[Ethan Morales]

Here’s how I see it: nothing you did “ruined” the friendship. You were honest about your feelings, and that can feel awkward for both people afterward, especially if your dynamic had been light and flirty before. His longer response time now probably isn’t anger at you it’s likely discomfort, uncertainty, or him figuring out how to interact without crossing into deeper territory.

Distance is a real factor. He explicitly mentioned that meeting in person isn’t realistic, and that’s not something you can fix. It sets a natural limit on how close the relationship can get.

You expressed vulnerability. Vulnerability changes dynamics. If you both were used to playful, flirty chat, suddenly revealing hurt feelings can make him more cautious in his responses not because he’s upset at you, but because he’s adjusting to a new emotional tone.

Give it space. Don’t push for rapid interaction. Continue conversations casually, keep it light, and let him respond on his own timing. This helps rebuild the comfort level.

Reset expectations. If you want the friendship, focus on shared interests (the game, jokes, casual chatting). Avoid expecting in-person plans or romantic signals. If he wants something deeper later, it will come from him naturally.

You can absolutely save the friendship, but it’ll take patience and keeping things low-pressure. The key is: shift from emotional intensity back to casual connection.

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s my take: the situation isn’t unusual lots of people fall into the trap of over-communicating early in dating because they’re excited, and it can unintentionally create pressure. From what you’ve described, the guy is still responding, which is a good sign, but the fact that his calling has decreased and he’s not initiating as much could mean he’s either busy, naturally less communicative, or starting to feel overwhelmed.

You want to show interest without seeming over-eager. That usually means: Let him lead sometimes, Give him space to initiate calls or texts. This helps you gauge his genuine interest.

Keep your texts light and playful, Don’t send long messages or multiple messages in a row; one thoughtful or funny text is enough to keep the connection alive.

Focus on the upcoming date, Since you already have plans, put your energy into that instead of trying to secure daily calls. Your in-person interaction will be far more meaningful than texting constantly.

Manage your expectations, Even if he doesn’t call before Saturday, it doesn’t automatically mean he’s not interested. People have different communication styles.

Essentially, you want to show excitement about seeing him without smothering him with constant messages. If he genuinely likes you, your Saturday date will be the proof and give you both the chance to connect without the texting anxiety.

[Ethan Morales]

The situation isn’t about you rejecting him or not liking him. it’s about how he’s handling vulnerability. The fact that he suddenly went cold after admitting his feelings shows he’s struggling with his own emotions, not necessarily yours. Shyness or social anxiety can make that kind of confession feel terrifying, and some people literally freeze or retreat afterward.

From what you describe, he’s not giving you the chance to even interact normally, which is a red flag for how he handles intimacy and emotional risk. It’s one thing to feel shy or embarrassed; it’s another to avoid you completely. That avoidance may indicate that he’s not ready for a romantic relationship or even a mature friendship at this point.

Your best move is to step back and give him space, without pressuring him or chasing him. Maintain the “soft landing pad” April Masini mentioned be approachable, warm, and consistent in your friendliness, but don’t try to force a conversation or push him into defining anything. If he’s capable of navigating his feelings, he’ll eventually come back to you.

At the same time, mentally prepare yourself that this might be as far as it goes for now. His retreat might mean the friendship has been affected, and it may take time or it might not recover. Focus on your own feelings and needs, and don’t stall your life waiting for him.

[Ethan Morales]

You’ve come a long way from a relationship that shrank you, and what you have now sounds alive and real. That feeling of “don’t say too much” is normal when something precious is new you want it to last, so you tiptoe. Problem is, tiptoeing can feel like withholding, and honest little truths are often what makes things deeper, not spoils them.

Make sure you’re actually free to be here. If you’re not legally divorced, stop and fix that first. Emotional freedom without legal freedom is risky it leaves both of you vulnerable to complications you don’t need. Get that sorted so your next steps are clean and safe.

Assuming the paperwork is clear, don’t overthink a goodbye. You don’t need a grand speech. A short, specific expression of what he means to you will do more than an epic declaration. Give him a card or a small gift that’s personal (something he’ll use) and write two or three sentences that name moments “That night we talked until 5 a.m. I felt understood in a way I haven’t in years” and close with, “Have a safe trip. I’ll be here when you get back.” That’s warm, honest, and not pressuring.

If you want to say something out loud before he leaves, keep it present-focused, not future-demanding: “I love what we have. I’ll miss you while you’re gone. Stay safe and text me when you can.” That tells him you care without forcing a promise or a label. You’ve already got planning energy (camping in September, birthday party) those plans are enough to show intention without needing an “I love you” bomb.

Watch your pace. You’re healing from being diminished; don’t rush into needing this new person to fix you. Let the relationship deepen naturally: good communication, shared experiences, and time. If he’s the real deal, his actions over months will prove it. If you want, I can write a two-line card message and a 15-second thing to say aloud before he goes something practical you can use in the moment. Want that?

[Ethan Morales]

The way you’re describing her, the tears, the fear, the pain at even light touch that’s not just “virgin jitters.” That’s a body reacting in defense. It’s probably a mix of mental fear and physical response (tension, muscle tightening, anxiety). When someone associates sex with fear of pain, guilt, pressure, or losing something symbolic like purity their body literally won’t cooperate. It’s not a choice she can just “will through.” It’s an involuntary freeze response. So patience isn’t just kindness here it’s the only workable path.

Your frustration is completely human. You’ve been waiting a long time, and your needs are valid. But the tricky part is that the more you show that frustration to her, the more pressure she feels, and the less likely sex will happen because fear and guilt kill arousal. You’re seeing that cycle already: you tell her you’re horny and frustrated, she apologizes and cries, then you feel guilty. No one wins there.

The guilt manipulation line (“if you loved me you’d do it”) you already know that was the wrong move, and I respect you for admitting it. But it’s also revealing how desperate you’re getting. That’s a sign that you two need to shift your focus away from sex as a finish line and toward understanding her block.

April Masini nailed the key points this could be mental (religious/moral conflict), physical (tightness, vaginismus, etc.), or emotional (self-image, control, fear of disappointing you). A doctor visit specifically about painful penetration is a smart next step. And if she’s open to it, a sex therapist yes, those exist could help her learn to relax and associate sex with comfort and connection instead of pressure and fear.

And one more truth: if she says “it’s not a big deal to me,” that’s not an attack on you. It’s her saying she’s detached from the idea because it scares her. She’s downplaying it to protect herself from feeling broken or disappointing you.

Keep being patient but stop making this your shared project. Take the “trying to make it happen” energy off the table for now. Create sexual closeness without penetration as the goal keep intimacy fun, low-stakes, playful. Encourage her to talk (with a doctor or therapist, not just you). And remember you’re not weak for struggling with this. You’re in a tough situation: wanting connection and trying to protect someone you love from her own fear.

[Ethan Morales]

You two are stuck in a bad feedback loop where expectations are mismatched and both of you are reacting instead of responding. You’re showing up ready to celebrate, he’s showing up braced for conflict, and that mismatch turns ordinary moments into battlegrounds. That’s fixable, but only if you stop treating symptoms and start fixing the cause.

Own the trigger: you expect warmth and talk about the future; he expects arguments and retreats. That means your excitement looks like pressure to him, and his distance looks like rejection to you. When that happens repeatedly, he learns to protect himself by shutting down and you learn to protect yourself by pushing harder for reassurance. Neither strategy helps.

Change the script before you talk about the future. Don’t open with “We need to talk about marriage” (or whatever future stuff you want). Open with “I want to change how we start our time together so you don’t feel on edge.” Make the first five minutes neutral: small talk, a shared ritual (snack, playlist, a minute of no-phone cuddling). Give him a predictable, low-pressure transition into being present.

Practice one cheap, high-return behavior: check-in, not accuse. When you sense him pulling away, say calmly: “Hey, you seem down. Do you want space or do you want me to stay close?” That’s it. It gives him control and shows you’re aware without spiraling into blame. Teach him the same: when you get excited and he panics, he can say, “I’m nervous about our day. Can we go slow?” That mutual signal kills the guessing game.

Set a bounded future conversation. You both need a concrete moment to talk about where you stand, but it can’t be shoved into an emotional flashpoint. Schedule a time “Saturday at 7, no distractions, ten minutes to share where we see this in a year.” Keep it factual: what you want, timeframe, dealbreakers. If you can’t align after a reasonable number of these check-ins, that’s useful data, not defeat.

If he’s already talking about walking, don’t beg. Show steady effort: change the five-minute entry pattern, use the check-in line, and actually follow through with the calm behavior you promised. If he sees consistent change over weeks, he’ll relax. If he doesn’t, you’ll know you tried and you’ll be spared wasting more time on an avoidant pattern that won’t shift.

[Ethan Morales]

April’s right that jealousy lives mostly in your head, but that doesn’t make it less real or less painful. You’re not broken for feeling this; you just have insecure wiring that gets loud when the person you care about isn’t physically present. That’s fixable, but it takes deliberate work not platitudes.

Here’s what I’d tell you, straight up: don’t dump all of this on him as a problem he has to solve. You said he’s done nothing to deserve distrust so the job is yours. Start by catching the moment the jealous thought shows up. Pause. Ask yourself: “What evidence do I have right now that he’s interested in someone else?” If the answer is “none,” label the feeling as anxiety (not truth) and don’t act on it.

Practical things that help: 1) Create short coping scripts one or two lines you say to yourself in the moment (“He’s with me I know this is my fear, not reality”). 2) Replace rumination with a 10-minute task (walk, text a friend, make coffee) so the feeling loses momentum. 3) Keep a “trust log”: write down times he showed up, kept plans, protected your feelings. Re-reading that list rebuilds evidence in your brain that he’s reliable.

You should also talk to him but not to accuse. Frame it as, “I’m working on something and I might need little reassurances sometimes.” Ask for small, specific things that help you, like a quick good-morning text on hard days or a check-in when travel schedules change. Make it a partnership, not a complaint. If he’s worth this, he’ll do what’s reasonable; if he resists, that’s data too.

Last if jealousy is bleeding into control behaviors (checking his phone, demanding constant updates, lashing out), stop now. Those behaviors are toxic and will create the very distance you fear. If you find you can’t control the impulses by yourself after trying the above, get professional help. Therapy is practical training for emotional muscles and this is exactly the sort of thing it helps with.

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s how I see it you’re not a bad guy for feeling what you’re feeling. Attraction doesn’t magically disappear when you get married. You’ve been with your wife nine years, you’ve built a life together, you’ve got kids so it’s normal that things cool down and the “spark” fades. It happens to most couples. But what matters is what you do with those feelings.

Right now, you’re standing at a crossroads between maturity and impulse. The easy thing would be to chase that thrill at work new attention, new energy, the high of being wanted again. But that’s temporary. Once the novelty wears off, you’ll be left with guilt, broken trust, and a home that feels like a wreck. The harder path but the one that actually leads somewhere real is turning that energy back into your marriage and facing what’s really missing.

April’s “man up” advice might sound blunt, but she’s right. This is the moment where you decide if you’re the guy who runs when things get dull, or the one who rebuilds what’s worth keeping. You already told your wife about your temptation, which shows honesty but also means she’s probably hurt and insecure now. That’s repairable, but it’ll take consistent effort and reassurance, not just words.

If I were you, I’d start small: spend time with her like you used to before kids and routine took over. Make space for flirting, laughter, quiet moments. That’s where the spark hides not in someone new, but in the parts of your relationship you’ve stopped feeding.

You don’t “fall out of love” overnight. You just stop doing the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Bring those back and give them time.

And if after really working at it, you still feel emotionally disconnected? Then you face that truth cleanly, respectfully, without lies or betrayal. But don’t destroy your marriage chasing something you haven’t even tested against reality yet.

[Ethan Morales]

You and your boyfriend are young, and it’s good that you’re actually thinking about protection and wanting to “do it right.” That already tells me you’re more mature than most people your age. But the rhythm method? That’s playing with fire. April’s right unwanted pregnancy doesn’t just change your relationship; it changes your whole life. So, yeah, condoms every time. And honestly, if you’re serious about being sexually active, talk to a doctor about reliable birth control too don’t rely on timing or luck.

Now, about making it “special.” I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. You can light candles, play music, look up positions that’s all fine. But what makes it special isn’t props or choreography; it’s how connected you are in that moment. When both people feel safe, respected, and actually seen that’s what makes it unforgettable. You don’t need to try to impress each other or perform. Just slow down. Talk. Laugh. Explore. Make it less about “doing it right” and more about being right there with each other.

You’re in your late teens, still learning about your bodies, your emotions, and boundaries. So don’t rush to turn your experiences into some cinematic version of “special.” Focus on communication like asking what feels good, checking in, making sure you’re both comfortable. That’s how you build trust and intimacy.

As for “fun”? It’s only fun when neither of you is stressed about consequences. So sort out contraception first, then relax and let it be natural. you’re both experimenting, figuring things out that’s okay. But don’t confuse passion with maturity. Protect yourselves, emotionally and physically. Make it special by being present, not perfect.

[Ethan Morales]

This whole situation screams trust erosion on both sides. You cheated on him a few times, which already breaks the foundation of trust. Then you started dreaming about him cheating, and your subconscious started acting out your own guilt and fear of karma. That’s common people who cheat often project that anxiety onto their partner, waiting for payback. Then, when something suspicious happens (like him being seen with that girl), it hits harder than it would have otherwise.

Now, about his side he might not have technically cheated, but he definitely blurred lines. If he knew you’d be hurt seeing him with that girl and still entertained a conversation, that’s not smart or respectful. It shows poor judgment and maybe a bit of emotional immaturity. When he says “we were just talking,” it could be true but what matters is why he was open to that talk. That tells you he hasn’t fully closed that door emotionally.

April Masini’s point about attraction is blunt but accurate “ugly” or not, some people just have a connection you can’t rationalize. It’s not about looks; it’s about chemistry. That’s what you’re up against.

Here’s the hard truth: this relationship is already cracked. Both of you broke trust, both are holding resentment, and both are second-guessing each other. When a relationship starts running on suspicion instead of affection, it usually ends up in cycles of testing, jealousy, and emotional tug-of-war.

If you want to fix it you’d both need to start over from a clean slate. No contact with the other woman, total honesty about past cheating, and real accountability. But honestly? My gut says this thing’s burned out. You can’t rebuild something that’s this tangled unless both people are 100% ready to own their part and let go of ego.

So my opinion? Don’t cling to it out of habit or fear of being alone. You both crossed lines maybe it’s time to call it what it is and stop dragging each other through the same pain.

[Ethan Morales]

If I’m being straight with you, I think April nailed the core of it: this isn’t just a love problem, it’s an identity problem. You’re standing in the middle of two worlds the life your family built for you, and the life you want to build for yourself. And until you decide which one you actually want to live in, every relationship you have is going to be haunted by that conflict. You can’t love someone freely while part of you is still asking for permission.

From the guy’s side, I get it too. Imagine being him feeling loved and then abandoned, not because of something you did wrong, but because of who you are. That kind of rejection doesn’t just bruise someone’s ego; it hits their self-worth. When he said you destroyed his confidence, I believe that wasn’t exaggeration that was him speaking from a place of real pain. You represented something beautiful to him, and then you became the person who confirmed his deepest insecurity: “I’ll never be enough for her world.”

Now, when he called you weeks later that’s emotional whiplash. It doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to come back. It might mean he’s confused, nostalgic, or just curious if you still care. But that single call shouldn’t undo all the progress you made trying to heal. Sometimes the person who hurt us can’t offer closure they just reopen old wounds because they still live rent-free in our hearts.

Here’s what I think you need to do: take a step back and sort out your boundaries with your family. You can’t build something real with anyone this guy or the next if your choices are still being made out of fear. You say you have a strong personality; now’s the time to use it for yourself, not against yourself.

And if you ever do talk to him again, don’t come from a place of longing come from clarity. Tell him you understand the hurt, that you’ve grown from it, and that you’re working on the part of yourself that let fear win last time. If he’s matured too, maybe there’s space to reconnect someday. But right now? You owe it to yourself to figure out what kind of woman you want to be not who you want to be with.

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s the thing: what you’re describing sounds like it comes from a place of concern and that’s good. You care about her, you see red flags, and you don’t want her to get hurt. But at the same time, your information isn’t firsthand. It’s what you “found out,” which might be true, might not, or might be a version of the truth filtered through someone else’s emotions or assumptions. Once you repeat that, you’re stepping into dangerous territory rumor becomes poison fast, even when your intentions are protective.

From my perspective, if you confront her with “I heard your boyfriend cheated,” and it turns out wrong or she just doesn’t want to believe it you instantly become the bad guy. She’ll defend him, pull away from you, and possibly end up isolated with the one person you’re worried about. That’s the irony of these situations: the more you push, the tighter she might cling to him.

What you can do, though, is stay close and grounded. Be the person she can talk to without feeling judged. Ask gentle questions not accusations like, “How are you feeling about things with X? Are you still feeling confident about the move?” It’s not your job to convince her; it’s your job to keep space open so she feels safe enough to come to you if things fall apart. Because if what you believe about him turns out to be true, she’ll need a friend she can trust who didn’t make her feel stupid along the way.

I’ve learned this the hard way: sometimes you can see the train coming, but you can’t stop someone from getting on it. You just have to be there when they’re ready to get off.

If you do decide to tell her, make sure you’ve got proof not rumors, not whispers and present it calmly, without attacking him or her. Facts speak louder than fear. But if you don’t have that proof? Then yeah, I’d say stay out of it. The truth always surfaces, and when it does, she’ll remember who stayed steady through the storm.

[Ethan Morales]

I get why you’re torn up about this. When someone makes you feel seen, safe, and wanted, especially from miles away, it hits differently. It’s not foolish that you care it’s human. But love, especially new love born from distance and intensity, can blur lines between connection and projection. You might be falling for how he makes you feel more than who he really is because right now, you only know part of him, the curated version that shows up in video calls and short visits.

Now, to be fair this guy’s words sound genuine. Talking about moving, building a life where you are… those are big things to say, and they might mean something real. But like April Masini said words are cheap until proven by consistent action. Let him show you what he means over time. People who are serious don’t just promise they plan, they follow through, they make space for you in their real life, not just their emotional one.

I’ve seen situations like this intensity early on, promises of “you’re the one,” talk of moving closer and sometimes it holds up. Sometimes it doesn’t. The real test isn’t in how much he says he misses you; it’s whether his actions match when the high wears off and normal life kicks back in. That’s when people’s true intentions show.

You don’t have to shut down your feelings, but you do need to anchor yourself in logic. You barely know this man’s world not his friends, not his habits, not his bad days. Trust isn’t something you hand over; it’s something people earn. So instead of asking “what if he’s playing me,” shift to “what will I do to protect my peace if he is?” That mindset gives you control again.

And one more thing don’t let the fear of losing him make you smaller. Keep doing your thing, keep your life full. If he’s genuine, he’ll fit into your world naturally. If not, you’ll already be standing on your own two feet when the illusion fades.

So yeah, I’d say care for him, stay open, but don’t build your home on words. Build it on proof. Time is the filter that reveals who’s real and who’s just passing through.

[Ethan Morales]

Your feelings are completely reasonable. Wanting your serious partner to have a male roommate instead of a female one especially when they would be sharing a bathroom is not “crazy” or overly conservative. It’s about trust and comfort in the relationship, and it’s completely valid to express boundaries when a living situation might make you uneasy.

What matters here is how you communicate your concerns. You don’t want to accuse or control him, but you do want to be honest: You can say something like, “I feel uncomfortable with the idea of you having a female roommate because of the shared space. I’d feel much more comfortable if you considered a male roommate instead.” Frame it around your feelings rather than making it about mistrust. That keeps the conversation constructive rather than confrontational.

Also, consider asking questions about the bigger picture: How long does he plan to live with a roommate? Is this just temporary until he finds another job? Would he consider alternative solutions like a cheaper place or staying with friends/family?

His reaction will tell you a lot about his respect for your feelings and how he handles compromise. If he refuses to consider your perspective, that’s an important signal about how aligned you are in the relationship regarding trust, communication, and shared values.

You’re not overreacting. Express yourself clearly, listen to his reasoning, and see if there’s a compromise that works for both of you. Your comfort and trust in a relationship are just as important as his financial needs.

[Ethan Morales]

What you’re feeling is very normal. A foot fetish isn’t inherently “weird” or a red flag it’s just one part of this man’s sexual preferences. Most men don’t have a foot fetish, but that doesn’t mean he’s unusual in a problematic way. The fact that he disclosed it to you so early shows honesty and trust; he’s giving you the choice to accept it or not before things progress sexually. That’s actually a positive sign of respect.

Your concern about feeling humiliated or thinking he’s weak is also normal. Sexual preferences don’t define a man’s strength, dominance, or character many men enjoy different things in private without it affecting their “manliness” or your respect for them. How he views the act is important: to some men, doing something like this is submissive; to others, it’s an expression of intimacy and pleasure for their partner.

You’re allowed boundaries. If feet are a hard “no” for you, you can say so. He should respect that. Compromise is possible. You can try it slowly, after you’re comfortable, or not at all. Many couples find middle ground over time. Communication is critical. You don’t have to jump to conclusions. Discuss your comfort level openly and see how he reacts. How he respects your feelings will tell you a lot about him.

You’re not overreacting. You’re just processing something unusual to you. A foot fetish doesn’t erase his honesty, interest, or potential as a partner. Take things slow, set your boundaries, and see how the relationship evolves.

[Member]

Posts