[Anonymous]

Hello,

I am a 29 year old divorced mother of 2 little girls. I have a boyfriend of a year and a half that is 27 never married. We talk about getting married and raising a family and we get along very well. He has a full time job and farms with his father. This requires him to spend most early mornings and afternoons and weekend days at his parents farm working as well. We don’t live together as we don’t feel that it is right since we aren’t married and we want to set a good example for my girls. He spends as much time as he can with me, either he comes to my house in the evenings or I go help him work and we go spend the evening at his house. It has upset me in the past that he has trouble finding time to do things with me, but I grew up the daughter of a farmer and I know the commitment it takes. However, this weekend he managed to set aside 2 nights and 3 days to spend with old hight school friends on a float trip. All guys, most married, and he has only seen one of them a total of 3 times in that past 2 years. It just really bothers me that we have never spent a day together without him working, and we have never gone away anywhere, because he is too busy, yet he had time for this. I just don’t know what I should say to him? I told him I was upset, he is mad at me for being mad at him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not mad at you for being mad at him. He’s mad at himself because he can’t give you what you want and he disappointed you. He’s only acting like he’s mad at you, but that’s not what’s really going on.

Men want to feel like they’re taking care of their women so when you complain or make him feel like he’s not doing a good job of taking care of you, he’s not going to feel good about the relationship. So, rather than tell him you’re upset that he went off with his friends, give him reason to spend more time with you. 😉 That may get you the time with him you desire.

Also, it doesn’t sound from what you’ve written like he’s neglecting you for his friends other than this one weekend. In other words, it doesn’t sound like you’re facing a negative trend where he chooses his buddies over you over and over again. It sounds like he has a profession and a lifestyle that is very consuming of his time. Make sure that this is really what you want — lots of men in different careers whether it’s farming or the military or working international business commit long hours to their work. It’s where they get self esteem and self worth and it’s lucky he likes what he’s doing and he’s good at it. If you need more time with your boyfriend — whomever he may end up being — consider a man with a less demanding profession. But if this is your guy, go into the long term part of this relationship with your eyes open.

I hope that helps.

You can get more feedback by joining my new Facebook group, AskApril.com at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts