Have you ever heard that money causes marital conflict? But can a spendthrift and a frugal person still be a happy couple for life?

From the very first day they met, Taylor Murray and his wife realized that they had completely opposite views on money.

“I’m the kind of person who likes to spend a little freely, while my wife is very thrifty,” said Murray, 33, from California.

“She remembers the exact amount of money in her account without even looking at the checkbook, and is never swayed by the temptations of shopping.”

“She sometimes thinks I’m irresponsible, while I sometimes think my wife should enjoy life a little more.”

This sounds like it could lead to marital disaster; arguments over money are often a harbinger of divorce, according to Kansas State University, USA.

However, this wasn’t the case for Murray and his wife. He believed that both he and his wife benefited from having different perspectives.

“We had some great trips thanks to my spontaneity, and we’ll cherish those moments,” said Murray, a senior programmer at the software company CallTools.com.

“We also have a nice house, reasonable mortgage interest rates, and a savings fund equivalent to six months’ income. That’s all thanks to my wife’s excellent financial management.”

Although the Murrays found common ground, living with someone who has opposing views on money can be exhausting.

In one survey, only half the number of couples with opposing views on money who considered themselves “completely happy with their marriage” were compared to couples who were in agreement on financial management, according to research from the University of Michigan in the United States.

“Conflicts over money can destroy the strength of a relationship,” says April Masini, a marriage counselor at AprilMasini.com.

“These conflicts are often very difficult to resolve.”

However, according to experts, such people are often attracted to each other.

Although most single people say they prefer to marry someone with similar spending habits, those who enjoy spending and those who live frugally are often more attracted to each other in marriage, according to research from Northwestern University and the University of Pennsylvania in the United States.

It’s possible that people are often attracted to those with personalities different from their own, researchers say.

“That’s actually quite common,” said Professor Ewan Gillon, a psychologist at First Psychology Scotland.

“We know that one of the most contentious topics between couples is money, and it’s not uncommon for one person in the household to be a frugality, risk-averse individual, while the other is more inclined to spend first and think later.”

Fortunately, for couples who don’t share similar spending habits, there are many ways they can still live happily and maintain financial stability.

Let’s give each other some space.

Everyone needs freedom and control over their finances. To achieve this, have three accounts: one for yourself, one for your partner, and one for shared expenses.

All expenses and future savings plans will be paid from the joint account, while each person has their own account to spend or save as they wish.

“So, if the person who likes to spend wants to buy a $600 bottle of wine, while the other person wants to save money for travel, it doesn’t affect anyone,” said Julia Chung, who works for JYC Financial in Langley, British Columbia, Canada.

“This solution is very effective, helping both parties reduce anxiety and enabling each person to independently manage their finances.”

“Open your credit card statements for the last three months and use three different colored pens to distinguish between necessary expenses—those you really want—and frivolous ones,” says Jeff Motske, founder and CEO of Trilogy Financial in California.

This will help both spenders and savers see where their money is going.

Listen to expert advice.

A financial advisor can help couples clearly define their goals and establish a roadmap for the coming years.

“I think a financial plan is extremely important,” Chung said.

“Especially for people who like to spend money, because it will help them choose when not to spend it.”

“It helps them set clear goals and, from there, helps them understand the value of money and why they should spend it in certain ways.”

For the Murrays, setting up a budget specifically for ‘things that bring joy’ proved to be an effective solution.

“If we come across something we like and can afford it within this budget, we’ll buy it right away,” Murray said.

“When this budget runs out, we also stop buying things and start saving more.”

“This also made me think about my reckless spending habits.”

Weekly discussions

If you only bring up money whenever a problem arises, tension will quickly escalate.

“The more you talk about money, the more comfortable you’ll be discussing it. You’ll also resolve conflicts sooner,” says Monica Salazar, a financial relationship expert from Ecuador.

“Spending 30 minutes each week discussing money is a good way for two people to gain a proper understanding of their shared goals and to better understand each other’s perspectives on finances,” she said.

Set a general limit.

“Set a spending limit that you both agree to only spend with each other’s consent,” Masini said.

“In other words, whether it’s $300 or $3,000, agree that neither of you will spend more than that amount on anything without prior discussion and the other person’s consent.”

This proved effective for the Murray couple.

“We agreed to discuss all expenses exceeding $200,” he said.

“This amount allows me to spend freely within my ‘enjoyable’ budget. Family expenses, like buying a washing machine or refrigerator, are things we’ll discuss together.”

If the other person consistently overspends, you may need to implement other spending monitoring measures, such as switching to a prepaid credit card with a spending limit, or discussing money more frequently.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

Why does your significant other think about money in one way or another? Did they grow up in poverty, and therefore feel that saving is extremely important?

“Understanding the other person’s motivations, fears, and feelings will help you find a fair way to use money, within a range that works for both of you,” says Nikki Martinez, a psychologist from BetterHelp.com.

Ready to compromise

Living with someone who thinks differently from you requires compromise from both sides.

“If one of the two people is absolutely unwilling to accept the other’s wishes, that’s not a good sign,” Gillon said.

“However, compromise comes from both sides, so sometimes you need to ask yourself if you’re being just as stubborn as the other person.”