[Serena Vale]

You’re not wrong for feeling hurt. Anyone would be.

But here’s the truth: if he wanted to commit to you, he already would have. A year is enough time to know. Saying he’s “not ready” is still an answer, and it means you’re not his priority.

The baby mama will always be part of his life. That doesn’t automatically mean cheating, but it does mean emotional ties, shared history, and constant contact. If that already makes you anxious now, it won’t magically get easier later.

You read the text for a reason, your gut already knew something wasn’t sitting right.

He gets companionship, love, and comfort from you without giving you commitment. That’s not fair to you.

You don’t need to wait until the end of the year. The right man won’t leave you guessing, competing, or feeling second. Protect your heart. If you want clarity and commitment, it’s okay to walk away from someone who can’t offer that.

You’re not losing, you’re choosing yourself.

[Serena Vale]

You’re not silly for dreaming big. Wanting love, marriage, and a simple life is okay, even at 18. That part of you is sweet, not naive.

But here’s the honest part: online chemistry is not real-life chemistry. You don’t actually know how someone shows up day to day until you’re in the same space, stressed, tired, annoyed, bored. That matters more than shared beliefs on a screen.

You don’t need to rush. You’re not late to life. Let yourself grow, date in real life, learn who you are first. If he’s truly right for you, he’ll still be there when reality enters the picture.

Have your plan, just hold it loosely. Life always edits it.

[Serena Vale]

Sometimes when someone says they feel “lonely” or “not part of your life,” it’s not about proof, it’s about reassurance. He may need to feel chosen, not just hear it.

You show commitment by letting him into your real life: your friends, family, routines, plans. By showing up consistently. By being affectionate, thoughtful, and present, not perfectly, just honestly.

But here’s the hard truth: you can do all the right things and still not be able to fix how someone feels. If you’re already showing up, loving him, including him, and he still doesn’t believe it, that may be about his own insecurity, not your lack of commitment.

Talk to him calmly. Ask what specifically makes him feel left out. Try to meet him halfway. But don’t turn yourself inside out trying to prove love. Love isn’t a courtroom.

If he wants to be with you, reassurance will help.
If he wants out, no amount of proving will change that.

Pay attention to how much you’re giving, and whether it’s being received.

[Serena Vale]

You’re not crazy, and you’re not overreacting.

This man is still emotionally tied to his child’s mother, whether he admits it or not.

Yes, he’s being a good dad, but he’s also allowing a level of closeness that leaves no real space for you. And that’s the part that hurts.

When you date a parent, the child comes first. But you should never feel hidden, sidelined, or shut out.

Hanging up when she arrives, disappearing when they’re together, and treating that dynamic as “normal”, that’s not something you can fix.

He’s showing you how his life works. Believe him.

The question isn’t why he does this, the question is: Can you live with always being second?

If the answer is no, that doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you honest.

Sometimes the healthiest choice is walking away from something that hurts, even when there are feelings.

[Serena Vale]

Here’s the truth, without the drama:

Cedric likes the attention, not the responsibility.
That’s why he reacts when you get close to someone else, but does nothing to actually claim you.

That “freak out then act normal” behavior isn’t love. It’s insecurity and control, not intention.

If he wanted you, he’d be clear. He’d ask you out properly. He wouldn’t leave you confused, guessing, or walking on eggshells.

You didn’t land in no-man’s land. You’re just dealing with a guy who wants you emotionally available without committing.

So the move is simple:
Stop centering Cedric.
Stop explaining yourself.
Be friendly, but step back emotionally.

The right guy won’t make you analyze this much.
He’ll make you feel chosen, calmly, consistently, clearly.

And yes, men can be confusing.
But confusion itself is often the answer.

[Serena Vale]

Here’s the honest, human truth:
He chose you. He’s building now with you. His past didn’t work for real-life reasons, not because he was missing something, it just wasn’t compatible.

It’s okay to want his whole heart. That doesn’t make you insecure, it makes you invested. What matters is that when you spoke up, he reassured you instead of dismissing you. Calling his ex “obsolete” is his way of saying: you’re it.

Keep communicating like you did, calmly, honestly. If his actions continue to match his words, you’re in a good place.

You handled this well. 💛

[Serena Vale]

This is fixable, but only if both of you are willing to change, not just you.

Right now, you’re carrying everything: the baby, the house, a full-time job, and his emotional distance. That’s too much for one person. You’re not crazy. You’re exhausted and lonely.

He didn’t just start a business, he emotionally checked out of the marriage and parenting. And blaming you for “putting the child first” is unfair. Of course you do. Someone has to.

Before jumping to divorce, there needs to be one very clear conversation, not a fight. Calm, direct, no begging. Something like:
“I can’t keep living like this. I need a partner, not just a paycheck. Either we work on this together, or we won’t survive.”

If he dismisses you, calls you crazy, or refuses to change, that’s your answer. You can’t save a marriage alone.

You deserve support, presence, and respect. Don’t forget that.

[Serena Vale]

You’re not wrong for being hurt. Finding porn right after having a baby can crush your confidence, especially when you’re young, exhausted, and already feeling insecure. That pain is real.

But this doesn’t sound like he’s choosing porn over you, it sounds like he doesn’t know how to handle the change in your sex life, and porn became an easy escape. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does make it understandable.

The bigger issue isn’t the porn, it’s the broken trust and the way this keeps making you feel unsafe and unwanted.

Before you leave, ask yourself this:
Is he willing to actually work on this with you, therapy, honesty, effort, or does he just keep apologizing and hiding it better?

If he’s willing to do real work, give it one final chance with clear boundaries.
If he isn’t, staying will only keep hurting you.

You deserve honesty, safety, and love, especially after everything your body and heart have been through.

[Serena Vale]

What’s happening to you is fear, not lack of ability. Your mind goes blank because you’re putting pressure on yourself to “perform.” That’s normal.

Yes , you’re overthinking. And yes, you’re afraid of being seen trying.

Here’s the truth:
Flirting is not being clever. It’s being present.

You don’t need lines. You don’t need wit. You need one simple habit:

Say one small thing, then stop.

Examples:

“Hey.”

“How’s your day going?”

“That looks good, what is it?”

“You seem busy today.”

That’s it. No plan. No goal. Just one sentence.

You cannot practice flirting at home. Reading won’t fix this. Action will.

Start tiny. Low-stakes. Talk to women you’re not attracted to. Cashiers. Baristas. Coworkers. Get comfortable speaking while nervous.

And stop trying to impress.
Connection comes from calm, not performance.

You’re not broken. You’re just rusty.

Keep going.

[Serena Vale]

Don’t confess your feelings.
Ask her out on a real date.

Telling her everything puts pressure on her, especially because she’s shy. A date is lighter. It gives her space to feel things naturally, without being overwhelmed.

You don’t need to rush touching or kissing. Sit close. Talk. Laugh. If it feels right, small things happen on their own. If it doesn’t, you’ll know without embarrassing either of you.

Dates create clarity. Confessions create stress.

Ask her out. That’s the move.

[Serena Vale]

Right now you’re stuck in a loop, breaking up, feeling bad, getting pulled back in, and nothing really changing.

If you truly want to be with him, then stop breaking up and own that choice. If you don’t, then you have to mean the breakup and hold the boundary, even when he reaches out or guilt-trips you.

What’s not fair, to you or him, is ending things over and over and then going back because you feel bad.

You’re young. Pay attention to how someone makes you feel, not how much you miss them when they’re gone. If his behavior already bothers you this much, that feeling usually doesn’t disappear, it grows.

Clarity comes from choosing, not drifting.

[Serena Vale]

I’m going to be honest with you, gently.

This relationship has been full of lies, confusion, and other people from the very beginning. That’s not a small issue, that’s the foundation. And right now, that foundation isn’t solid.

She may be nice to you, but someone who keeps lying, hiding things, and keeping other options open isn’t truly choosing you. A healthy relationship doesn’t make you feel anxious, suspicious, or like a backup plan.

You said you want something serious and peaceful. This isn’t that. And hoping she’ll suddenly become different is only going to hurt you more.

Sometimes the right choice isn’t about love, it’s about self-respect.

Yes, it’s okay to walk away.

[Serena Vale]

It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot for a long time, and you’re tired, that’s real. But I don’t think she chose the job over you. She chose something that makes her feel stable again after a really dark year.

You two grew the closest when you were both feeling safe and calm together. Right now, she’s trying to get back to that version of herself. And honestly, she probably needs this job for her own healing.

But your feelings matter too. Wanting time with your partner isn’t selfish, it’s human. The schedule change will be an adjustment, and you’ll only know if it works by trying it, not by assuming the worst.

Give it some time. See how it feels when the routine settles.
If it still doesn’t make you happy, then you’ll know the relationship can’t meet your needs anymore.

But don’t make this a “her or the job” thing. She’s not abandoning you, she’s trying to get her life back. Let space and time show you whether you two can still meet in the middle.

[Serena Vale]

You didn’t lose him because you’re not enough. You lost him because things got messy and overwhelming, and he didn’t know how to handle it. When someone feels scared or pushed, even by accident, they pull away to protect themselves. It’s human.

He’s not rejecting you. He’s rejecting the chaos that happened around you.

Right now the only thing that can help is space, real space. No showing up, no “just checking in,” no trying to fix it quickly. That only makes his walls go higher.

What will actually make a difference is you taking this time to get yourself back to a calmer, steady place. That’s the version of you he fell for. And you can get back there, you really can.

And honestly? Six years doesn’t vanish overnight. He’s angry and hurt, but that doesn’t mean the whole story is over forever. It just means you need to slow down, breathe, and show change through consistent actions, not words.

Let him breathe.
Focus on healing.
Let time soften things.

If it’s meant to reconnect later, it will, but right now, take care of you. I’m here if you need help with what to do next.

[Serena Vale]

You’ve been trying so hard to hold this together, but she’s already let go. And as painful as it is, you need to see her actions for what they are, not for what you wish they meant.

She isn’t confused, she’s choosing a different life right now. The partying, the chaos, the “I want to be free”… that’s where her head is. And none of that matches the kind of partnership you were building.

The sweet things she says?
That’s guilt talking, not love. She’s trying to leave without feeling like the bad guy.

You can’t fix this for her.
And you definitely can’t “win back” someone who doesn’t even know who she is at the moment.

What you can do is step back, protect your heart, and start accepting that this chapter is ending. She needs to figure out her life on her own, and you deserve someone who actually wants to stay.

It hurts, I know. But sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let someone walk away.

[Member]

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