[Bookandkettle85]

Thank youI for your advice April. I just wanted to clarify a couple points, to make sure we’re on the same page. First, the only one of these men that my daughter has been exposed to was her father. I left him because he had crossed the line from (for me) intangible emotional abuse to the much easier to identify problem of physical abuse, which he had never practiced until I finally started deciding not to take his word on everything as gospel. The incident involving the gun was part of that first time physical abuse from him, and I left him that night, taking my daughter with me and fighting for custody until he is only allowed to see her under supervised conditions (and since he rarely keeps up with that, she is less and less exposed to him). The two men after my marriage were never permitted to be near her. When the first man started coming by to my house uninvited, I broke up with him. The second never got near her, though I admit the fact that he never crossed that line still surprises me.

Now, all this is not to say that I don’t see your point. I do. I just felt compelled to assure you that aside from the rotten choice of father, she has always been protected as well as I was able. She is my life. I’d do anything for her, and that does include being alone for the next 12-14 years. I have faith that I do put her first. However, as much as I see the problem, I don’t see how to fix my boundary issues. I went into both the post-martial relationships with a firm plan in mind, I was vocal about my plan, and it still fell apart. I guess I am just afraid that I’m doomed to endless issues like this regardless of waiting for my girl to grow up. I really want to understand how to implement better boundaries. I promise. Do you have any books or something like that you could suggest? Just for me to begin working on being a better person on this issue? I want to have a satisfying love life, if not now, then in the future.

[Member]

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