I finally accepted that we are just friends but he is acting differently

I became friends with a man about 18 months ago after knowing him for about 6 months before that. After a little confusion at the beginning of our friendship about whether or not he was ” interested” ( he then established that he wanted only friendship) we became very good friends. He is divorced (5 years), has two children 12 and 9, and is in his mid-thirties. I am single, have no children, and I am in my early 40’s. We live an hour away from each other. Our friendship progressed from fairly regular texts, weekly phone calls ( always from him, never from me) , and occasionally getting together ( maybe once a month) to daily texts, multiple daily calls (still all from him), and seeing each other every weekend and some week nights (with and without his kids) for several months now. We hang out at his place, go out to dinner, watch movies, cook together, shop together, do family stuff with his kids, do every-day chores and tasks that couples do, but we have not been intimate. He makes sexual innuendos (a lot) when we are alone together, usually looking at me for a reaction. I am very reserved by nature and he is a former bad-boy trying to be a good boy and has embraced the Christian lifestyle, including the no-sex before marriage mindset but he loves to get reactions from me by saying outrageous things.

I accepted the relationship status of friends. I have been completely my authentic self. I have been completely honest with him that I love his children, and that I love him as one of my closest friends. He said that was unnerving because he has other friends that never said they loved him before. I told him that since I lost my mother 2 years ago, I do not hesitate to tell people that I care about them, and that he, his children and my childhood best friend are the people I love.

Then things changed.

The night before Thanksgiving we were at his place, just being together, setting up his new tv, having a couple of drinks, and he asked me to spend the night. Not to do anything, just to be together. So I did, but I left before he woke up because I had a commitment to get to. When I saw him next, the following day, he asked me if I slept well, if he snored and kept me up, if I found the toothpaste ok…..all in the kind of tone you’d use if someone had really spent the night.

I went to a trade show out of town the next weekend and decided to leave a day early & spend the night in a hotel with my girlfriends so we’d be able to go to the event Friday night and Saturday. I decided on a whim but didn’t tell him before I left, figuring I’d just tell him when he called later in the evening. I put my phone in my jeans pocket and went to the show ( it was an equestrian show). One of the clinics we attended first asked us to silence our phones. I forgot to turn it up afterwards. Approximately 3 hours went by while I was walking around the various booths. When I got to the hotel, I took the phone out and saw that he had called 3 times and texted twice. Before I could respond, he called again and when I answered it, he was beside himself. Why hadn’t I called back? Where was I? I could have been dead and he had no idea where I was. Then he said something that shocked me. He said he thought I might have been out with a man I work with. I assured him I was not, and I explained about the phone being silent and where I was. He responded that I had never left him hanging before. That I always shot him a text if I couldn’t take his call. He said he was worried sick for 3 hours and asked me to promise him that I would never ever not respond to him like that again. He proceeded to call me 3 times on Saturday checking in with me. This was a significant change because he is very respectful of time with his kids and it was a kid weekend.

I was the first person he ever shared his home and children with on Christmas since his divorce 5 years ago.
I then spent New Year’s Eve with him and his daughter and ended up spending the night so that she and I could go somewhere together in the morning. We then spent the afternoon back with her dad on New Years Day. I went home, spent the night at my house and met up with them again for Sat and most of Sun.

His ex-wife is in communication with me because I often do things with the kids & pick them up at her house. Shortly before Christmas Out of the blue she texted me about Christmas shopping for the kids and their dad. She wanted to give me suggestions & when I told her I had already gotten her ex his present, she asked me if I thought he and I would be permanent. I told her I had no intention of going anywhere. But that I understood if someone else entered the picture, they may not understand how close her ex and I are as friends and that I was happy that she and I had established communication so that I could remain in the kids lives if a new or permanent love interest of his did not like our friendship.

Apparently, the ex decided to share this conversation with HIM and after 3 normal-type calls from him that Sunday, his 4th call was pretty intense, saying that he had just gotten off the phone with his ex and he wanted me to know that I am secure, that no woman would push me out of his life and that he would get rid of anyone right from the start if they could not accept me, and that he would drive the 60 miles to my house right then to look me in the eyes and tell me again so that I would know he is serious.

I know this has been very long, but I am very confused. I thought we were friends. I accepted the friendship thing. Now I don’t know what to think. And I honestly don’t know if he even realizes the shift he has subtly made, but I will not broach the subject with him unless I have someone who knows more than I do about men tell me that I am not imagining things. That I am not reading things into nothing. Unless I am….

Thank you