[Sally]

This isn’t a new problem it’s the same wound that keeps reopening every time you try again with her. Trust isn’t something you think back into place. It either grows because both people show up differently… or it doesn’t.

And honestly? Nothing in what you wrote sounds steady. You’ve been looping the same heartbreak since you were young the lying, the sneaking, the guy she kept going back to, the breakups, the makeups. Now she’s partying hard and you’re wanting something calm and grown. That’s not the same path.

It’s okay to want a real future a place to land, not a place to worry.

But you can’t build that with someone who’s shown you over and over that she can’t meet you there. Wanting to settle down doesn’t mean settling for chaos.
Take a breath and ask yourself one thing: if nothing changed, could you live like this for the next ten years?
Your answer is probably already sitting right there.

[Sally]

When a man shows up for you every day, remembers the little things, makes sure you’re safe, makes you laugh, and actually likes being around you… it’s hard not to wonder what this really is. And honestly? This doesn’t read like friendship. Not the way you’re describing it.

Friends don’t build their days around each other like that. Friends don’t kiss on the cheek every time, hold hands through the snow, or light up just from seeing a name pop up on their phone. And men don’t do that level of caring unless something in them is already attached.

What I think is happening is this: he likes you, but he’s scared he’s “not enough.” Not because of you because someone in his life made him feel small. That education thing? That’s not about degrees. That’s his insecurity talking.

You don’t need to push. You don’t need to force a moment. Just stay open. He’s already halfway there, and honestly, so are you.
When he’s ready, he’ll make a move. And when he does, it’s going to feel natural like you both finally admitted what’s been there from the start.

[Sally]

You’re doing all the things couples do the time together, the friends, the families, the trips but the words just… aren’t there. And when the words don’t match the closeness, it makes you feel like you’re standing on a rug he could pull without warning.

Here’s the honest part, said gently: when a man calls you his “friend” while bringing you home, it usually means he’s scared to label something that already feels serious. Divorce does that to people. It makes them slow and weird about defining things, even when their actions are clear.

But you don’t have to sit in the dark about this. You can ask without making it heavy. Something simple like, “Hey, I just want to understand what we are to you. I care about you, and I want us to be on the same page.”

That’s not pressure. That’s clarity.
And you deserve clarity. You’re not asking for a ring you’re just asking not to feel unsure while doing all the girlfriend things.
If he’s all in, he’ll tell you. If he’s hesitant, at least you’ll know instead of trying to read between the lines.

[Sally]

You’re not a teenager you’ve lived enough life to know when something smells a little off, even if the feelings are real and the chemistry is fun.
Here’s the thing… men don’t stay in someone’s house, in someone’s bed, for twenty years by accident. Even if the romance died ages ago, that situation is still comfort, still dependency, still a whole tangled life you’d be stepping into. And you already know you can’t be the woman he kisses on weekends and then goes “home” to someone else. That would eat you alive.

You’re not being too exacting. You’re being honest about what you need to feel safe and respected. At 57, you’ve earned the right to want clarity, not complications.
If he wants something real with you, he’ll take the grown-up step and move out. Until then, enjoy the flirting, enjoy your bike rides, enjoy the attention from other men but don’t leap into something that already has red flags waving.

You’re not wrong. You’re protecting your peace, and that’s worth more than a sweet weekend kiss.

[Sally]

When you see someone who grabs your attention out of nowhere, it sticks. And then the moment passes and you’re left replaying it like you messed up… but honestly? You didn’t.

You didn’t “blow” anything. You just didn’t force a conversation while she was busy, which is actually respectful. If you see her again, that’s your window. And yeah, saying something like, “Hey, were you the one studying outside the library the other day in the blue and white dress?” that’s actually sweet. Not creepy, not intense. Just showing that you noticed her in a genuine way.

The only thing that matters now is what you do next time. Keep it simple. Keep it calm. She’ll feel that.
And stop beating yourself up you didn’t screw anything up at all.

[Sally]

It’s that mix of “he shows up just enough to keep me hopeful” and “not enough to actually build anything real.” I’ve had a man like that, and it’s the kind of slow heartbreak that sneaks up on you.

Here’s the thing you’re already feeling in your gut: if a guy wants a relationship, he doesn’t hide behind texts and silence. He doesn’t only show up in private. He doesn’t tell you he can’t give more and then pop back in just when you’re starting to move on. That’s not love that’s comfort.

Every time you see him, your heart gets pulled in deeper. And every time he disappears, you’re left with the crash. That cycle doesn’t change unless you change it.
You’re not wrong for wanting more. You’re just asking it from someone who’s not capable of giving it.

Letting go will hurt but staying in this half-place is already hurting you.
Choose the peace you keep hoping he’ll offer.

[Sally]

When you like someone, every tiny moment feels like a clue the lingering conversations, the brushing something off your shoulder, the way she sticks close when she doesn’t have to. It’s easy to think, okay, maybe she feels it too. I’ve been there, hanging on to every little sign because the connection felt different from anything else.

Here’s the quiet truth though: some people are just naturally warm. They treat you like their safe person at work, they joke, they lean in, they make you feel seen… but it doesn’t always mean they want something romantic. It just means they like being around you.

And honestly? Her turning you down wasn’t about you. It was about her life, her past, her timing. If she wanted to leave that door open, she would’ve said so.
You didn’t misread everything you just hoped the friendliness meant more. That’s human. And you’ll figure out the difference with time, not rules.
For now, enjoy what you have with her without looking for signs. It’ll feel a lot easier that way.

[Sally]

It’s not the act itself it’s what it means to you. When you’re barely having sex and then you’re lying there listening to her body want something without you, it hits that little lonely place you don’t want to admit you have. That doesn’t make you petty. It just makes you human.

But here’s the thing most people don’t know: sleep-masturbation isn’t the same as being awake and turned on. It’s like dreaming your body just… does things. It’s not a rejection of you. It’s not her choosing her hand over you. It’s just her brain doing its own weird nighttime stuff.

The real issue is the gap between how much intimacy you want and how much she initiates when she’s awake. That’s where this sting is coming from.

You don’t have to make it a heavy talk. Just pick a calm moment and say something soft like, “Hey, I love being close to you, and I miss that part of us. I don’t need anything wild or constant just more moments where we’re connected.” Keep it about closeness, not the sleep thing.
You’re not asking for too much. You’re just asking not to feel alone next to the person you love.

[Sally]

Five months is a long time to sit in “almost something,” especially when you’re the one doing most of the emotional heavy lifting. And honestly? Three hangouts, all low-effort, all on his terms… that tells you more than whatever he says over text.

A guy who’s serious about you doesn’t keep you in this gray zone. He finds the time. He plans real dates. He shows you you’re wanted, not just convenient.
If you’re already feeling like he just wants something physical, that feeling didn’t come out of nowhere.

You don’t have to corner him with a big dramatic talk. Just something simple like, “Hey, I’m starting to catch feelings and I need to know if this is going anywhere.” His answer or his silence will tell you everything.
Don’t sit back and wait. That’s how your heart gets tired.

[Sally]

You’re about to have his baby, your whole life is changing, and he’s out here planning a vacation without even thinking about what you’ll be dealing with two months after giving birth. That’s not small that hits you right in the place where you want to feel supported.

And honestly? Him saying you can’t go, then refusing to cancel… that’s not a man who’s thinking like a partner or a soon-to-be dad. That’s someone acting single while you’re about to be home healing, barely sleeping, trying to hold everything together.

This isn’t really about the trip. It’s about the fact that you told him you were scared and he brushed it off. That’s what hurts.

Maybe just tell him calmly, “I’m not trying to control you. I just need to know you’re in this with me.” His reaction to that will tell you everything.
You deserve someone who shows up for you now, not just when it’s convenient.

[Sally]

When you build your whole idea of love around “we’re each other’s first,” it’s not just a fact it becomes part of your story. And finding out the story wasn’t what you thought… that hurts in a way that’s hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived it.

But here’s the thing: he didn’t cheat on you. He didn’t pick them over you. He was just young and messy before he even knew you were going to matter this much. And you’ve said it yourself he’s been showing up for you, choosing you, trying to build a future with you. That stuff is real.

What you’re grieving right now is the idea you had. And that grief doesn’t mean the relationship is broken it just means your heart needs time to catch up to the truth.
There’s no trick to forgiving. It just… softens slowly. One honest moment at a time.

Don’t rush yourself. Just stay honest with him and with yourself. The rest will settle.

[Sally]

You’re stuck between protecting him and protecting a woman who has no idea what she’s about to marry into. And honestly? There’s no clean way out of this. Someone gets hurt no matter what you do, and you’re carrying guilt that shouldn’t even be yours.

Here’s the part that matters though: he’s not confused. He’s choosing the easiest life for him, and he’s willing to build that life on someone else’s heartbreak. That says everything.

But outing someone even indirectly is a line you can’t un-cross. And you’re right, that shouldn’t be your choice to make for him. At the same time, she deserves truth, not a marriage built on lies and secrets he never plans to stop living out.

If you ever decide to warn her, keep it simple and anonymous. No details about you, no names, nothing that blows his life up in a way that lands back on you. Just a quiet message that says: “Please make sure you truly know the person you’re marrying. He hasn’t been honest about who he is.”
It’s not perfect. It’s not clean. But at least it’s honest without destroying him.

And whatever you decide, remember this you didn’t create this mess. He did. You’re just the one stuck holding the truth.

[Sally]

Four months of talking to someone laughing, flirting, sharing real stuff that builds a connection, even if you’ve never sat across from each other. And when he disappears for a couple days then pops back in like nothing happened, it leaves you hanging in this weird in-between space.

Here’s the simple truth: he is interested, but only in a way that doesn’t cost him anything yet. Long calls, sweet messages, fun webcam chats that’s easy. Actually meeting you? That takes effort, and he hasn’t made a real move there.

It’s not about him being a Libra. It’s about him being comfortable.
If you want to know what’s real, don’t push, don’t chase just see what he does when you stop filling the space for him. If he plans an actual date, great. If he stays vague, then you’ve got your answer.

You’re allowed to want something that exists outside a screen.

[Sally]

Being someone’s “sometime” after a whole year together… that lands like a punch you didn’t see coming. And honestly, it doesn’t matter how good the chemistry is that word tells you exactly how he sees this. Convenient. Casual. Easy for him.

You’re not being picky. You’re being honest about wanting something real. And the second he felt you getting closer, he pulled the brakes and tried to make you feel like you were overreacting. That’s not someone who wants more that’s someone who wants just enough.

You can’t make a man want a deeper relationship. You can only decide what you’re willing to stay in.
If you go quiet, pay attention to how that silence feels. If it feels calmer than the waiting, that’s your answer.

[Sally]

That kind of push-pull energy can get under your skin fast the eye contact, the nerves, the little jealous moves. It’s messy, but sometimes that’s how two people react when they’re both a little thrown off.

But here’s the thing… when you finally sat down with him, he only gave you fifteen minutes. That tells you more than all the staring across the room ever could. A man who really wants to know you will make space, not squeeze you in.

His “call me anytime” line sounds nice, but it’s vague on purpose. If you reach out, keep it light. Something simple, work-related, where you can see how he carries it. If he wants more, he’ll show you.

Just don’t chase him. Stay steady. Let him meet you halfway. If he doesn’t, you’ll know this was just chemistry

[Member]

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