[Sally]

You’re not asking him to choose you over his kids. You’re asking him not to forget you exist. There’s a big difference, and it sounds like he keeps acting like they’re the same thing.
An 18-year-old coming home for one day doesn’t automatically mean your anniversary has to disappear. He could’ve found a way to give you a little time, even if it wasn’t perfect.

What stings is he didn’t even try. He just flipped it back on you, like you were asking for something selfish.

And honestly… when someone blows up every time you talk about a real need, that’s a sign. It means they want the comfort of a relationship without the effort that comes with it.
You’re not wrong for wanting to matter. You just need someone who doesn’t make you feel guilty for it.

[Sally]

It’s hard when your heart pulls one way and the reality of someone’s life pulls another. And none of this makes you cold or selfish. It just means you’re imagining the whole picture, not just the good parts.

Loving someone doesn’t automatically make you ready for the weight that comes with their situation. And you shouldn’t push yourself into a life you secretly fear. That kind of pressure always shows up later.

But don’t ignore the part of you that finally feels safe with someone. That matters more than people talk about.

Maybe just slow down. You don’t have to decide his whole future or yours tonight. Stay honest with him and with yourself. See how it feels when you’re not trying to force an answer.
Sometimes clarity shows up quietly when you stop panicking about the destination.

[Sally]

When someone gives you mixed signals like that with big gifts, big promises, then hiding you from everyone, it messes with your sense of reality. Anyone would feel confused.

What you went through doesn’t sound like German culture or Aquarius behavior. It sounds like a man who wanted the parts of you that were convenient and kept the rest of his life walled off. When someone won’t let you meet a single person they know after months, they’re protecting something, and it usually isn’t you.

The sweet moments don’t erase the mean ones. And the money he left? That felt like his way of buying a clean exit, like he wanted to look like the good guy on his way out.
You weren’t too pushy. You were just trying to be in something real. Next time, trust the early signs. When someone hides you, believe it the first time.

[Sally]

When someone says all the right things but their actions get fuzzy, your mind starts spinning. And with everything happening in his life right now, it’s easy to wonder if you’re expecting too much… or not enough.

But here’s the thing: people make time for what grounds them, even in chaos. He doesn’t need a perfect schedule or long flowery texts. Just a little effort. A moment that says you matter. And it sounds like you’re not getting that right now, which hurts.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. It just means his life is loud and you’re the quiet part he assumes will still be there. That happens more than you’d think.
You’re not unreasonable for wanting to see him before he leaves. You’re just human. Talk to him when things calm down. Say what you need, simply. And then see how he shows up.

[Sally]

This whole thing feels like he keeps pulling you close just so he doesn’t lose you, but never actually choosing you. That kind of push-and-pull can mess with your head fast.
If a man really wants to be with you, he doesn’t keep another woman in the picture for five months. He doesn’t make you guess. He doesn’t hide behind anxiety or timing or whatever story he’s using that day.

You’re not being unfair. You’re just finally seeing what’s actually happening. And honestly, you don’t owe him a long speech or a soft landing. Sometimes walking away is the only way you get your peace back.

If every time you talk to him you end up doubting yourself, that’s your answer. You’re allowed to let this one go.

[Sally]

When someone sets a rhythm with us, even a small one, it’s easy to feel thrown off when they break it. But honestly… two days of quiet isn’t a red flag. It’s just a guy living his regular life.
Three dates in, people are still figuring out how close to lean in.

Some days they reach out more, some days they don’t. It doesn’t always mean something’s wrong. If anything, the fact that he already planned Saturday and was asking about seeing you twice in a weekend says a lot.

You don’t have to sit there counting the hours. If you want to say hi, say hi. You won’t ruin anything by being a real person.
Let it breathe a little. If he’s into you, he’ll show up again. Most men do.

[Sally]

Daniel, I get why you’re trying to make this easier for everyone, but reaching out to him like that… it’ll just tangle things up more than they already are. When a marriage is ending, even if it’s peaceful, emotions sit closer to the surface than we think. Your wife might feel blindsided. He might feel pressured. And you might end up feeling worse.

You don’t need to manage what happens next for her. You’ve done your part, and it sounds like you still care, which is human. But sometimes the kindest thing is stepping back and letting the new chapter start without you trying to shape it.

Let them figure out whatever they’re going to be. You just focus on getting through this with as much calm as you can.

[Sally]

It’s hard when a friendship starts feeling lopsided, and even harder when you care about someone and you’re not sure what any of it means. From the way you wrote this, it sounds like you’re carrying most of the weight while she just shows up wherever the fun is.

About John… you don’t need to make it a big moment. Just talk to him the way you always do. Ask what’s going on, not because you’re trying to claim him, but because you want things to stop feeling weird. Guys appreciate honesty more than we give them credit for.

And whatever’s happening with Joan, you’re allowed to take a step back if being around her feels heavy. Not everything has to be a triangle. Sometimes it’s just timing.

[Sally]

You’ve known this man for over a decade, and even when you weren’t together, your lives were still tangled. That kind of history makes you feel responsible for his feelings, even when he hasn’t exactly protected yours.

But honestly… you didn’t do anything cruel. You didn’t lie. You didn’t stir things up. You just stopped watching him chase someone who was already halfway out the door. And yeah, he’s mad but that’s because the truth wrecked the story he wanted to believe, not because you betrayed him.

If he can’t step back and see that you weren’t trying to hurt him, then that’s about where he is emotionally, not about what you did.
Give it some space. If there’s any real friendship left between you two, it’ll settle. And if it doesn’t… you didn’t cause that. You just finally told the truth.

[Sally]

Dating after a marriage ends hits different. You know who you are now, and that makes you pickier which isn’t a bad thing, it just feels lonely sometimes.

But be honest with yourself for a second. You’re holding on to a certain “type,” and maybe that type kept you stuck. Wanting someone younger isn’t wrong, but if you only look in that lane, you’re missing women who might surprise you in the best way.

You don’t have to settle. Just loosen the filter a little. Look for someone who makes you feel alive, not someone who just fits an age gap.
Love shows up in places you don’t expect when you stop trying to control the whole story.

[Sally]

When a weekend feels that intense, it’s easy to start imagining the whole future in your head. And she did open up to you but that doesn’t mean she was ready for something real right now. It just means she felt safe in that moment. Sometimes people say big things when they’re hurting and finally feel a little comfort.

And honestly… yeah, you came on too strong afterward. Not because you’re a bad guy, but because you were scared of losing the feeling you finally got from her. You kept trying to pin it down so you wouldn’t lose it, and she pulled back because it was too much all at once.

But here’s the part you need to breathe into: you didn’t ruin anything that was meant to become something solid. If she truly wants you in her life, space won’t push her away. It’ll give her room to settle her own mind.

Let her be quiet for a bit. Let things cool down. If she wants another shot, she’ll find her way back. And if she doesn’t… then that weekend was just a moment you both needed for different reasons, not the start of something lasting.
Either way, you’ll be okay.

[Sally]

Losing someone you loved is already heavy, and now you’re carrying this extra worry on top of it. That’s a lot for one person.

But listen… people who want to hurt you usually don’t stay quiet this long. What they’ve done so far deleting photos, cutting contact sounds more like a family trying to erase a part of their son’s life they didn’t approve of, not people planning revenge. Cruel, yes. But not necessarily dangerous.

I know it’s scary not having control over those pictures. Anyone would feel that way. But try not to jump to the worst-case story. Grief makes everything feel sharper and louder.
Take it one day at a time. If anything changes, you’ll deal with it then. For now, breathe. You’re not as powerless as you feel.

[Sally]

I get why you’re hesitating. This isn’t cold feet this is you finally admitting to yourself that love and marriage aren’t the same thing. You care about him, and he’s good to you in ways that matter. But being loved isn’t the only part of choosing a life with someone. You also have to look at who he is day-to-day… and who you are when you’re with him.

If you’re already drained now, before kids or shared bills or real stress, that’s not something you can ignore. His anger, the impatience, the way he struggles at work that’s not small stuff. That’s a pattern. And marrying someone hoping those parts will soften is how people end up quietly miserable.

You don’t have to leave him. But you shouldn’t marry him until you feel calm, not scared. Take your time. A wedding can wait. Your peace can’t.

[Sally]

It’s the kind of ending that doesn’t even feel like an ending it’s just someone slowly fading out until you’re left staring at your phone wondering what you did wrong. And the truth is, you didn’t do anything wrong. He just wasn’t showing up in a real way from the start.

Guys who are half-in, half-out always leave little clues. The slow texting. The Tinder account. The DMs. The excuses. That’s someone who likes attention, not commitment. When things started feeling real, he backed out the side door because that’s easier than being honest.

And I know you want a reason or a chance to reconnect someday, but men who disappear like this don’t suddenly come back as better versions of themselves. They come back the same… or not at all.
Let this be the closure he didn’t give you. You deserve someone who doesn’t vanish the second things get real.

[Sally]

haven’t even had room to breathe. When a man keeps another woman tucked away in the shadows, won’t bring you into the same room as her, brushes off your questions, and then jokes that you’re “single” unless he doesn’t know what you’re doing… that’s not a real partnership. That’s someone keeping the door cracked for options.

And honestly, the way you packed your things? That wasn’t drama. That was your gut finally speaking up.

You don’t need to chase him for answers. His behavior already told you everything. Let the silence sit for a bit. Let yourself feel what this actually is. If he wants something real with you, he’ll show up clear. If he doesn’t… you already survived worse than this, and you know how to walk away.

Just don’t call out of fear. Call only if you feel calm enough to hear the truth.

[Member]

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