[Marcus king]

Alright, listen because I’m going to be straight with you, but I’m not going to be cruel.

This man came into your life while his old life was still on fire. Divorce, moving, identity shift that’s emotional chaos. In the beginning, the attention felt intense because it wasn’t love it was escape. You became his comfort, his distraction, his “safe place” from all the stress. But once the dust started to settle and things got real, he backed up. Not because you did something wrong, but because he was never emotionally ready to give you consistency.

Here’s the thing:
When a man says “I’m not ready for a relationship,” believe him.
When he disappears, gets moody, or goes distant when life hits, that’s not timing that’s emotional capacity.

What you’re feeling now isn’t stupidity. It’s attachment. And that’s real.

But chasing him, asking where you stand, trying to “fix” the distance that’s just going to make you feel smaller.

So here’s your move:
You stop contacting him.
Not as a game but because you deserve to see what he does when the ball is actually in his hands.

If he reaches out with clarity and consistent effort not crumbs then you decide if you want to continue.
If he doesn’t reach out at all, then you’ll see the truth:

He liked the connection, the comfort, the affection
But he wasn’t ready to choose you.

And you can love someone deeply and still walk away when they can’t meet you.

You’re not an idiot.
You’re just human.
And you care.
But don’t let that care turn into self-betrayal.

Let him come to you or let him go.
Either way, you don’t chase.

[Marcus king]

Calling yourself “the last of the nice guys” tells me you’re tired. Not just of dating but of feeling like you keep showing up with good intentions and getting overlooked, used, or taken for granted.

But listen being a good man is not the problem.
Being a good man with no boundaries is.

A lot of “nice guys” do good things hoping love will come back to them because of it.
But real attraction doesn’t work like a reward system.

You don’t need to become a jerk.
You don’t need to stop caring.
You just need to stop giving your loyalty where it isn’t earned.

Be kind but don’t be available to everyone.
Be respectful but don’t chase someone who’s showing you confusion.
Be loving but only when someone shows up with the same energy.

You’re not the last of anything.
You’re just someone who needs to start valuing himself as much as he values others.

The right woman doesn’t make you prove you’re good enough.
She recognizes it and meets you there.

[Marcus king]

She’s already with someone, so this is not the moment to confess anything. Telling her now doesn’t bring you closer to her it just puts her in an awkward position and you in a painful one. If she’s committed, the most respectful move is to not interfere. You don’t want to be the guy who becomes a complication in someone’s relationship.
But your feelings are real so instead of confessing, pull back just a little. Not dramatic, not cold just enough space to get your emotions under control. Keep it friendly, keep it natural, but stop fueling those moments that make you fall deeper.
If her relationship ever ends on its own naturally, not because of you then that’s when you step closer and see if there’s space for something real.
You don’t have to push it. Just be steady.
Respect speaks louder than confession.

[Marcus king]

This is a serious betrayal, and your reaction makes complete sense. You didn’t just stumble on something minor you found a hidden email account actively being used to talk to men about meeting for sex. That’s not a slip in judgment or a one-time mistake. That’s a separate life being lived alongside the one he has with you. And you’re right to feel shocked and unable to even look at him right now.

Before anything else, you do not have to confront him immediately. You’re in emotional shock. Your mind and body need time to catch up. If you confront him while you’re overwhelmed, the conversation will go in circles, or he’ll deny, twist, or shut down. You need to get steady first. And while I know it feels heavy to say anything out loud, you should tell at least one trusted person in your real life a friend, a therapist, someone who can help you hold the emotional weight so you don’t have to carry it alone.

The conversation you eventually have with him isn’t about accusing or demanding. It’s not about asking “why did you do this?” because he may not even know how to answer that honestly yet. The real question is: “What life have you really been living while I thought we were in a committed relationship?” And when you ask that, you say it calmly, simply, and without trying to soften the discomfort. Then you listen.

Whether he is questioning his sexuality, hiding it out of fear, or acting out of impulse that’s his work to reconcile. What matters for you is that he lied, hid, and created a secret sexual world outside your relationship. That breaks trust at the foundation. And you don’t have to fix him, understand him, or save this relationship at the cost of your own emotional safety.

You’re not wrong for feeling devastated. You’re not dramatic. You’re not weak. You’re someone who just found out the relationship you thought you were in may not be the relationship you actually had. And that realization hurts deeply but it also gives you clarity. You are allowed to walk away, and if you choose to stay and try to understand, that has to be on your terms, not through fear, guilt, or confusion.

[Marcus king]

Alright let me be real with you.

This man didn’t suddenly start lying after he married you. He was lying during the relationship you two started because that’s how the relationship was built. You and him started in secrecy, in hiding, in half-truths. That doesn’t mean you deserved it but it does mean he learned that lying was the way to keep the situation together.

So now, when something is uncomfortable, he goes right back to the same behavior:
Hide it, deny it, flip the blame, get angry so you stop asking questions.
That’s not protection. That’s manipulation.

The moment he calls you “pathetic” or “sick” for asking about the truth that’s emotional abuse. That’s him trying to shame you into silence. A man who has nothing to hide doesn’t have to get loud.

You already know this isn’t about the paperwork.
It’s about trust and he’s showing you he won’t give you transparency unless you drag it out of him.

The question now is simple:

Do you want a relationship where you’re always the detective and he’s always hiding the evidence?

Because unless he chooses to be honest and accountable nothing changes.
This isn’t a conversation problem.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing you’re not wrong about what you’ve seen. A lot of people do choose chaos because it feels familiar, exciting, or because they haven’t done the work to know what healthy actually looks like. Hurt people chase what mirrors their hurt. And yes, when they finally burn themselves out, they go looking for the steady guy to clean it all up.

But that doesn’t mean all women are like that. You’re just noticing the ones who are still unhealed because that’s who you’ve been crossing paths with. When you’re in your own rebuilding phase, you attract people who are also still figuring themselves out. When you were partying, you got women who were also living in that lane. Now that you’re growing, you’re still in transition so you’re seeing the women who haven’t caught up yet.

When a man can be kind and confident, caring and grounded in his standards that’s when he gets the right woman.

So keep becoming the man you’re building yourself to be. But don’t close the door and decide the whole world is trash. You’re just not at the part where your match shows up yet.

And when she does you won’t need to “fix” her. She’ll be standing beside you, not leaning on you to stay up.

[Marcus king]

Alright. Here’s the thing you two didn’t end things for no reason. You both left because something in that relationship wasn’t working. Having a child, history, and old feelings can make it feel right to try again, but love without real change just leads back to the same place.

Before you decide to get back together, ask yourself what’s actually different now. Not emotionally, but practically. Has he grown? Have you? Are you both willing to communicate better, handle conflict differently, and actually work through what broke you apart the first time? Because if neither of you changed, you’ll just replay the same story with the same ending.

You also need to be clear on why you want to get back together. Is it because you truly love him and see a future, or because the history feels safe and familiar? There’s a big difference between love and attachment, and confusing the two can trap you in old patterns.

If you really want to give this another shot, have a direct, grown conversation. Talk honestly about what went wrong, what needs to change, and what both of you are willing to do differently. Getting back together can work but only if you both rebuild it intentionally, not emotionally.

[Marcus king]

Alright here’s the real talk.

You’re not actually mad at “women.”
You’re mad that you feel overlooked. And instead of sitting with that, you turned it into a philosophy about why women are inferior or irrational. That’s just pain wearing armor.

The whole “nice guys finish last” thing?
That’s not about kindness it’s about passivity.

Women don’t choose jerks.
They choose men who have a backbone.
Confidence. Boundaries. A sense of self.

A lot of guys who call themselves “nice” are really just afraid to show what they want, so they over-give, over-explain, and hope to be chosen. That’s not nice that’s needy. Big difference.

And the part where you say you’ll eventually turn into a jerk who uses women?
No you won’t.
You don’t actually want that you just want to stop feeling powerless.

[Marcus king]

He likes the relationship exactly as it is comfortable, convenient, low-pressure. He’s not moving toward deeper commitment because he doesn’t feel urgency or emotional risk. You’ve created a situation where he gets all the benefits of partnership without having to choose you in a bigger way.

Two years with no “I love you” + no timeline for living together he’s keeping emotional distance. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he’s protecting himself after his divorce and financial stress.

[Marcus king]

He didn’t suddenly stop loving you he’d been pulling away for a while. You’ve been trying to love him harder to hold things together, but if someone wants to stay, you don’t have to convince them.

Right now, every time you message him, you’re chasing. And that only makes him more distant. It’s not because you’re not enough it’s because he has already stepped out emotionally.

So your move now is to stop reaching out. Not to “get him back,” but to protect your heart and regain your strength. If he realizes what he lost, he’ll come back on his own. If he doesn’t then you didn’t lose your forever, you lost the person who wasn’t meant to stay.

Let the silence do the work. You’re going to be okay.

[Marcus king]

Alright, let’s break this down real simple.

His interest in another girl doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested in you. It just means at the time, she was the one he was focused on. People shift. Feelings shift. Timing matters more than we like to admit.

You put your cards on the table and that opened a door he hadn’t considered fully before. Once he saw you were serious, he realized, “Damn… this could actually be something.”

And the fact that he’s known you for years? That works in your favor. A man will not risk a long-standing friendship just to play games. That kind of move carries weight. If he was just looking to pass time, he’d have kept things exactly how they were.

So what does this mean?

He chose you not by accident, not from pressure, but because the picture changed when you spoke your truth.

Don’t overthink it.
Just take it slow, stay grounded, and see how it unfolds.

Sometimes the thing you feared losing is the thing you were supposed to step toward.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing you’re already in a relationship. You’re just missing the label. The toothbrush, the late nights, the family introductions that’s not casual. That’s consistency with comfort, and most men don’t invest that kind of time if they’re not at least emotionally attached.

Now, the talk? Keep it calm and natural. Don’t corner him with “What are we?” Instead, slide it in when things are good maybe after dinner or during a quiet moment. Something like, “I’ve really enjoyed what we’ve built it feels like more than just hanging out. I just want to be sure we’re on the same page.”

That line keeps the tone honest but not heavy. If he’s been acting like your man, chances are he’ll admit he’s thinking the same. And if he isn’t well, better to know now than waste more months pretending.

[Marcus king]

You’re overthinking it which is understandable, because this is all new territory for you. Let’s break it down.

First guy (Sam):
He’s probably enjoying the conversation, but given he’s back in England, this will likely stay casual unless one of you makes an intentional move. That doesn’t mean it’s meaningless it’s good practice for connection and flirting. Just don’t invest too heavily. Keep chatting if it feels fun, but don’t start planning flights or futures. If it fades, let it.

Second guy (Matt):
That moment sounds real chemistry, curiosity, and a little shyness on both sides. If he’s thinking about you too, he’ll remember where you work and might circle back. Still, you could take a light initiative: send that employee recognition message. Keep it friendly and simple just enough to put your name on his radar again. If he’s interested, he’ll make the next move.

And one last thing: being 22 and never having dated isn’t strange or shameful. You’re just late to a game most people rush into before they even know themselves. Take your time. You’re not behind you’re just about to start for real.

[Marcus king]

You’re not being selfish you’re being human. When someone you love faces something as heavy as cancer, it shakes your sense of safety, too. And when that person starts pulling away, it leaves you feeling helpless and unwanted on top of everything else.

Here’s the thing: people handle illness in different ways. Some cling tighter, others retreat because they don’t want to burden anyone or show weakness. From what you said, your boyfriend sounds like the second type he’s still functioning in public but shutting down emotionally where he feels most vulnerable: with you.

Right now, the best move isn’t to chase his attention but to anchor yourself and offer calm presence. Let him know gently, without pressure that you care, that you’ll give him space if he needs it, but you’re still there. Then shift some focus back to you: lean on friends, see a counselor, rest. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Love him, yes but protect your peace, too. This chapter is about endurance, not control.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing, man you’re not a loser. You’re just stuck in a loop that’s feeding your pain instead of helping you move forward. Being 38 and a virgin doesn’t define your worth it just describes your story so far.

But I’ll be real with you: the bitterness and self-pity in your tone are pushing people away before they even get a chance to see you. Women don’t run because of your inexperience they run because they can feel when someone’s carrying resentment or desperation.

You’ve done therapy and meds that’s good. But what you need now is exposure to life again. Get out of bed, join something small but social a class, a hobby group, volunteering. Somewhere that lets you exist around people without the pressure of dating. Practice connection first; attraction follows confidence, not tears.

And yeah there are women who’d date a man with no experience. What they need is honesty, warmth, and emotional steadiness not apologies for your past. So stop asking, “Who’d want me?” and start becoming someone you’d want to be with. That’s when things start shifting.

[Member]

Posts