[Ethan Morales]

The key issue here isn’t “mixed signals” it’s clear behavior. This guy never actually followed through on a date or treated you like someone he was genuinely pursuing. His actions canceling, shifting plans, labeling you as “just friends” speak louder than the flirtatious texts or past interest. He hasn’t shown commitment, and you’re reading into signals that aren’t there.

You also unintentionally took on the role of pursuer. Men generally respond better when they feel like they’re leading, initiating, and winning a woman over. By continually initiating texts, arranging schedules, and pressing for the date, you removed the opportunity for him to act like the one who “chases.” That doesn’t mean you’re at fault it just means the dynamic wasn’t set up in your favor.

The real takeaway is that actions matter far more than words or intentions. He has not shown the behavior of a man truly interested in dating you, and chasing him will only lead to frustration and hurt. The smart move is to step back, focus on yourself, and allow men to pursue you. Give him space, and let him either step up naturally or fade out don’t invest energy trying to make him act differently. stop initiating, recognize his lack of genuine interest, and redirect your energy toward someone ready and willing to match your level of care and attention.

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s my take: April’s advice is solid, and I agree with the reasoning behind it. You’re 26, at a point where your education and career are critical for your future, and this is a rare, concrete opportunity that won’t wait. Your boyfriend’s financial situation and current career stage are his own challenges they are not your responsibility to fix or accommodate.

Loving someone deeply doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold. Long-distance relationships can work, but they’re extremely demanding, and he’s already signaling that he struggles with that kind of commitment. If you stay in Greece primarily for him, you may sacrifice personal growth and experiences that are essential at this stage in your life.

Your feelings for him are real, and it’s painful to consider separation, but the bigger picture is your life trajectory. Go to England, pursue your master’s, focus on your growth if your relationship is strong, it can adapt; if not, you won’t be held back by regret. prioritize your future now, while keeping your heart open. Real love should support growth, not limit it.

[Ethan Morales]

This guy’s been juggling you and another woman for two years. That’s not confusion; that’s a pattern. He’s comfortable getting emotional support and attention from you while still keeping his options open. That “I miss you” text after two weeks wasn’t a turning point it was a check to see if you’re still available.

You’ve already made the smartest move by stepping back and setting standards: no late-night visits, no casual “booty call” energy. But the truth is, if you want a healthy, respectful relationship, it’s probably not going to be with him. Like April said, he’s shown you who he is your power now is in believing him. You’re doing the right thing by walking away, not by hoping he’ll come back.

[Ethan Morales]

I think April handled this really well because she’s not just blaming one person she’s looking at how both of you communicate and how that shapes what’s happening. Jealousy itself isn’t bad; it’s usually a sign that something in the dynamic feels off, like a need for reassurance that isn’t being met.

Your boyfriend saying “it’s not my responsibility to make you feel secure” sounds cold but there’s a grain of truth and a problem in that. It’s not his job to fix your self-esteem, but in a healthy relationship, both partners should contribute to each other’s sense of safety. Dismissing your feelings instead of trying to understand them is what’s making this worse.

Also, if he’s openly talking about “hot” coworkers or watching porn in ways that disrespect you, that’s not okay. But if he’s just occasionally checking someone out or watching porn privately, that might be something you can learn to interpret differently not as a threat, but as a separate, less emotional behavior.

You two sound like you care about each other, but your communication needs work. Try shifting from “You’re hurting me when you do this” to “I feel disconnected and insecure when this happens can we talk about what helps both of us feel respected?” the issue isn’t just jealousy it’s mutual empathy and communication. He needs to stop dismissing you, and you might need to separate your self-worth from his habits a bit more.

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah, I agree with April here your husband’s reaction isn’t really about what you did, it’s about his own insecurity and unresolved trust issues. You were honest, you cut contact with those men, and this all happened long before he was in your life.

The fact that he cheated and blamed it on something from your past is unfair and emotionally manipulative. You can’t fix what’s going on in his head only he can, likely with therapy or serious self-reflection.

You’ve done your part. If he keeps punishing you for something you didn’t do wrong, the problem isn’t your past it’s his inability to live in the present.

[Ethan Morales]

That’s a really painful situation, and honestly, I feel for you. From what you’ve shared and from what April Masini wrote I agree with her take. Your family’s behavior isn’t just about “preferences” or “opinions”; it’s rooted in prejudice, and that’s something you shouldn’t have to excuse or manage.

It’s understandable that your mom might dislike smoking that’s a valid concern. But the way she and your family are treating your boyfriend goes far beyond that. Making fun of his looks or using a cruel nickname, especially behind your back, is deeply disrespectful not only to him but to you too. When the people closest to you refuse to respect your choices or the person you love, it can feel like you’re being forced to pick sides, and that’s a terrible position for anyone to be in.

You’ve already done something emotionally mature you tried to reduce the tension and protect your boyfriend without humiliating him. But as April said, there comes a point where protecting peace means setting boundaries, even if that means distancing yourself from family for a bit.

You’re at an age where you’re starting to define your own values who you are separate from your family’s influence. Standing up to them (calmly, but firmly) shows strength and integrity. You’re not choosing your boyfriend over your family you’re choosing respect, fairness, and emotional safety.

It’s hard, but it’s also a defining moment one that’ll shape how people treat you and your relationships in the future. You deserve a family that supports you and a partner who feels welcome in your world.

[Ethan Morales]

I can feel how much pain you’re in the loneliness, the sexual disconnection, the way you’re internalizing all of it as failure. But here’s the thing: none of this means you are a failure. It means your environment, your habits, and your relationship dynamics are draining you. You’ve been surviving, not thriving. Big difference.

April’s tone is harsh, but her core message is solid you’ve been reacting to life, not steering it. The way your stepmother controlled you, then the way you leapt into living with your boyfriend both are extensions of the same pattern: seeking safety and approval instead of building independence first. That’s not weakness, that’s conditioning. But now that you see it, you can start breaking it.

The 40 cats and dependency cycle? That’s emotional clutter literal and symbolic. When someone grows up under control or guilt, they often surround themselves with things to care for (animals, people, online relationships) instead of themselves. April’s right simplify your world. The fewer things you manage, the more energy you have to manage you.

The relationship itself this isn’t healthy intimacy. It’s more like coexisting with fragments of connection. He’s distant, dismissive after sex, and emotionally disconnected. That’s not love; that’s comfort mixed with avoidance. You’ve tried to fix it quietly, through pleasing him or hiding your pain, but real connection only grows in honesty. You have to talk to him not from guilt, but from truth.

April was dead-on about communication. You can’t expect him to read your silence. Tell him how you feel that you’re struggling, that you feel unseen, that you want to rebuild the emotional and sexual bond together. Use “I feel” statements, not “you never.” Example: “I feel alone when we don’t connect physically or emotionally. I miss being close to you.” That opens a door instead of starting a fight.

Outside the relationship, you’ve got to rebuild your own base work, routine, self-respect, community. Even if you can’t afford therapy, you can build structure: journaling, free online support groups, exercise, volunteering things that remind you you’re capable and worthy on your own. The more you build that, the less dependent you’ll feel on his moods or attention for self-worth.

Big picture, this isn’t about him or even your stepmother anymore. It’s about reclaiming agency. You’ve lived too long under someone else’s permission first family, now relationship. You’re 36. It’s time to live like you belong to yourself. Start small, be consistent, and don’t apologize for wanting more. You’re not broken, you’re just out of balance. But you can fix that not overnight, but steadily. One decision at a time.

[Ethan Morales]

His behavior is inconsistent and emotionally confusing. One minute he wants space, the next he’s blowing up your phone and asking to see you. That flip-flop is classic avoidance plus cling he wants the comfort of you without the accountability of commitment. That’s not stability. That’s emotional whiplash.

The weight comment and your past reactions matter. You said you stopped being intimate after he insulted you about your weight understandably. That kind of comment cuts deep and explains why you’ve been guarded. When you started working on yourself and he accused you of doing it “for someone else,” that was gaslighting. Bottom line: he’s not supporting you the way a partner should.

The Annette situation is a red flag, not definitive proof of betrayal but a clear cause for concern. He hid or downplayed her presence and then acted cold when you asked. That’s either poor communication or a cover-up. Either way, you deserve openness especially after the trust has already been dented.

His push-pull (acting distant when you initiate, suddenly eager when you withdraw) is manipulative whether he means it or not. People do this when they want control without responsibility. He gets the benefit of your attention when you chase and the freedom to step back when he’s uncomfortable. That dynamic will wear you down.

What you need and deserve is clarity and boundaries. Don’t get passive in your hurt or let him dictate the terms. Tell him plainly: either we commit to repairing this with clear behaviors (no belittling, openness about friendships that affect us, and consistent effort) or we separate for real. If he wants space, let him have it but set a time limit and expectations for what “space” means.

Focus on yourself. You’ve been rebuilding (music, gospel group, getting active) keep that up. Show him you’re not sitting around waiting; you’re living. If he comes back willing to do the hard work honestly, consider slow, verifiable steps toward reconciliation. If he won’t, don’t romanticize him staying in your life as “close friends.” Close friends don’t repeatedly undermine your dignity.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re not a bad guy you’re just a young man in conflict between impulse and integrity. You want to be loyal, you believe in love, but your actions haven’t caught up with that belief yet. That’s not rare at 20, but it’s dangerous if you don’t learn from it. What you’re experiencing with the other girl that rush, that electricity, the “I can’t help it” feeling that’s not love. That’s novelty and ego mixed with chemistry. It feels powerful because it’s forbidden and new, not because it’s real or deep.

Your girlfriend, on the other hand, represents comfort, commitment, and emotional safety. The problem is, part of you isn’t ready for that stability yet even though you want to be. That’s why you split in two: one part clings to the girl who grounds you, and another chases the thrill that makes you feel alive.

April’s right you’re not ready for monogamy. And that’s okay. It’s not a moral failure; it’s emotional immaturity. What’s not okay is to keep lying to your girlfriend or yourself. If you truly love her, you owe her honesty, even if that honesty costs you the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll keep piling guilt on top of guilt until you can’t even look her in the eye.

You’ve already crossed the line more than once. The “why” is simple: temptation met opportunity, and your discipline wasn’t strong enough to stop it. That’s a pattern you can only break through awareness and accountability.

Here’s the truth: you can’t have both. You either stay with your girlfriend and commit to doing the work cutting all contact with the other girl, rebuilding trust, and facing your impulses or you accept that you’re not built for commitment yet and set her free. You can love someone deeply and still not be ready to love them well. That’s where you are right now.

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah… I agree with April on this one it’s a serious red flag, not just about sex, but about emotional intimacy. If a guy can be sexual, but won’t with the person he says he loves, it’s not about love it’s about avoidance. He’s compartmentalizing affection and desire, and that usually points to deeper emotional or psychological walls he’s not ready to deal with.

You’ve done your part honest, patient, supportive. But he’s not taking real steps to fix it. At 37, he knows what this means. You shouldn’t have to keep waiting and shrinking yourself to make him comfortable. Love that can’t connect physically or intimately isn’t sustainable long-term.

You deserve a relationship where love and desire live in the same space not one where you have to earn them separately.

[Ethan Morales]

You blew it that night, and April’s take isn’t soft because the problem isn’t just one blackout it’s the behavior that led to it. When you get that drunk to avoid uncomfortable feelings, you put control in the hands of alcohol, and that’s a choice that ruins trust fast. She’s right to be hurt she trusted you to be the kind of guy who protects her and makes her feel safe. You broke that trust, and that’s why she’s pulling back.

That doesn’t mean you’re a lost cause. Regret and shame are appropriate responses, but they aren’t the same as change. Saying “I’m sorry” matters less than proving you’ve actually learned from it. If you truly want to be the kind of man she described steady, protective, emotionally present you have to stop numbing and start facing insecurity head-on. That means no blackout drinking in social situations where emotions run high. Full stop.

Expect this to take time. Right now, she’s decided that dating you again would feel like lowering her standards, and that’s a protective move on her part. Don’t try to fix it with grand promises or frantic gestures. Apologize once directly and clearly, own your actions without excuses, and then step back and let consistency do the talking. If she sees you repeatedly acting like the man you say you want to be, her feelings may shift but don’t bank on it.

Be practical about winning trust back: 1) Stop repeating the behavior that got you here (no heavy drinking around her or at events where temptations and pressures exist). 2) Show up reliably be the person who turns up sober, calm, and respectful. 3) Make amends where it matters: if her sisters judge you, apologize to them too and demonstrate change in front of them. Small, consistent actions matter far more than speeches.

Also, work on the root cause. Why did the thought of her ex trigger you so badly? Jealousy, fear of rejection, low self-worth whatever it is, sit with it and practice not fleeing. Basic tools: pause when you feel panic, breathe, name the emotion, and choose one non-destructive action. If you can’t afford therapy, read books on insecurity and anger management, follow relationship podcasts, and practice sobriety as a test of discipline.

Prepare for either outcome. She may eventually come around if you genuinely change; she may not. Both are survivable. The healthy play is to improve because you want to be better, not just to win her back. If she does reopen the door, let it happen slowly and let her set the pace. If she doesn’t, you’ll at least have fixed the part of you that would repeat the same mistake in the next relationship.

[Ethan Morales]

What you’re describing doesn’t sound like love it’s intense attraction, infatuation, and sexual desire. Love is deeper and develops over time, based on truly knowing someone, sharing experiences, and mutual care and trust. Crushes, even very strong ones, are usually about excitement, fantasy, and idealized images of someone, not the reality of who they are as a person.

With all three of these men, it’s mostly physical attraction and fantasy. You’re imagining possibilities, reacting to attention, and feeling excitement normal and natural but it’s not the same as love. You’re drawn to them for different reasons, but none of these connections show the mutual understanding and shared life that real love involves.

The healthiest way forward is to acknowledge these feelings as crushes and fantasies, and if you want something real, consider dating someone where there’s potential for a genuine relationship. That way, you can move from “dreaming about someone” to actually building a real connection.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re clearly overthinking it. She already likes you enough to say yes to ice-skating, and your friends sense there’s mutual interest. The problem isn’t her it’s that you’re trying to protect yourself from possible awkwardness or rejection by turning a one-on-one date into a group hangout. That dilutes the opportunity to connect with her romantically.

The advice is spot-on: ask her out on a proper, private date dinner, a movie, or something simple where it’s just the two of you. That’s how you can move from friendship to something more. Awkward moments aren’t dangerous; they’re natural, and they let you learn about each other.

Stop hesitating. Take the step to show her you like her romantically. Waiting or overthinking will only make things harder and may cost you the chance to deepen this relationship. You’ve got this.

[Ethan Morales]

It definitely looks like you and your ex are caught in a “psycho-stalker cycle,” as April described. His daily visits to your site suggest more than casual reminiscing they show a lingering preoccupation with you. But the truth is, you can’t control him, and focusing on whether he’s obsessed or nostalgic keeps you tied to the past.
The healthier path is to focus entirely on yourself your sobriety, your growth, and your future relationships. The fact that you’ve stayed sober and moved forward is huge progress. Don’t let his online activity pull you back into emotional turmoil; obsessing over him will only reopen wounds.
Ultimately, whether he cares or is just nosey doesn’t matter you need to reclaim your energy and stop monitoring or worrying about him. Protect your boundaries, let the past stay in the past, and concentrate on building a life and relationships that are healthy and positive for you.

[Ethan Morales]

The fact that his behavior has changed suddenly is a warning sign you’re right to notice it. He might just want more privacy or be busy, but it could also mean he’s pulling back from the relationship. The only way to know is to talk to him calmly and openly about what’s going on without making him defensive. Ignoring it won’t help.

[Member]

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