[kittycat05]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. We’ve had a lot of issues in the past and just recently things went back to being very unstable with us, however we decided to work through it as we do love each other and have quite a history together. (a baby, he was adopted though, we used to live together, have been friends for over 10 years etc.)

I hadn’t seen him much in the last month and a half due to his aunt being very ill, as he would spend all his time with her (he was very close with her). The two times we did see each other, things were good, we were both happy and things were looking up. The morning his aunt died he called to tell me, we talked for a bit and then I offered to stay home from work to be with him. He declined, saying that he loved me but he just wanted to be alone for a little bit.

That was 2 weeks ago, he still hasn’t contacted me nor has he hasn’t answered phone calls or texts. I am not on good terms with his parents so I have no way to just go and see him (he lives with his parents). I am not too sure what to do here now? Do I just assume that because things were rocky before that this is the end or what? 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both? Why is he living with his parents?

[kittycat05]

I am 20, he is 24. He lives with his parents because roughly a year ago he was in a car accident and sustained serious back and injuries that put him out of work, so he was no longer able to support himself. He has recently gone back to college and is staying with his parents until he finishes, again, for financial reasons.

[kittycat05]

[quote=”April Masini”]How old are you both? Why is he living with his parents?[/quote]

I am 20 he is 24. He lives with his parents due to a car accident he was in, roughly a year ago. He sustained serious neck and back injuries and was no longer able to work. He has recently gone back to college and is staying with his parents until he finishes, again, for financial reasons.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Did you adopt the child together? Or did you adopt the child by yourself, as a single mother?

If you have a child together, then it would seem that in spite of the accident, he’d want to live with you and his child, not his parents. But if you adopted the child as a single mother, then it’s just you he’s abandoning — not his child. If you fill me in here, I can advise you further.

Otherwise, I can tell you that if you haven’t heard from your boyfriend in two weeks, you should first off, find out if he’s okay. If he is okay, and he’s ignoring you, and won’t tell you why, then you’re going to have to consider the history of the relationship, what you want for yourself in terms of a relationship, and decide if he’s able to give that to you. A lot of times when you have a ten year or more history with someone, like you do with him, he can fly under the radar that you’d use to weed out guys who are incompatible. He may be someone who just isn’t your Mr. Right, and you’ve been fighting that reality. If so, it’s time to wake up, smell the coffee and move on if that’s the case. 😕 I’m not sure why you’ve been on and off with him for three years, but the clue to what you should do is probably in that history.

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[kittycat05]

Sorry for the mix up! I re-read my post and see how it could be confusing. I did not mean that we had adopted a child, I meant that I had gotten pregnant, by him, we had a child together whom we then had privately adopted (because we felt as though we were not ready to raise a child).

I am assuming he is okay because his phone has gone on and off several times in the last 2 weeks, which leads me to believe he has been speaking to other people. He doesn’t spend a lot of time with many people, so there is really only 1 or 2 people (friends) I could ask, if they have heard from him or not, but I wasn’t sure whether that would be appropriate or not.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you for clarifying.

Then, my advice is that you gear up to move on. It sounds like you took a step backwards because you used to live together, and now you don’t. That’s a step towards separation. And now that he’s completely cut off contact from you for over two weeks, and isn’t returning your calls or texts, my advice is to take this as a flashing red light and to start to move on. If a man cares about you, he’s going return your calls. This guy isn’t. 😳

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[kittycat05]

Alright. Thanks very much for the advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

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