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April 13, 2010 at 8:25 pm #2192
relationshipa1
KeymasterBeen married for 3 years. We have a 19 month old. I work part-time and at school doing my PhD. Husband is a professional who works full time. He works, comes home and plays with our child, puts her to bed and that’s it. I make his lunch, do the laundry, cook, clean up,pay bills, run errans etc. I always make sure he has food, clothes etc ready for his day. HE doesn’t seem to do anything for me. Thought marriage was supposed to be equal. He never is interested in me sexually, despite having my figure back. I went 4 months without showing him interest to see if he would initiate and he never did. I ask him kindly to do things and he “forgets” or claims he’s “tired”. I’m exhausted but try not to complain about it since I know things have to be done. We argue and he changes for a day helping out by putting a load in the washer but the day after, things are back to the way they were. Contemplating leaving him. I have told him so and asked that he looks into marriage councelling.He never did. I feel he is not putting any effort into our marriage and I have given up. I don’t know what else to do but leave him. I feel like I am being taken for granted. April 14, 2010 at 1:22 am #10789Anonymous
ParticipantWhile i was reading i was watching myself 3 years ago! just with the particular thing that he didn’t even help me out with our kid even he loves him so much. My ex husband “excuse” was that he was working too hard to give us support as i said it was an excuse because since i started working all was the same day a day thing, i tried to do my best after work taking care of my child, cooking, having everything ready to just let him feel comfortable when he arrives home but seemed that nothing satisfied him since he said that he loves me so much but not a piece of affective received, it was really bothering me and i can say that i’m pretty sure what you are feeling right now. Even i’d been passing thru almost the same history I’m sorry to tell you that i can’t help you maybe if i have had found this site 3 years ago i wouldn’t have end in a divorce but well things happens and to tell you the true i’m pretty relief right now, i know what i’m worth and what i want for my child so i am pretty confidence right now, being a single mom is a difficult chore but it worth it since my son is the happiest child on earth and i feeling good with myself as well..Good Luck! Hope April can give you some advice in matter to save your marriage =D P.S.- I made her a question too hope she can answer me asap
😉 April 14, 2010 at 11:48 am #10650April Masini
KeymasterGiven all that you and your husband have on your plate, it’s no wonder you’re having trouble. Your almost two year old is an energy drainer and you have school and work, and your husband’s full time gig and his trying to put in time with your child. You both have a lot on your plates, and your marriage has taken a back seat. I love reading
[i]Flowing’s[/i] advice and there’s validity in it — but I think there’s another choice and that choice is to make your marriage a priority. Not all children of divorce are as happy as[i]Flowing’s[/i] child is described as being. In fact most of them wish their parents were married. So since you’ve given birth to a child, please consider putting your marriage, and then your family ahead of yourself here. The result may be that you, yourself reap the benefits, as do your husband and child.If you’re willing to do this, that means putting your PhD on hold for now and dropping out of school, and letting the part time job you have, go for now. This will keep you from being spread so thin. In fact, I bet you’re way more stressed than you think you are. If you can just take care of your family you may have more energy for your husband. I think it’s fabulous that you have your figure back, but when you say that marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership, and I believe that that’s what you’re looking for, I think you’ve been misled.
Marriages work in different ways and spouses contribute in different ways that don’t always look equal to the outside world. For some men, having a woman at home who looks amazing, smells amazing, feels amazing and is there to make him feel good about himself is worth way more than your PhD and your part time income. I know that may seem a little retro, but it’s the truth — and you can count on me for that!
😆 Your husband may feel your exhaustion and the communal exhaustion of the marriage. My suggestion is not to leave him, but to change your own life (forget marriage counseling — you can do this by changing your own behavior). I bet he’ll react positively to the change.
In addition, get babysitters so you and your husband can take a night away or a weekend away on some kind of regular basis. Enlist family to help out for free if your budget is a concern. Swap babysitting time with a neighbor you trust so you take her kid for a weekend and she takes yours for a weekend. Or a night.
Amp up your inner sex bomb, and be so seductive, he’ll have no choice but to notice you and to want you in a way he hasn’t lately.
Let me know if this helps — good luck!
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