[moumou764]

Hi April,
I really think I have confused the situation for you! I always try to cut the story short but by doing so I do not explain properly. Sorry about that.
It definitely seems like a date. It was not a work event in the typical way. It was a music concert that some people from work were going to (me and the man in question were not) to celebrate an ex co-worker coming to visit. During lunch I mentioned the concert and band who were playing were a band I would like to see. He said he wanted to go and would I like to go with him. At this point I thought he was referring to us going along with the people from work. He was not in work the two days before the concert and I left the money for the ticket in his work folder. When we went to the concert and I mentioned the others, he did not want to meet them, rather us to stay alone. Obviously at this point I thought ‘oh no, the money!!’
On the Monday he found the money and offended, giving it back to me.
I told a girl at work that I was going to the concert after he mentioned it and he told me the next week that I should not have told her and that our personal life is private. (I found out later that this girl had been pursuing him).
2 weeks earlier he asked me to go to a summer bbq a friend was having at her house. I should say that I find it difficult to read between the lines.
About 6 weeks later he went to his home country for summer. Between the concert/bbq and then we flirted, had flirty texts etc and he also became irritable and giving me the silent treatments as I mentioned in my first message. What I haven’t mentioned before was that I was on holiday in his home city, he arranged for us to meet up and he introduced me to his two best friends.
Coming back from the summer he made comments to me indicating that I was not getting his point and that I was being ‘blind’ and ‘closed’ to him. That is why I asked him casually for the drink as I thought it would show me ‘getting his point’ and ‘opening up’. I have already explained how he wanted to go but then didn’t mention it and then became defensive when I brought it up.
Anyway, I completely get your point that if men want to ask you out they would just ask you.
What I am wondering is how can someone who seemed to be asking me out socially and who has been and still is behaving like he is jealous and frustrated not ask me out properly. He doesn’t like me talking to other men at work, this is when he gives me the silent treatment. Also, apparently he has not been out with anyone from work since he has been there (3 yrs) so people were shocked that he has taken me anywhere.
Maybe I have got this all wrong but too many people (majority of those who do not know we have even been out alone) have commented on his behavior for us all to be wrong.
I have probably made this too confusing for you now. Tells me that if I am going to tell my story I should not worry about length or boring people but give ALL the information. 🙂

[moumou764]

Hi April,

Thank you for your reply! I don’t think I explained the beginning part very well (Sorry, its seems a lot has happened and is difficult to condense).

This whole thing has been happening over the course of the 12 months since we met and I started working there. He did not speak to me for the first 2 weeks and subsequently told me it was because he was ‘overwhelmed’ by me being there…He also has been doing his ‘silent treatment’ on me before he even asked me out.

He asked me to the work event 6 months after we met. As I said before he did not indicate it was for a date as I knew the other people were also going. I even gave him money for my ticket as I was that oblivious! I mean you would give a friend money for your ticket so of course I would give one to a work colleague. It was this night that we indicated we were interested in each other (through the texts I told you about before) but he did nothing..no more dates, only a little bit of flirting and a couple more texts. I let him do the chasing!!

It was the 6 weeks between our ‘date’ and him going on his summer holiday for 1 month that he really started him irritable behavior and silent treatments.I had made it clear I liked him in my texts. Of course at work I was professional but he didn’t ask me out.

I did not ask him for the drink until 5 months later!! I also asked him in a casual sense..’oh I am in the area seeing a friend if you are around afterward?’ …then the rest of the story is the same.

Do you still think the same now that you know the drink was 5 months later and he had plenty of time to ask me out himself? Plus my asking out was casual, not a date.

He is generally a moody person and maybe slightly eccentric but we got on well and I gave him opportunity to ask me out properly. Seeing as he is behaving like he still likes me then why does he not ask me out? Could it be that he is somehow unsure of me?

Seems crazy that a person would behave like this and not bother to try and make something happen…

Anyway, thank you for your advice so far and if you think the same after the clearer details then I am dumbfounded that any person could be bothered to behave like this! 😕

[Member]

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