[Lilmellis]

No you’re right so far about the lesbian thing I like women but she’s bisexual. So being with men is not a new thing for her and it’s not like seeing her with men upsets me we’ve been friends for 10 years and I was her best friend before we started dating I know her better than anybody so here’s what I’m thinking

You’re right there’s some opportunity here I really appreciate it! I know it seems that way but this isn’t just something small we’ve been friends for 10 years we were best friends before we started dating if I cut the cord and separate all of our stuff it’s going to be forever there’s no going back. For me there is no gray area

I want to be with her there is no question about it I never wanted to break up as clear as she has been about her feelings I have been crystal-clear about mine and all of the things that I do and say she’s aware that my feelings have not changed. She’s even gone as far as to say I’ll let you know if something needs to stop. But it never does,she even mentioned something about watching me fight myself when I’m thinking about saying something or doing something. Most of the time it’s because I just want to tell her that I lover I that I want to kiss her but it’s just not the right time I want her to come to me that’s the only way I’m going to know if it’s okay at this point I don’t think it’s me that’s the issue.I never knew that I was causing pain this depression was like a curtain over my eyes. Yeah she saw me in a weak state of mind but she’s also send me improve and she’s constantly telling me about it and reinforcing it every day.

We acknowledge that the conversations are easier and she told me to stop apologizing that there’s nothing else I have to do she sees the improvements in my behavior and the way I talk and just everything about me every single day and it makes her feel more comfortable and safe. Who says that to their friend? She tells me that I’m the one confused but I know what I want there’s never been a question about that. I’m not the one that’s in a relationship I’m a free agent pursuing what I want 110% because for me she is it I don’t want to be The anybody else believe me I’ve tried I’ve been seeing other people and dating but it just doesn’t feel right and I’ve taken space it’s not like we didn’t. But she’s like a magnet and being in front of her is like getting air after you’ve been underwater for too long

It’s not like a regular break up where we’re not around each other or I’m begging to hang out with her she’s coming to me. Yeah I behaved like a terrible person for a while things got pretty ugly and I know that she was
Upset and mad and hurt she should’ve taken her stuff and left but instead she got some space jumped immediately into a rebound relationship.

she doesn’t post anything about it on Facebook she doesn’t show happiness in the relationship this guy is not a regular type of guy she whatever be with. She even wants to constantly remind me that she’s happy and that she’s in a relationship but then she says things like I’ll let you know if you need to stop or if I’m feeling uncomfortable.

I cuddle her I kiss your four head and her shoulders and rub her back she lets me she does those things back. She even comes and stayed at my house now obviously were not sexual but I don’t do that stuff with my friends.

she told me that she has shared what’s going on with him. It’s like if she was giving me a reason to move on I would do it but because of how hurt she was I can understand why she would want to be with someone else so that she could feel happy.

At the time I was completely unavailable emotionally and he gave her attention when I didn’t. He made it easy when I made it difficult. I totally get that but other than that he’s a safe choice everything else that she has she shares with me.

I honestly just feel like she’s hurt and I think she’s using him as a crutch like she can’t invest in me fully as long as she’s invested in him. She can do everything else and be around me and push boundaries but as long as she’s connected to him she can’t take it all the way I feel like she’s healing and wants me to be her friend and she’s not entirely sure what’s going to happen but it’s almost like she’s keeping me around so that we can rebuild a foundation and start over but she’s keeping him around so she doesn’t jump been completely to fast, she always jumps head first into relationships and I’m just thinking that maybe she’s afraid to jump because last time she did it I didn’t catch her and she doesn’t want it to fail if she does that make sense?

I realize what you’re saying but it feels different she’s not using me she has her own money is it bad that she wants to be close to me? Maybe it helps to remember how she feels. She said to me I didn’t stop loving you because I wanted to it was because I had to protect myself because it hurt too much. So could not mean that she still loves me? She’s not letting yourself because she’s afraid she’s going to get hurt like before

[Member]

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