It sounds like you dated a guy for 2 years during which time you got engaged, but never married. I can’t tell from your post how long it’s been since the 2 years you were together….. At some point, you had a child, who is now 2 years old. Since then, he’s shown you a lot of cheating behavior, and you’re hurt. Because you have a child together, he will always be in your life, but the question is how much and in what ways. 😉
Cheating doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but when someone is a chronic cheater, you can’t expect them to change their behavior. In fact, you should expect more of the same. Because he’s cheated so many times, and has lied to you about it, it doesn’t really sound like he’s got a handle on his behavior. My advice is that you thank him for his wanting to be part of the family that the three of you are, and suggest that you start out by co-parenting your child from different homes. Just because he wants be part of the family doesn’t mean he should move back in and take up with you again — in fact, that’s a bad idea that’s already proved not to work. You have to try something different now. 😉 I’m not sure if you’re living together, but I don’t think you should be. Set up a custody schedule so he can see your daughter, and you can get a break for yourself when she’s with him. See how that goes for six months. It will be a good way for you to both get your heads clear, focus on family in this way, and decide if he really wants family enough to sacrifice and commit. Don’t expect miracles, and understand that there are lots of ways to have a family — when you’re with someone who’s got a cheating problem, you can’t have a normal marriage and family life, but you can have relationships that work for your child, and ultimately, for both of you. It’s just not going to be what you had hoped — at least not right away, and maybe ever.
Be focused on your goals (your child first), and open minded to creative solutions that may or may not involve a traditional family relationship with your ex. 😉 And don’t be reactive. It’s fine for him to want what he wants, but that doesn’t mean that’s how it’s going to be. This is an opportunity for you to recreate your life — and lead in that role.
I hope that helps.
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