[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We have had our ups and downs like most relationships (but the downs were really hard bc he cheated on me at least 6 different times to my knowledge and somehow, we worked through it but it still haunts me). We are both in our early twenties and still live at home because we couldn’t find great jobs right out of college. Anyway, he works 60+ hrs a week and when we hang out (which is now once or maybe twice a week) he is always tired, miserable and never wants to do anything or go anywhere. He used to come over to visit me when he got outta work most nights or I would go over there, but now we just call each other to say hello and goodnight (which just seems to me that we do it out of comfort and routine).

Recently, he started golfing with a friend because it’s that time of year but it’s on the only day we have off together and I have told him that it seems like he doesn’t want to spend any of his free time with me anymore. He argued that he never has time to do anything HE wants to do and that I just don’t want him to have friends so I just deal with it and end up seeing him for whatever time he has left for me after golfing. Since the start of our relationship, I have always sat around waiting to see him when he got outta work even though my friends/colleagues have asked me to go out on weekends. Now, I am beginning to feel as if I have missed out on much of my life because I would tell my friends I couldn’t go out because I had to wait to see my boyfriend when he got outta work. So I finally became close with a girlfriend and started going out once a weekend because my b/f told me to because he wanted to “go to the gym and had to get up early for work anyway” (on a Friday night, mind you). Who the hell works out on a Friday night?!? I have really started to enjoy going out with my friends just like I used to before I met him and that scares me because I have always lived in fear that he would break up with me or accuse me of doing something wrong if I went out for a night without him. The really scary part is that I think I have started to develop feelings for one of my friends that goes out also and he is a true gentleman with values and aspirations that I admire. May I also add that this gentleman will leave wherever he is at when he hears I am out just because he wants to spend time with me (Strange how he wants to see me but my b/f is too busy, huh?).

Overall, I’m just confused, bitter and a bit heartbroken because it seems that my b/f doesn’t want to spend time with me when he has free time and I have invested so much time and energy into making him the man I thought he could be (which I finally thought he had become a year ago). Should I just enjoy seeing him when I can and hope to get out of this rut? I really enjoy going out on the weekends now (especially to see the “interested” gentleman) but I’m also concerned that this gentleman may be clouding my perspective on my relationship with my b/f also and maybe I am just overreacting. What the hell should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You wrote that you’re bitter and that you’ve invested so much energy trying to turn him into the man you thought he could be. 😯 After six years of dating he’s still living at his parents’ house, works 60 hours a week and doesn’t have time for you, and has cheated on you once a year — that you know of. 🙁

Your feelings of hurt and bitterness are guides. They’re trying to tell you that you’re in a bad relationship. A good relationship shouldn’t leave you feeling hurt and bitter. The fact that you’re starting to go out with friends because he’s too busy on a Friday night to see you, and you’ve developed feelings for another man who seems to be crushing on you, is the beacon you should follow.

Your boyfriend is probably cheating on you more than you’re willing to admit, and he’s certainly not acting like he’s ready to be in a serious relationship with you after six years — and he doesn’t even seem to value you very much. My advice is to let go of the relationship and watch the bitter feelings be replaced by relief.

You should also read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] so you have a better idea of how to find Mr. Right and not waste any more time on the wrong guy! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

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