[confusedsemester]

I actually hadn’t heard about that perspective before. I’ll be doing quite a bit of introspection now to try to work on it. Thank you so so much!!

[confusedsemester]

Yes that’s exactly what I meant. Thank you so much this is really helping a lot! 🙂

That being said, if I wanted to try harder to make this work, do you know of any techniques to help get over this jealous aspect?

[confusedsemester]

Thank you so so much for your help!

I think i’m going to give us another chance though and hopefully work through it.. that being said do you have any tips/helpful insight into getting over his past? It’s bad in the sense that anything even remotely physical that comes up on TV, talk, or even between us makes me think and picture them.

[confusedsemester]

Hi!
So there’s a 1.5 year age gap between us. I’m 19 and he’s 21. And I completely understand and respect the “we’re both young in life so explore” argument, however we’re both truly committed, and I don’t want to lose him by using that sole excuse when he truly has the potential to be the one. He honestly checks most every box for me except for the feelings that people say you should have when you’re “in love” – i.e. getting excited when I see his name on my phone etc.

We used to go to the same high school together (he was dating another girl at this time) and he broke up with her in the summer because they had a very toxic relationship. They remained fwb for a couple weeks before they both left for college because during their time together they had invested so much time and codependency in the other that they found themselves alone and weren’t sure what to do. Anyways, she and i had mutual friends so she invited me to her house with them in early August. At this point they had already broken up (2014) and I had already talked, knew, and liked both of them from a while ago. We were all just a giant bunch of mutual friends. So later that night I happened to add him as a Snapchat friend (yes yes bare with me please) and we started to talk and text. We found that we liked a bunch of the same things but we still were different enough to enlighten each other about different topics. Somehow we became friends and started texting every single day. Not until probably early/mid-October (we started dating late October) did I ever think of him as being more so or sense any interest from him in that way. Yet during this time we would stay up until past 3 am talking and laughing and sharing jokes (via distance). I was still in my hometown and he was in college 3 hours away. Rewind back to late August, his ex had started to get hopes that maybe they could get back together (which he didn’t know about) so when she heard that he had started talking to me daily, she created a very large fiasco. (It’s fair to note that I, being a slightly jealous person, have had many troubles in our relationship accepting his past history of relationships (2 people) and that has been a major issue for us that we try to work through.). Eventually he asked me out (unfortunately via phone although he apologized profusely for doing such). We got to see each other numerous times during Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, Spring break, and especially during the summer when he came back to town and went on a very large amount of dates. But now I am in college (2015) and it is 2 hours away from him. I don’t have the capability to visit him and he has been able to visit only once this semester but we have continued our daily communications.

We knew this would be a long distance relationship before we came into it, and now it’s sunk in. He recently was lucky and talented enough to get an internship and post-college work position at Boeing in Seattle where he’ll be spending the summer and college after. I’ll still be at college but some of my graduate colleges I’ve been looking at are very very close by there, and he also looked into different positions that would allow him to move to be in the same city that i will be.
I know age might be a factor, but to help clarify we’re both the type of people who are okay with marrying young and are sincere to each other etc. That isn’t a problem in the least. In one of his messages today he said that he hopes I end up happy, regardless of if i end up with him or not, and if i decide it is him he said it doesn’t care if it takes me weeks or months to decide (Obviously i don’t want to go to that length of time without knowing haha).

My biggest concern right now are just my emotions. I’ve spent hours trying to get help online and all places say if you have to question whether you love someone then that’s not love. But I care for him so extremely much that it must be love.. right? A very large problem in our relationship is me accepting his past relationships and promiscuity with them (he has been much more than me) and I’m worried that that unconsciously lead to these feelings. He’s willing to talk through anything, and this topic has come up often unfortunately on my behalf. The last time we were together I unconsciously got mentally upset because I pictured him telling them the same things he had been telling me at the time. I don’t know if that’s the reason lately I’ve felt less of a spark between us or not, or maybe it’s just natural to just have the feeling of being “safe and complacent” with the other. I’ve cried and been so terribly upset thinking about everything we’ve gone through and how i don’t want to lose that.. But I also don’t want to play with his emotions since he seems to truly and unequivocally love me..

I know it’s hard to offer advice without actually seeing/being with/ understanding my emotions, but please please let me know what you think! I really really don’t want to lose him but I want to be happy too.. Is this a normal feeling of happiness after dating someone this long? Thank you so so much!

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