[Suezana99760]

Thank you, April. I appreciate the frank response. I think the title of my question may have been a little misleading- I haven’t been hanging on waiting for him, per se. I, myself, am in limbo. I was in a 5 year relationship that broke up shortly before my mother’s death. I had been her caregiver and it put a big strain on the relationship. He left me. I let him go. My mother’s care was my priority until her death. This new man, my “friend” came on like gangbusters when I resurfaced a little while after grieving. He was so attentive, I actually was very direct with him. I said, “If you’re interested in me, then ok, but if you’re not, please leave me alone.” He stayed away for about a month and came back, saying he really wanted me in his life, he really wanted my friendship. I said OK because I needed someone too and he seemed kind and genuine. It was at that point that I stopped looking at him as a potential love interest and our friendship began, then accelerated. I have always viewed him as my “safe” person. Someone I don’t have to be “on” for, someone I can be honest with, someone who has my back and someone I look out for. The fact that he has 2 great kids who I have grown to love was a bonus. Am I hiding? Possibly. It’s been a tough road for me through the end of my relationship and the loss of my mother. I did not want to go back “out there” then and I still don’t really feel like it. I have my job and my horse, and my dogs and activities I like. Have I been waiting for him to see me differently? I really don’t think so. At least not consciously. It was only when these few things happened, seemingly one right after the other right around the Holidays that made me start thinking that maybe HE is feeling differently. But I don’t know if I’m reading into his words and actions or if he really is being different. The flip side of that is I’m not sure I want the answer. He is very important to me. His kids are very important to me. Do I even want to risk finding out if he wants to take this further? Would I say yes? Would I say no? What if either of those answers screws us up beyond repair? Is the devil you know better than the devil you don’t?

You gave me something to think about. It seems like you are saying his actions do warrant me asking about them if I decide to go that path. It’s nice to read that maybe it’s not my imagination.
Thanks again. I appreciate your time.

[Member]

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