[Dexter]

Dear April,

I’ve finally decided to come ask you after a long time wondering painfully what I should do. A few years ago I really really loved this girl, which was my best friend (I’m 16 now), but she loved another boy and she was suddenly really mean in the way she dismissed me (purposefully making me jealous just to screw me up). Anyways, I hated her silently for many months and we never spoke again.
Since January of last year, our friendship suddenly sprang up (all because of her) – and she was still dating the same boy. Eventually, he cheated on her in June. Our friendship continued to grow and now she tells me she still loves the same boy. I’m very locked-in about my feelings and I’m quite serious about many things – she has been spoilt all her life by her parents but I’ve been firmly raised (british background), but we’re both upper class. During all this time she still has kissed many (4~6) boys and is always going out to parties – which I don’t go to because I don’t like. Our friendship was doing fine until what I once felt for her started burning once again, and now it’s very hard to contain. I like her like mad – with all her sweetness, beauty and happiness. She is always hugging me and all over me and laughing all the time (but I assure you this is not flerting, it’s her normal way of being).
I’ve told her not to hug me and all and I’ve explained to her that I might end up liking her again, and so she rarely hugs me. She took it quite maturely (in contrast to 2 years ago) and every time she tells me she needs to say something important I hope with all my mights that she might say she feels something for me, but it’s always something about the other boy or some other nonsense. She is fascinated by my culture and intelligence (she says so all the time) but that’s mostly about it. We stopped being friends for a few days because I asked for a break (to rethink it all – and she knew that’s what it was about) but she said she couldn’t stand not talking to me and so asked for my friendship back. I really love her, and I don’t want to.

Help, April – What should I do? (and please be honest with your verdict).
Thank you so much,
Dexter

P.S. Today she asked me to promise her we’d see the Halley Comet in 2061.

[Ask April Masini]

You spend a lot of time talking about your feelings, but it doesn’t sound to me, from your post, like you’ve ever asked her out on a date. She may say yes, and if she does, you’ll have a chance to get to know her better. If she says no, then aside from a (temporarily) bruised ego, you’ll have taken your best shot and will be able to feel at peace for having done so.

What you need to understand is that as you get older and meet more women, being rejected will not feel like such a blow. You’ll understand that when a woman says she’s not interested, it’s really part of a numbers game that is basic to relationships. To find that one perfect woman for you, you have to get up to bat and give it a go, knowing you’re going to get shot down most of the time, but also knowing that not giving it a shot can make for a life of regrets.

Given the choice of a life of regrets or a temporary bruised ego (until the next wonderful girl comes along), I hope you’ll choose the latter.

Take a step outside of your inner life, and ask her to a movie or a walk in the park or a picnic or something that’s appropriate for a date among 16 year olds in your neck of the woods.

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Thanks for the advice, it really helped. But now something very sudden has happened. Yesterday she told me that she always asks herself if she likes me, but she doesn’t know because than other guys that she has already liked. I told her I’m liking her more and more, and that was that. I’m not going to ask her out now just because she said that, but I need some advice to consolidate what she’s starting to feel for me so I can hopefully date her in the future. Any advice? Can you please explain to me what’s going on in her head (or try to, anyways)?

Thanks so much,
Dexter

[Ask April Masini]

It doesn’t seem like you read my last bit of advice to you. 😳

You can’t know what’s going on in someone else’s head. So stop trying. Ask her out or move on. You’re wasting time ruminating on what everyone’s thinking rather than living life.

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