres no need to do that now when everything is okay. I am quite confused. Where is he meeting me half way. If anything I am trying to make this work more than he seems to.

[mynina]

I see what you’re saying. Something I would’ve never considered due to the way I think… It just really bothers me knowing I wasn’t the one for him or that one special person for him to stay true to all naturally. Its like a slap in my face knowing I was suppose to be the “one” who was special to him and then he goes against me with another woman(s) to take that away from me as if some woman had to seemed greater than me for him to be distracted from me, like now I have no meaning to him Im not that ONE person who is “great” or “special” to him. Almost as if now Im no different to other women, I am no longer recognized as what makes me “different”/”special” out of all these other women bc he has cheated. I really feel that 2 people should have this one of a kind “bond” or “connection” that separates them from other people outside the relationship. Its why you’re with them and only them. you and your partner shouldn’t seek to someone else to fill you or their needs when you already have that someone. And because of that, that’s what makes you want to be with and stay with only with. Isn’t that why you are with this person? The only one that should fulfill you… I don’t believe that in order to obtain a successful long-term relationship one of the other or both cheat somewhere down the road. Like is there such a thing of having a successful long-term relationship with no infidelity whatsoever? If there is such a thing, are we just wasting our time since we don’t satisfy each other enough to stay happy and content with another willingly and naturally and because of that there is someone else out there meant for us? Are we both wasting our times and aren’t each others soulmates? How can I get over my trust issues and will we ever obtain a successful relationship again??

[mynina]

Thank you I see what you’re saying… Well we had agreed to him taking me for a walk, massaging me and reading the bible which he hasn’t been doing when he says he will. There are a lot of days when I just let it go or remind him about or other things, but still he doesn’t follow up with it most of the time and half the time he doesn’t do it because he is tired from playing basketball even though he knew what he had to do. I understand that people forget, they’re tired or something comes up, but if happens frequently I don’t think it’s excusable and especially when I start to feel that he’s not prioritizing me. So I was telling him that night about how he needs to keep his word and I kept going on because I was frustrated how we’ve gone through this before and that he wasn’t really saying much when I was addressing my issue, it was like he was just “hearing” me but not actually “listening” to what I had to say. We have had a few of these before so this is why I always get frustrated because we have gone through it enough for him to know better. I don’t expect change right away, but not if we go over the same issue multiple times… After we compromise and have an understanding of the issue I have always and always given him the benefit of doubt and then he lets me down repeatedly which has made me complain more about it. Yes there are some days when I do see him trying and making progress, I try not to let it get it to me to give him some slack, but sometimes I just can’t help it because it really bothers me thinking he’s not really trying or that he doesn’t care anymore. So fast forward thats how it ended when he went downstairs for a couple hours till I went down to get him. My question is how can we move forward when he keeps denying about what he did on everything I have found?? I have asked him about what are the main problems in are relationship, where do I lack in, and he explained his faults and then moved on to what I need to work on- How I don’t believe him sometimes, I know I can be too much in asking him things, but SOMETIMES I feel it shouldn’t be a problem when I am just cluing myself in on things I don’t know or am unsure about and I have been really trying to fix this flaw. I almost feel he is saying it mostly so I can believe him about this internet incident. I have told him that if it’s not you, wouldn’t you be embarrassed and do whatever you can to fix it with these sites that have your name, pictures, information, etc. that make you look bad and make me look stupid that you are married and doing inappropriate things. All he said was he is, but is more worried that whoever is doing this might get our personal information( bills, etc.) through his email and that whatever is being done online is just online by someone else and this person can’t be meeting them physically… It’s almost as if because he hasn’t done anything beyond internet infidelity except interacting only online- He isn’t worried if I do end up finding the messages and whats being done on his accounts, I won’t have anything on him because his excuse will be that it is nothing because it is only online and that those people interacting with him is actually someone else not him. He’s smart he does it only online and he figures he can’t get caught because he hasn’t met them physically so people and myself won’t have anything on him because his excuse is its someone else. It’s a lose lose for me, even if I find everything on his accounts I still won’t get his honesty… How can I have him to be fully honest about this situation? How can we move forward when he keeps denying about what he did on everything I have found?

[Member]

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