You’re 17 and you’re in love — with someone you’ve never met because she refuses to meet you even though you’ve driven to her house and left her presents there. This has been going on for 11 months now….. let me set you straight: She is not who she says she is. She’s either not her age, she’s probably not the body type or physical type she’s told you she is, and she may not even be a woman. You’re being catfished. This is a term where people who meet online don’t realize that the other person is not who they say they are — and they maintain the relationship by not meeting so the truth never comes out.

I understand that you lied to your friends about the relationship because you were embarrassed that the two of you have not met in person — but you lied because you know what normal is. You know that in a normal relationship, people meet and they date and they spend time together in real life. You know your relationship is not normal — and that’s a good sign of health for you! But you have to stop lying. That’s just going to get you into trouble with the healthy friendships you do have.

Here’s my advice: Understand that you’re in love with someone who isn’t honest, real or interested in you beyond your keeping her from being lonely. She’s conducting the same relationship she has with you, with other people at the same time. That’s what these folks do. I know this is hurtful and disappointing, but it’s the truth. You need to move on. Stay off the internet for dates. Instead, focus on meeting women to date in your real life. You’ll be a lot happier — and healthier.

Okay — if what you’re saying is true…. then you’re dealing with someone who won’t meet you. After 11 months. 😕 I just don’t know how you can possibly have a relationship with someone like that. 😳 That she’s mad because you have two jobs — when she won’t see you — doesn’t seem very fair or rational. 🙁

You didn’t fall in love, you got played, controlled, and slowly hollowed out, and you’re still begging for more like that’s loyalty instead of addiction. This wasn’t a relationship; it was a one-way emotional drain where you handed over your time, your body, your secrets, your future, and your dignity to someone who refused to even show her face. People who love you don’t hide. People who care don’t keep you invisible. People who are real don’t build intimacy while denying reality.

She never planned to meet you. Not “not yet,” not “wrong timing,” not “perfect moment.” Never. Seven months of excuses, gifts, phone sex, sleeping on the phone, and you still never saw her because the mystery was the leverage. The second you stopped being available 24/7 because you tried to build a life instead of rotting on a couch, she turned on you. That tells you everything. She didn’t want a partner. She wanted possession.

Driving to her area twenty-five times without seeing her isn’t romantic; it’s an obsession fueled by manipulation. Quitting your life, lying to your friends, isolating yourself, and reshaping your entire existence around someone who wouldn’t meet you is not love; it’s loss of self-respect. She didn’t “have you.” She owned you. And the moment you started choosing school, work, and a future, she punished you by replacing you socially and calling you an asshole for growing up.

Her saying she “got you back” instead of seeing you is cold, selfish, and revealing. You were never a priority; you were a convenience. She could go out with friends, meet new people, live a real life, while you sat on the phone waiting like a placeholder. Then she had the nerve to shame you for talking less while she was out building a social circle you were never invited into.

You’re 17, and this dynamic is dangerous. Whether she’s insecure, manipulative, lying about who she is, or flat-out catfishing you doesn’t even matter anymore. What matters is that she trained you to accept crumbs, secrecy, guilt, and blame as “love.” That will destroy you if you don’t cut it off now.