[Ethan Morales]

From what you described, your boyfriend is violating the basic boundaries of a monogamous relationship. Saying he has “no control” over women sending him naked pictures is a cop-out. That’s not responsibility; that’s avoidance. He can absolutely control how he responds he chooses whether to entertain it or shut it down. Blaming the other women is just an excuse to justify behavior he knows you’d disapprove of.

This isn’t about jealousy or being “crazy.” It’s about respect. If he’s telling other women he’s in an open relationship while you believe it’s exclusive, that’s a major breach of trust. And since you mentioned this isn’t the first time it’s happened, it’s a pattern, not a mistake. Patterns tell you a lot about a person’s priorities.

Now, April’s suggestion about making yourself the “biggest prize” is… valid to an extent, but it only works if the guy actually values and respects you. If he’s already signaling he wants his cake and to eat it too, no amount of creativity or affection on your part will fix that fundamental lack of respect. You can’t negotiate loyalty from someone who isn’t committed to giving it.

So here’s what I’d do if I were in your shoes: have a serious, unflinching conversation with him. Ask directly: “Do you want this to be a truly exclusive relationship, or are you keeping your options open?” Listen to the answer and watch if his actions match his words. If he hedges, downplays, or justifies ongoing contact with these women, that’s your answer.

Ultimately, don’t let him gaslight you into feeling guilty for wanting fidelity. You’re not asking for too much; you’re asking for what you agreed to in the relationship. If he can’t provide that, the only way to protect yourself emotionally is to walk. Period.

The takeaway: chemistry, affection, or history doesn’t excuse repeated disrespect. Loyalty and boundaries aren’t optional in a relationship that claims exclusivity. Your heart matters don’t keep giving it to someone who’s already showing it’s not a priority for them.

[Ethan Morales]

That answer is blunt but it’s the truth most people spend years avoiding. What April’s really saying is: when someone shows you they don’t care, that’s your closure. You don’t need more conversations, explanations, or a chance to fix it you just need to believe what their actions already told you.

From everything you said, this guy has been part of your life for years, and that kind of long, intertwined history can feel magnetic. You shared your first kiss, you grew up together, and there’s nostalgia in every part of that story. But nostalgia isn’t love it’s memory. What’s hard is that your heart built a whole narrative around “what could’ve been,” while he stayed grounded in what was: friendship, some attraction, and confusion.

Here’s what stands out: you recognized he doesn’t open up, he’s inconsistent, and sometimes he treats you badly yet you still picture a version of him that could have been “the one.” That’s not uncommon. When someone becomes our emotional blueprint early on, we start equating their attention with destiny. But it’s not destiny; it’s attachment plus timing.

To really move forward, you have to accept two things: You didn’t lose “the one.” You just lost someone you hoped would become the one. The person who’s meant for you won’t need convincing, explanations, or years of confusion to care. So yes do exactly what April said: take your energy back. Pour it into yourself, into hobbies, ambitions, friendships things that give back. Every time you catch yourself romanticizing the “what if,” replace it with “what’s real.” Ask: did he make me feel safe, seen, valued? Or mostly anxious, uncertain, and small?

It’s okay to grieve the fantasy. It’s okay to miss him. But don’t confuse that ache for proof that he’s special it’s proof that you cared deeply. And that capacity for love? That’s yours to give again, to someone who can handle it.

[Ethan Morales]

That “don’t go falling in love with me” line sounds more like nervous humor than a warning. Most people say things like that to break tension after an intense or intimate moment. Still, it’s smart not to ignore it completely sometimes jokes hide truth.

So, do what April suggested: bring it up lightly next time you see him. Watch how he answers his tone, eye contact, and follow-up will tell you more than the words. My guess? It was just his clumsy way of handling excitement, not a red flag.

[Ethan Morales]

that answer is a red flag. If after a month of closeness he says he’d tell people he’s “talking to someone” instead of owning you as his girlfriend, he’s keeping his options open deliberately. That phrasing isn’t romantic coyness; it’s distance dressed as ambiguity. Actions matter more than chemistry, and right now his words are signaling non-commitment.

You two clearly have something electric that’s obvious from how you describe it. But chemistry alone doesn’t equal commitment. People who want a relationship tend to step up and define it when things feel real. People who want options tend to hedge their language so they can back away without accountability. Don’t confuse his charm for proof he wants the same thing you do.

What to do next: be direct. You don’t need a speech just one clear question and one boundary. Ask him: “Do you want us to be exclusive?” If he says yes, ask what that looks like for him. If he hedges or repeats “I’m talking to someone,” call that out: “That sounds like you want to keep your options open. Is that true?” Don’t negotiate the definition in endless hypotheticals get a plain answer.

If he says he wants to keep it casual, decide if that’s okay for you. If you want a relationship, sleeping with him while hoping he’ll change is self-sabotage. If you’re fine with casual, be honest with yourself about the emotional cost and set rules you can live with. Either way, make sure his actions match his words for at least a few weeks before you invest more.

A few practical scripts you can use: “I like what we have, but I’m looking for something exclusive. Are you?” “When people ask, do you want me to say we’re dating or that we’re just seeing each other?” If he hedges: “That wording tells me you want options. I can’t be in a holding pattern pick one.”

Chemistry feels urgent; clarity prevents regret. You’ve felt the connection respect that by asking what it is instead of letting ambiguity do the work of breaking you down. If he values you, he’ll tell you plainly. If he doesn’t, you’ll know and can protect your heart.

[Ethan Morales]

You’ve been handed the same pattern twice now: he cheated, you broke up, you took him back, he promised change and now you’re staring at what looks like more cheating while he’s halfway across the world. That alone is enough to stop negotiating with your feelings and start protecting your life. Trust is not a thing you can patch with promises; it’s built with repeated, verifiable actions. He hasn’t proven himself reliable, so you’re right to feel hurt and suspicious.

April’s short answer: this isn’t working and you should move on lands hard because it’s practical. The longer answer: don’t make any big decisions from raw pain, but do start taking concrete, protective steps now. Document everything (screenshots of messages, emails, dates), change passwords on accounts he could access, and secure any financial or legal documents that could be affected by a separation. If you share money or leases, get advice on how to protect your name and assets.

Talk to people you trust a close friend, a family member, or a counselor and keep the drama low in public. When you do speak to him, make it matter: demand a live video call, ask him to explain the messages, and request proof of exactly who this woman is. Don’t accept vague explanations (e.g., “she’s a sister” or “she sent me gifts”) without evidence. If he refuses to be transparent, that’s information too it says where his priorities lie.

Start getting legal advice as soon as you can. International situations complicate divorce and asset division, and laws vary. A lawyer (or at least a legal clinic) can tell you your options and what documentation you’ll later need. If divorce is on the table, the earlier you organize paperwork and evidence, the easier it will be to act decisively when you’re ready.

Emotionally: give yourself permission to grieve and be furious. You were betrayed before; you don’t owe him forgiveness or another chance. At the same time, don’t burn bridges you might need (like courtroom or embassy contacts). Keep communications factual and dated; if you must tell him you want a separation, do it clearly and without begging: “I need time and transparency. Right now, I’m preparing to separate until I have proof you’re trustworthy.” Then follow through.

If you feel unsafe at any point threatened, coerced, or isolated involve local authorities or a domestic violence hotline immediately. Being far from someone doesn’t mean you have to suffer alone. Get support, protect your finances and documents, demand transparency, and prepare legally. And remember: wanting him to be the man he promised doesn’t obligate you to wait while he proves it. You deserve a partner whose actions match his words.

[Ethan Morales]

First off, what you’re describing that push and pull between women wanting the thrill of a “bad boy” but then trying to “tame” him isn’t just about personality. It’s about psychology. The “bad boy” energy represents freedom, danger, and confidence things that tap directly into desire. But that same energy also threatens stability, and that’s where the conflict begins.

When women are drawn to someone like you a man who rides where he wants, lives by his own rules, doesn’t need approval they’re drawn to that raw authenticity. It’s magnetic because it’s rare. But once feelings develop, the survival instinct kicks in. They want to keep the source of that excitement without the risk that comes with it. So they try to “tame” the wildness, thinking love can coexist with control. The problem? It usually can’t.

April was right in her article, but what she didn’t dig deep into is that both sides feed the cycle. Men like you or who you were back then attract women with that rebel charm but often struggle with commitment because being “owned” feels like losing your identity. And women, on the other hand, crave both safety and excitement. So when they get the excitement, they try to reshape it into safety, not realizing that kills the very spark they fell for.

To your question “Is there any such thing as satisfying a woman?” yeah, there is. But it’s not about being good or bad; it’s about being real and self-aware. Women don’t actually want to “fix” a man who’s grounded in who he is. They want to feel chosen by someone who could roam free but decides to stay not because he’s tamed, but because he values her. That’s the difference between being wild and being lost.

If you stay who you are, with a clear sense of self, you’ll still attract women but the quality of the relationships will depend on whether you’ve grown from the chase phase. Freedom’s great, but at some point, connection starts meaning more than conquest. The real challenge isn’t whether you can satisfy women it’s whether you’re still trying to prove you can.

So yeah. keep the edge, keep the independence, but bring maturity into it. Be the man who chooses his life, not the one who runs from it. That’s how you stop repeating the same cycle and start being satisfied yourself.

[Ethan Morales]

You were loyal, patient, and tried to see the potential in him. That says a lot about you, not him. But love isn’t just about how someone makes you feel when things are good it’s about whether they can stand beside you as an equal when life starts demanding more. And in this case, he wasn’t there yet.

You weren’t just his girlfriend you were his driver, his safety net, his motivation. That’s not a relationship; that’s a rescue mission. You stepped into the “provider” role, and even though he helped out when he could, you were still carrying the weight. That imbalance doesn’t disappear once someone finds a job. it usually turns into resentment over time. And honestly, it’s not your job to fix or carry a grown man’s responsibilities.

April was blunt, but she’s not wrong about the dynamic. A man who isn’t standing on his own two feet tends to lose confidence not just in the world, but in himself. You can’t love someone enough to make them stable or ambitious. That kind of drive has to come from within. And you deserve someone who’s already there, not someone who might get there “someday” if things go right.

Now, the new guy. he sounds like a decent person, grounded and generous. But I get it: you can’t just flip a switch and feel something because he checks the right boxes. You’re still emotionally tied to Brian, even though logically you know he’s not your long-term match. So don’t force it take time to let your emotions catch up with your reality. You don’t owe anyone your heart before you’re ready.

Still, I’d be careful not to mistake familiar chaos for real connection. Sometimes we hold onto the struggle because it feels passionate, but that’s not love that’s habit mixed with adrenaline. Peace can feel strange at first, but it’s what healthy love looks like.

Brian represents who you used to be the version of you that tried to save people. This new chapter is about letting someone meet you halfway. And you can’t start that if you keep looking back.

[Ethan Morales]

you made choices that hurt her, you keep trying to fix it with more attention and intimacy, and she’s trapped between what’s familiar and what she can actually trust. That limbo can feel like hope, but hope without trust is fragile and you’re the one who broke the trust.

She’s behaving exactly how someone would who still has feelings but has been burned: drawn to your comfort and history (the sex, the familiarity), but wary of commitment because your past choices proved you put other people and short-term thrills ahead of her. That’s why she keeps letting you in physically and emotionally, but stops short of saying yes to getting back together. Sex feels safe and known; promises don’t.

If you really want her back, you need to stop treating this like a game of persistence. Start by making a clean break with anyone else. No ambiguous sleeping-around, no keeping your options open. Then give her space real space for a solid period (no lurking, no “I miss you” texts). Absence, when coupled with real change, lets her see you’re serious instead of frantic.

Change has to be visible and sustained. That means: be consistent for months, not days. Show up on time, be transparent about your life, stop making excuses, and own the damage you did without trying to buy forgiveness with sex or gifts. If you can’t do that, you’ll just keep triggering the same cycle. Therapy solo or couples if she’s willing would also help you unpack why you strayed and build tools to be reliable.

Also, decide what you actually want. You kept someone else as a “backup” and then tried to win your ex back. That pattern tells her you’re not ready to choose. If your answer is “I want her and only her,” live that truth publicly and privately for months before expecting anything. If your answer is “I want to keep playing,” then be honest with her and with yourself and end the mixed signals.

Be prepared for the real possibility she won’t take you back. You’ve had chances to prove change and haven’t. If she says no at some point, don’t argue. Accept it, learn from it, and build a life where you’re not making the same mistake twice. If you want, I’ll write the exact message you should send her after a no-contact period short, accountable, and non-needy that signals real change. Want that?

[Ethan Morales]

April’s “make him chase you” angle is transactional and fluffy. It might work short-term for sparking interest, but it’s not a sustainable way to build the kind of relationship you say you want: steady, present, and moving forward. You want urgency with stability, not games that force emotional whiplash.

Here’s the real issue: you and he have different expectations about pace and presence. He’s said he wants something but also that he “knows” when he’s in love. That’s vague and passive. You can’t build a life on astrology. If you want more, you need to trade implied signals for explicit conversation. Ask him plainly: what does “seeing each other in a relationship” mean to you in concrete terms frequency of dates, exclusivity, timeline for commitment, how much contact on travel weeks, etc. If he’s serious, he’ll answer. If he dodges, that’s information, not negotiation.

Practical moves you can make right now: 1) Before either of you leaves town, schedule a short “state of us” conversation not in the middle of romance, not as an ambush, just a calm check-in. 2) Agree on contact expectations for the trips (e.g., two quick texts a day or one nightly call). 3) Set a 30–60 day window to reassess whether the current pace is working for both of you. Concrete windows force accountability; vague feelings don’t.

Don’t confuse comfort for commitment. Being comfortable is great until it becomes complacency. You can be warm and present without being a doormat. Show him you have a life and standards: keep your plans, don’t cancel your priorities to slot into his schedule, and let him step up if he wants you. That’s not “playing hard to get.” That’s having boundaries.

Finally, avoid ultimatums that sound like threats (“If you don’t love me by X I’m leaving”). Instead use calibrated language that invites clarity: “I like what we have and I want to see it move forward. I need to know whether you’re willing to try making time for us regularly. Can we agree on what that looks like for the next month?” That’s direct, adult, and puts the ball back in his court without theatrics.

[Ethan Morales]

April’s “make him chase you” angle is transactional and fluffy. It might work short-term for sparking interest, but it’s not a sustainable way to build the kind of relationship you say you want: steady, present, and moving forward. You want urgency with stability, not games that force emotional whiplash.

Here’s the real issue: you and he have different expectations about pace and presence. He’s said he wants something but also that he “knows” when he’s in love. That’s vague and passive. You can’t build a life on astrology. If you want more, you need to trade implied signals for explicit conversation. Ask him plainly: what does “seeing each other in a relationship” mean to you in concrete terms frequency of dates, exclusivity, timeline for commitment, how much contact on travel weeks, etc. If he’s serious, he’ll answer. If he dodges, that’s information, not negotiation.

Practical moves you can make right now: 1) Before either of you leaves town, schedule a short “state of us” conversation not in the middle of romance, not as an ambush, just a calm check-in. 2) Agree on contact expectations for the trips (e.g., two quick texts a day or one nightly call). 3) Set a 30–60 day window to reassess whether the current pace is working for both of you. Concrete windows force accountability; vague feelings don’t.

Don’t confuse comfort for commitment. Being comfortable is great until it becomes complacency. You can be warm and present without being a doormat. Show him you have a life and standards: keep your plans, don’t cancel your priorities to slot into his schedule, and let him step up if he wants you. That’s not “playing hard to get.” That’s having boundaries.

Finally, avoid ultimatums that sound like threats (“If you don’t love me by X I’m leaving”). Instead use calibrated language that invites clarity: “I like what we have and I want to see it move forward. I need to know whether you’re willing to try making time for us regularly. Can we agree on what that looks like for the next month?” That’s direct, adult, and puts the ball back in his court without theatrics.

[Ethan Morales]

Ten years isn’t the problem here. The gap only matters if your life goals, energy levels, or expectations are misaligned. She’s anxious because she’s weighing practicality (career, stability, maybe kids) and emotional fit. Your job as a rave promoter is loud and fun; her job as an accountant is steady and detail-driven. That contrast can be attractive if you both see it as complementing, not competing.

Tonight, don’t try to “fix” her worries with big promises. Do the opposite: listen. Make the evening low-pressure a casual drink, eye contact, calm conversation. When she brings up doubts, validate them briefly (“I get why that worries you”) and then pivot to specifics: what you like about her, the things you have in common (values, humor, how you handle problems), and small ways your lives could work together. Concrete beats grand declarations.

Show, don’t lecture. Mention a few real examples that prove stability and compatibility: how you manage money, how you plan weekends, what you’d do if one of you had a tough week. If kids or long-term plans are on her mind, be honest about your timeline even saying “I don’t know exactly, but I want to figure that out with someone I trust” is better than overpromising.

Things to say tonight: “I like you for who you are not for what you’d become.” “I know we’re different. That’s okay. I don’t want you to change.” “I’m interested in seeing where this goes, and I’m willing to be patient and intentional about it.” Things not to say: “Age is nothing,” as a lecture; “I’ll change my life for you” as a promise; or any pressure about labels or timelines. Don’t try to be louder than the conversation be steady, confident, and reassuring.

Small gesture: plan a next thing before you leave tonight. Not “marry me,” but “let’s try X next weekend” (a low-key activity that connects your worlds). That gives her evidence you’re serious enough to plan and not so rushed she feels pressured.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re describing a pattern that started with poor communication and has slid into emotional volatility and disrespect. That isn’t “relationship stress,” it’s a corrosive pattern that eats at your peace and your safety. Love doesn’t excuse repeated screaming, name-calling, disappearing for hours without a word, or turning reasonable requests into accusations.

Protect yourself emotionally and practically. If he’s already left a “I want to break up” voicemail, don’t pretend that means he won’t do it for real he might. Start treating the relationship like it could end tomorrow: gather important documents, separate out any money you control, and make a plan for where you’ll stay if things go sideways. If you live together, decide now whether you’re willing to stay while you try to fix things, or whether you’ll ask him to move out. That decision should be based on how safe and respected you feel, not on guilt.

Set one clear boundary and a short timeline. Say it once, calmly, with consequences. For example: “I’m not accepting shouting or name-calling. If we can’t speak respectfully, I’m leaving this apartment until we can have a calm conversation. You can call me when you’re ready to talk like an adult.” If he keeps violating that boundary, follow through. Boundaries without follow-through are just words.

Don’t try to repair this alone. If he’s willing to do the work meaning: stop disappearing, stop the verbal abuse, agree to counseling, and actually show up consistently then try couples counseling and a probation period (30–60 days) where behavior change is required. If he refuses help or continues the old patterns, that’s information: he’s not willing to partner up properly.

Watch for emotional abuse red flags: blaming you for “policing,” calling you names, making you feel crazy or guilty for asking normal things that’s gaslighting territory. If it escalates to threats, controlling access to money, or physical intimidation, get out immediately and involve local support services.

Take care of you. Get support from a friend or family member who can be a reality check. Sleep, eat properly, and consider talking to a counselor solo so you don’t internalize the chaos. Remember: you can love someone and still refuse to be mistreated. Wanting the old warm, secure version of him is fair but if he’s not choosing you consistently, you have every right to choose yourself instead.

[Ethan Morales]

Reading your story, it’s clear you’ve been through an intense, unhealthy relationship that has taken a huge toll on you emotionally, financially, and practically. Here’s my take: Your ex-boyfriend isn’t a partner. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, support, and shared responsibility. He has consistently failed on all of these fronts: not working, relying on you for bills, treating you cruelly, trying to pressure you into a child he can’t support, and being emotionally abusive. Love doesn’t make up for that; what you’re experiencing is not love, it’s exploitation.

You were put in impossible situations too early. Moving in with him at 16, being pregnant, handling finances, and navigating adult responsibilities with someone who wasn’t capable of them was overwhelming. It’s not your fault you were young and trying to make the best of it. You were dealing with adult-level problems before you were ready.

You need space and boundaries. Staying in contact or entertaining any idea of having a child with him is dangerous for your future and well-being. Right now, your priority needs to be you and your independence, your health, your confidence, and your life plan.

End contact with him completely. Block or limit communication so you can heal. Protect yourself physically and emotionally. Use birth control and seek medical guidance if needed. Rebuild your life. Focus on education, career, hobbies, and friendships that support you. Therapy or counseling could help you process the trauma of this relationship and build stronger boundaries.

Once you’ve regained control of your life and independence, you’ll naturally attract partners who are capable of loving and supporting you in a healthy way. Right now, he represents everything that would hold you back.

You deserve someone who respects you, contributes equally, and uplifts you, not someone who drains you or belittles you. The best thing you can do for yourself is cut ties and focus on building a strong, independent foundation for your future.

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s my take on this situation: you’re in a really tough spot, and it sounds like you’re caught between two men who aren’t really “available” for you in a healthy way. That’s the core issue.

Your current boyfriend: Five years is a long time, but he’s clearly not contributing equally or emotionally. Not answering calls, not paying his share that’s not a partnership. Loving someone doesn’t excuse being treated poorly. You’re effectively carrying the entire relationship, and that’s not sustainable.

The married man: He’s unavailable. Even if he’s unhappy in his marriage, getting involved with him would create complications and likely heartbreak for everyone involved including you. Waiting for his life to “be ready” doesn’t make it okay for you to be the solution to his problems.

You’re drawn to men who aren’t fully available or who don’t treat you as you deserve. Recognizing this is key. You deserve a partner who is fully present, invested, and respectful someone you don’t have to fight for attention or financial fairness with.

Step back from both relationships and really assess what you want and deserve.Focus on yourself and your independence emotionally, financially, and socially. Avoid getting involved with unavailable men (married or distant/neglectful). Consider ending the relationship that’s draining you. It’s painful, but it will open space for a healthier connection in the future. At the heart of it, you need to prioritize your self-worth and well-being. Love is important, but it has to be mutual and respectful otherwise, it’s just hurting you.

[Ethan Morales]

Okay, Kiwi, here’s what I think: your dream is super normal for your age. At 11, your brain is starting to explore feelings of crushes and attraction, and dreams are one way it plays out. It’s not a prediction of the future. it’s more like your imagination showing what you wish could happen with Ben.

Take it slow. At your age, you don’t need to rush into relationships. Crushes are fun and normal, but real dating comes later. Let him lead. As April said, it’s polite and safer to let boys make the first move. Focus on friendships and getting to know people.

Dreams ≠ reality. Your dream was exciting, but it’s just a dream. Don’t feel like you have to act on it or that it means anything will happen right now. enjoy your crush, have fun imagining, but focus on school, hobbies, and friends for now. Your feelings are real, but real-life romance is something to grow into gradually.

[Member]

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