[Mariz]

You are not being naive. He has so many issues that it’s not easy for him to trust you. It’s understandable, but it’s really hard to be in a relationship with someone who has no trust.
It feels like even when you do the right thing, he still connects it to his past. There’s no way to make him change or do what you want unless he also wants it for himself.
Just because you love each other doesn’t mean you are compatible—those are two different things.
The decision is now in your hands about what you really want: marriage, living together, and so on. After that, find someone who has the same goals as you.

[Mariz]

Just cry it all out until the pain is gone.

In your situation right now, you don’t really have control anymore because there’s nothing you can do to make it continue if he no longer wants it. No matter how much you want to keep the relationship going, he already doesn’t.

The only thing you can do now is move on.

[Mariz]

No one can really say whether the day will come when he realizes that you are truly the one he wants. And if you don’t want to move on and your only choice is to wait, that’s up to you—it’s your decision.
But there is no certainty. What I’m saying is, you might end up wasting your time for nothing, or your waiting might actually lead to something good.
My advice is just to be smart about it—the one who loses in this situation is you.
You still have many people you can meet in the future. The reason you feel this way right now is because you are very attached to this person.

[Mariz]

Is it possible that she might be using your marriage just to get a green card in Brazil? Think carefully, my friend—it seems like this woman might be using you. Imagine, you’re already engaged but she is still hiding you. That’s not fair to you, and it’s really painful.
You actually have more of a point here than she does. If she truly stands by what she wants, then there is no reason for you to continue the relationship. This is not a joke or a small matter.
It almost feels like she is ashamed of you, or like she doesn’t want people to know she has a fiancé.
The question is—why? Is she still open to other relationships? Because why would you hide your fiancé from the public?

[Mariz]

There’s nothing wrong with you—everything you’re experiencing is normal for a man who likes a woman. You’ve already tried to initiate talking to her, but you said you get nervous and stammer. So why not try again, but do it in a more prepared and confident way?

It’s not that things aren’t going in your favor—there are just some things you can’t control, like whether she is interested in you or not.

[Mariz]

It doesn’t matter what your gender is anymore—you’re already in your 50s. Just enjoy whatever you want to do. Even if you try everything and explore, as long as you’re not hurting anyone and you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t be worried. It’s not important anymore what gender you are.

[Mariz]

Sex is really pleasurable—you can forget your problems because of it. That’s why you also end up convincing yourself that he likes you too. But it’s clear that he is just using you.

He still wants his ex, which is why he had a breakdown when their breakup became official.

Besides that, you didn’t really have a clear setup or understanding of what you truly are to each other, so it’s like you were just friends with benefits or a “fuck buddy” situation, right?

So basically, there was never really anything solid to expect from each other in the first place.

[Mariz]

What you’re doing is okay—showing interest in him is like giving him a signal that he has a chance with you. And you also did the right thing by not chasing him, since you’re a woman. Men usually don’t like it when women chase them; they can lose interest when that happens.
Also, you’ll know more clearly if he truly likes you if he keeps making an effort and eventually invites you out on an actual date.

[Mariz]

It’s simple—earn her trust again. If necessary, follow the way she wants to monitor you. Because you don’t really lose anything by doing that if your goal is to win back her trust.

[Mariz]

For the record, you are not overreacting. You are his girlfriend, and you have every right to feel angry, disappointed, and hurt, okay?

At first, let’s say it was still somewhat acceptable and understandable from your side because you tried to be open-minded even if he was traveling with only girls. I mean, yes, they are friends—but why are there only female friends? Why weren’t you included in his plans if you are his girlfriend?

It’s not about being controlling, but those are your rights as his girlfriend.

And the worst part is, you already talked about it, everything was understood, and he knew you were uncomfortable—but he still did it again. And this time, he even went to the place you’ve always dreamed of going to with him.

That’s a different level already. That’s too much and it’s not fair anymore.

My advice is to leave him. He is not valuing your feelings anymore and it seems like he doesn’t care about how much it hurts you.

[Member]

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