[essco]

Thank you for your kind reply. I think I will try my A+ game (don’t know what that is yet 🙂 ) On another note, I always thought these type of sites were for (expletive deleted) 🙂 I thought the vast majority of letters probably went unanswered. (I however and not so dumb as to think April actually responds to each letter.) I also thought the answers were probably put together by computer (I am a computer programmer, and run my own company, over 30 years). I had never heard of your site I just googled Help… and your site was one of the options. I couldn’t believe I didn’t have to buy a recurring membership. It certainly appears that someone read what I wrote and responded with warmth and intelligence. Thank you, again. I will let you know what happens. By the way how I handle those recurring memberships I go to Walmart and buy a credit card (costs $4) I put enough money on the card for as long as I will want the service. Most of the time Is a month or two. I also set up a separate Hotmail account (which I never look at…eventually Microsoft will cancel the account…and I can be spammed forever cause I never look at it. (The card also costs $3 a month). So two months cost me $10. However when one considers that most of those places are at least $30 a month and some are $100 a month or more. So if I forget to cancel the account, the credit card runs out and they can send me emails, do whatever they want. One can use a made up name, made up telephone number, and a made up address. So when they turn you over to a collection agency (usually like 6 months after you have stopped paying to rip you off) the agency can call a fictitious number and send nasty letters to nowhere. They can email the Hotmail account, it is never looked at. If you use online credit card maintenance after you get your “real” credit card, you can go in and change the address to a fictitious address (even though the credit card cannot give out your address, this assures they won’t. Why? My daughter is 36. When she was in seventh grade she needed to a paper. At that time CompuServe was the only place to go. I setup an account at my office (home computers pretty much didn’t exist) . Because bills were paid by the company and unless there was a strange a charge bills were simply paid. When my daughter was a sophomore in college, a “new hire” clerk walked into my office and said, “Why do we have a CompuServe account? I didn’t even know they were in business?” So for seven years I paid monthly whatever the amount. They knew I had not used their servicer for years and they did nothing. If I stopped paying they would have contacted me. Businesses (as mine) should make money because of the product or service they offer. They should not make money off of the ignorance of their customers. There is one other benefit to this method, your credit card number and password cannot be stolen, it is actually a debit card. Once again thank you again.

[essco]

I feel really bad. History:

January 26 – we had been corresponding via email over match for like 2 weeks. There was a Buddy Holly “Winter Dance Party” on January 28th. It was a remembrance of the next to last Buddy Holly concert before he died, at the very ballroom where the concert had taken place. On-line I asked her if she would like to go (I promised her a good time.) She said she would meet me there. I sent her my phone number.

January 28 – She called me when she got there. I walked out to the lobby, when I saw her, she was even more beautiful than her pictures. She said, “You look exactly as I thought.” I said “You are more beautiful than your pictures.” This conversation was held while we hugged each other. I am not kidding, I had heard people talk about an “electric shock” when they hugged someone. This was the first time I had ever felt that. She had wine. I had beer. We danced. She held my hand. She put her arm around me. When I put my arm around her she moved in closer to me. During the intermissions we talked. She had beautiful Brown Eyes. I learned a little about her, including a terrible car accident 5 or 6 years ago. After we sat in her car, talked and kissed a bit. When I went home, I wrote her an email, starting with the “rules” say this shouldn’t be done, but I wanted to tell you again thank you for the wonderful evening.”

January 29 – She wrote back in the morning saying she too would have written last night but she was really tired. She said wonderful wasn’t a good enough “enchanting” was a better word. Then she said, she had a Disney Cruise planned in three days. She went out of her way to point out she was going with her brother and nieces and nephews. Said it was a 15 day excursion. I wrote back asking if we could have breakfast one day before she left? No answer(?)

…To February 17… I have gone through two divorces and I never felt so alone. I wrote her two emails. In the second I asked her out to dinner when she gets back. It is a really nice upscale restaurant and it had a folk singer whom I knew. No answer(?) Then on Thursday I get an email saying she would love to go there. “I don’t know what more a girl could ask for” she responded. She also asked if I would pick her up. And I responded yes. I fashion myself a bit of a poet. She pointed out the last poem I had sent moved her heart.

February 20 – I picked her up. One could tell she spent a long time preparing for the night. We had a great dinner. We talked. We laughed. And we found we had a little in common. We also had the same outlook on life. And we shared some “secrets”. We then went into the bar to listen to the singer. I walked into the bar and a couple friends (including the folk singers significant other) said hi to me and I introduced them to her. When I picked her up I brought a pink rose, and a chocolate rose. I gave her a valentine’s day card (I made it) I received a kiss and a hug. We listened to the music talked she rubbed my back I put my arm around her. I took her home kissed her goodnight. I floated back to my car and drove home. I again emailed her thanking her for the night.

February 21 – She emailed me reiterating she couldn’t remember when she had had such a good time. I sent her an email every night. One of them was simply a little essay on who I thought she was. The morning after she received that she texted me, “You made my heart go side to side” (which was a line from a poem I had sent her. There was nothing happening the next weekend, I suggested I could bring a DVD to her place, we could have Pizza, Wine, and Movies. No answer(?) And I begin to panic. I send her an email telling her “no” is a legitimate answer. No answer(?) This is when I wrote the above note to you. I wrote her an email basically saying I just wanted to watch a movie. (Implied that I was not expecting sex.) No answer(?). I am feeling terrible. So I wrote her another “stupid” email. I didn’t want to lose her before I had her…(no answer)

….February 29 – I write her a more subdued email (the other emails basically said love me love me love me NOW) (I could kick myself). There was a really go band (what is left of the Grassroots) playing at a local bar. I asked her if she would like to go out for fish (it was Friday, it is Lent, this is Wisconsin). (no answer). I sent her other emails, one with one of my favorite stories. I did get an email that said the story was beautiful, and how she liked reading my stories. (nothing about Friday night. So on Thursday I call her. All phone calls up to this time have been ignored and never returned. Amazingly she answers. We talk for 2 hours. Somewhere she agrees to go out on Friday night.

March 5 – (During the day I text her, “Every hour that goes by, makes me smile more, as I get closer to seeing you.” She texts back she to is excited about going out tonight. I pick her up, we go for fish, it is really good. She genuinely liked it. When I picked her up I brought her a yellow rose. We stopped at my place, I gave her the grand tour. I have a movie screen and a projector and during the tour, she said, “We can do whatever you want.” I didn’t want to misinterpret that so I said I wanted to dance. And off to the bar we went. I got there and introduced her to probably 40 people I knew to varying degrees. They all treated her fine. We danced all night. She told me she could not remember when she had had so much fun. The slow dances were electric. I had made her a very nice “friendship” card. She said she was afraid she would bend the card, and she didn’t want that to happen because she wanted to put it in a special place. I drove her home. As I kiss her tonight we are both in good humor. I say I want to do this. She smiles and says OK. (She tells me she hasn’t danced (like that) in five years. I go home and drop her an email.

March 6 – I receive a text from her reiterating how much fun the night was

…. The next weekend there is a better than average all girl band playing at a bar. I suggest we spend Saturday together. We could go for a walk. Have a picnic. Go back to her place (take a nap…clean up) go out for a late Pizza and then go dancing. (no answer). I am a guy. I don’t know what is happening. I think maybe she thinks all I want to do is get her in bed. So I send yet another really stupid email. There are lines in it like “Of course I hope our relationship ends up in bed, but not Saturday, I just want to spend some time with you.” I am such a putz. (no answer) She has 5 kids and spends time talking to them at night. So I am in a meeting and I text her and say, “Are you gonna be around tonight” She responds Hi, Yes. I text back to her saying I am in a meeting I will call her later. She responds OK. As luck would have it a friend calls me and is in rough straits and wants to just call. I have a rule. There will always be time for a friend. So I end up talking and listening for a couple hours. When I try calling her, there is no answer. But it is awfully late. So I go home and I email her. I try to tell her what I planned to say in the telephone conversation. I also explain why I didn’t call. I try to back peddle. I say I don’t want to put any pressure on you. How about we just go dancing Saturday night. I also say I just wanted to tell you you could trust me. In the morning I text her, asking her if she was up and if I could call her. About a half hour later I get a text, I understand why you didn’t call. I do not want to pursue a relationship with you.

A little bitty tear let me down. I texted back, I am emailing you, would you read it. She texted back, “Yes, I am a sucker for those things.” I am shocked. I feel really really bad. I don’t know what to say. So I say, “Now that I am free I can say, I love you. I honestly love you.” And I apologize for pressuring her. (I didn’t tell her this but in fact I was trying to do just the opposite, evidently didn’t know how.) I ended with three lines. I will not email or annoy you in any way. I am not crazy, you do not have to worry about me running into you God forbid stalk you. And finally I am a better man because I knew you.

I would like to talk with her. (In love’s smoldering embers one spark may remain). But the last lines would make me a liar if I sent her an email or phoned her. I know 4 dates does not a relationship make. But, she was everything I ever wanted in a woman. I know you cannot make someone love you (nor would one want that) she couldn’t have been lying to me about our time together (no matter how short). I was just stupid. Is there any hope? Is there anything I can do? Any help would be appreciated.

(Sorry about the length of this)
Charlie

[Member]

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