[Anonymous]

HI, I am in need of some advice. Me and my ex boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years and we have a one year old son. He is a great father. We stayed together until he moved 10 hours away for a job. He wanted me to leave with him when he left but it was too short of a notice and I stated I would be out there five months later but someone I got scared and had doubts and said I would come out there 6 more months later but financial problems didnt allow me to come out there so I said I would definitely be there in 6 more months.

I hadnt seen in since last November and he came to visit during this 4th of July. I was so happy to see him and we spent time together like all was fine. I mean we had sex which was great, we went out to eat and spent time as a family, but then once he got back to his house out of town he sends me a message saying that he was done with me because of my family situation. I knew that there had to be something else to it. And since his phone was disconnected at the time I was unable to call him and see what was goin on. All I had were IMs. So once I realized he was serious I became bitter and angry.

I did some things that I would never do. What was killing me was the fact that he was there just last week and then all of a sudden broke it off. I decided to go inside his email and I found out that he has a girlfriend back at home for over 4 months which he tells this girl he loves her but he called me every night and told me he loved me every night and then I found out that some girl flew out there for Valentine’s day. This was a girl that he had a relationship with for 6 or so years off and on. I was so hurt.

He would never admit to anything even though I saw it red handed. Then when I bring it up he says nothing. I mean he is like we will never be. I mean I didnt even know anything was wrong and I feel that we are both adults so why cant he just tell me how he feels possibly want to work it out. I mean we have a child together and we were a team and he is a great father but he doesn’t want anything to do with me especially sinec I read his emails and sent the girls emails as well. Then I started calling all the time and texting him tellin him i love him and trying to beg to get him back

So then I decided that maybe I should just leave him a lone and maybe he will find the error of his ways and come back to his family. i won’t ever stop loving him and I want him and me to be a family. We used to talk about our wedding and everything. I just want to know what advice can you give me. I mean is it the right thing for me to give him some space and stop hassling him and pray that he would come back. He was the sweetest person I know and now he has just changed. He won’t even aplologize to me or he doesnt even act like he has played me. I mean I honestly still love him.

I sometimes think it is my fault since I didnt come out there in time. Please give me some advice. How can I win him back possibly.

[Ask April Masini]

It doesn’t sound like he’s done you dirty as much as it sounds like you dropped the ball when you didn’t move with your boyfriend at his request because he got a good job in a different town. By not moving with him, then telling him you’d be there in 5 months, and then you didn’t come for another six months 😮 your abandoning him sent him the message that you weren’t that interested in him — and so he started dating other women. I don’t think he did anything wrong. You weren’t married. You didn’t accept his offer to move with him. He was free to move on.

You made a big mistake by invading his e-mail and then stalking his girlfriends. It was entirely wrong for you to send THEM e-mails — your problem isn’t with the other women. It’s with you and him. Confronting the other women is never the answer. Now he’s worried about you interfering in his social life, and understandably wants boundaries with you that he hasn’t had before.

My suggestion is that you stop contacting other people in his life, and focus on raising your son together with him. If he is willing to see your son regularly, it would be a great idea for you to move near him so your child can have the benefit of two parents, on a steady schedule, even if you’re all not living under the same roof. If he has a good job, as you said, he can pay child support, and you can try and re-build your relationship with him if he’s willing to forgive you. If he’s not, then you should learn from this experience, and use what you have learned to build your next relationship.

I hope that helps. I know this is tough for you, but you can do this. It just requires some behavioral changes that I know you can make. Let me know how things go.

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