[Jessica Miller]

I read this whole thread and April really said it best. This is why AskApril works, no fluff, just truth.

Five-hour talks and future talk can feel amazing, but without actions they don’t mean much. No friends, no family, no holidays, no birthday card (sorry, fridge magnets don’t count 😅) those aren’t small things. They show where you really stand.

Talking about marriage while keeping you out of his real life isn’t commitment, it’s convenience.

April, I really appreciate your direct advice. My question is:
What’s the clearest sign that someone is serious and moving slowly versus just lonely and enjoying the connection?

Because when someone wants you, you don’t feel confused this often.

[Jessica Miller]

I’m not an expert at all, just someone who reads these kinds of posts and tries to make sense of them and honestly, this one feels very clear from the outside.
I really appreciate how direct April was — she said it straight. Reading the story, it feels like the ex-wife and kids aren’t the real issue here.
It feels like the problem is that nothing has truly changed in four years. You’ve moved, adjusted your life, driven back and forth, and put in real effort, while he’s stayed comfortable where he is.

A commitment ceremony while he’s still legally married doesn’t really move things forward. It just makes the waiting feel more official. And the fact that the divorce still isn’t finalized says more than any promise about “soon.”

From a regular person’s point of view, if January comes and there’s still no real action, that’s probably your answer. Wanting a clear plan, boundaries, and an actual future together isn’t too much, it’s the bare minimum in a serious relationship.

[Jessica Miller]

I read everything you wrote, and honestly… this sounds exhausting.

One minute he’s saying he loves you, sending flowers, acting like your boyfriend. The next minute he’s saying “we’re single” and “now isn’t the right time.” That back-and-forth would confuse anyone. Good job! You are feeling stuck for the right reasons – somebody was opening the door and then he has been slamming it halfway shut once more.

It’s like he is craving the warmth of you but at the same time not making a commitment to take up the responsibility. He wants to have you but at the same time does not want to decide you completely.This is indeed unfair. You have been brought to and fro, like a pendulum placed on a chain which oscillates from one end to the other, and just when it gets back there is stinging agony time after time.

I agree with April here. Staying in touch is keeping the wound open. You can’t heal if he keeps texting “just to talk” while refusing to actually be with you.

April, I’d love your thoughts on this:
What are the ways she can establish a boundary that will be respected? Besides, if she decides to cut all ties, what measures can she take to safeguard her heart, that she does not involuntarily enter the same cycle again?

Sure, But who’ll console the heartbroken widowed one night after full night?

[Jessica Miller]

Oof… this is a lot. I feel for you.

Here’s the simple truth, no big words: Bob loves you, but he is still scared of his mom. He’s 55, not a kid, yet you’re hiding like it’s a secret club. That’s tiring.

In my point of view but real: love shouldn’t feel like sneaking around or waiting for permission. You shouldn’t have to disappear on holidays or pretend you don’t exist.

AskApril is right — this is who he is. He may never change. So the real question is not “Will he stand up to his parents?” but “Can you live like this forever?”

[Jessica Miller]

This is really sad, and also very clear when you step back.

You didn’t do something wrong. You showed up, you were kind, you were honest, you gave time, care, and even help. That’s not a mistake — that’s being a decent human.

But here’s the simple truth, in kid-level words:
When someone really wants you, they don’t disappear. They don’t leave you waiting all night. They don’t go quiet for a month. Even if life is hard, they send one message. One.

The no-call, no-show wasn’t confusion. It was a choice. And it was rude. But honest: she was fond of the cosiness, the focus, the protection… but she was not prepared to reciprocate. This is not love, but it is more like taking one’s heart and not giving it back.

It wouldn’t be worth the trouble to pursue a person who has no even minor courtesy of saying goodbye. The best choice you can make for yourself is to reject all openings for conversation, guard your pride, and keep the fact in mind that to all extent a person who disappears unannounced like this has been doing you a favour by not letting you waste more time with him/her.

[Jessica Miller]

This one really hurt to read. You can feel how tired and scared he is.

Here’s the simple truth, no big words: what happened was before you two were together. Back then, she was single. Messy? Yes. Perfect? No. But not cheating.

The real problem now is your brain won’t stop playing the same bad movie again and again. That’s torture. Loving does not seem like fighting your own thoughts every night.

Please don’t put the other guy on that super-hero pedestal of yours. He’s not better than you. If he was, she wouldn’t be travelling hours just to see you for 9 months. She chose you. Again and again.

If this pain keeps eating you alive, love alone won’t fix it. You can either have an honest discussion and possibly seek assistance or simply leave to protect your peace. A partnership needs to be a secure environment, not a nightmare.

[Jessica Miller]

Wow April, your advice is very clear and honest. Love it.

The tale reveals a most crushing experience. His love for her was profound, but her actions still caused him suffering repeatedly. It is not the nature of love to turn a person into an attention seeker or constantly feel like they are losing their mind. Cheating, lying, and ignoring messages is not care.

There occur moments in life when the bitter truth is: if someone truly desires you, chasing him or her is unnecessary. You are entitled to respect and to experience the kind of love that is serene and pleasant, not the one that leads to misunderstandings. Ending the romantic relationship is difficult, but it is still rather easier than living in a partnership where you turn into a mere shadow of yourself.

[Jessica Miller]

Wow April, this is simple and smart advice.

She doesn’t need to stress or plan something big. Just be kind, smile, talk, and see how he acts back. Flirting can be very small things, laughing, eye contact, being friendly. If it feels right, it will show. And if not, she still keeps the friendship safe. Simple and calm is best here.

[Jessica Miller]

Wow April, I really like this advice.

This sounds like a shy guy who just missed the moment, not someone who did something wrong. Those little signs really do sound like she was hoping he’d say hi. Having no one compelled to initiate the first move could have been perceived as miscommunication, which elicited an embarrassed withdrawal.

Just like yourself, April. Let’s keep it simple; when smiling, keeping it simple would be better. Taking the first step, since that is all that is required – a smile, a “hi,” or whatever series of questions may follow from such simplicity. You don’t need a big speech. The growth of confidence occurs post trial, not pre trial. And even in the case of a failure, at least he will be aware of his attempt. This is preferable to the eternal “what if” questioning.

[Jessica Miller]

Wow AskApril, love your advice — you always say it so clearly, love it! ❤️

This situation would upset anyone. After years of hearing that his marriage was over, seeing him plan trips and laugh with his wife would confuse anyone. Maybe he says it’s for the child, but the hard part is that he didn’t talk to you honestly first. You’re not wrong for feeling hurt. If he can’t clearly tell you where you stand, that confusion itself is already an answer.

[Jessica Miller]

AskApril, what should someone do first when a husband takes their phone, money, and car and leaves them stranded with a child should safety come before trying to fix the marriage, and how can she protect herself legally right now?

[Jessica Miller]

This hurts because he said sweet things but still chose freedom. Chemistry is fun, but no commitment is loud. Seeing him flirt was the truth slap.
AskApril, love it how you say to believe words the first time. As a newbie, I feel moving on is painful—but waiting is worse.

[Jessica Miller]

This really hurts to read because you can feel how much you’re trying. Long distance is already hard, and when something traumatic happens, that’s when you really see if someone shows up or not. Him pulling back, talking less, and stopping “I love you” would confuse anyone.

AskApril, I love how you explained this. It makes sense that after only three months, expectations can get mixed up. Love it how you remind us not to rush and force something that’s still new.

As my point of view, it feels like she’s giving more than she’s getting. One good day and then three silent days? That’s exhausting. Maybe stepping back a little and seeing what he does next will give the real answer.

[Jessica Miller]

Poor Bryan, this is such a tough spot . Four years of dating on and off, trying to balance kids, feelings, and trust—it’s no joke. Liz isn’t being harsh, she’s scared and just trying to protect her kids. That “protecting her kids” line? Classic parent panic mode.

AskApril, I love how you make this so clear. He really wants things to work, but she needs real commitment, not just comfort or apologies. Pushing too hard will just make her step back more.

Love it how you explain that patience, respect, and clear action are what matters now. If he shows that, maybe she’ll come back—but if not, stepping back is the best move for both.

[Jessica Miller]

Poor Bryan, this is such a tough spot 😬. Four years of dating on and off, trying to balance kids, feelings, and trust—it’s no joke. Liz isn’t being harsh, she’s scared and just trying to protect her kids. That “protecting her kids” line? Classic parent panic mode.

AskApril, I love how you make this so clear. He really wants things to work, but she needs real commitment, not just comfort or apologies. Pushing too hard will just make her step back more.

Love it how you explain that patience, respect, and clear action are what matters now. If he shows that, maybe she’ll come back—but if not, stepping back is the best move for both.

[Member]

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