[zuzi1cka]

Dear April,
I turn to you because I think I have few issues on hand and I need healthy opinion and advice.
I have been with my bf for about 2 years. we know each other since I came from maternity leave as a single mom 5 years ago. We worked together and even though he was against mixing personal and work, we made it through. After 5 years I moved to another location so now we can have “normal” relationship where work is separated. We have trust issues but both willing to work through it. We both believe there was no cheating but have hard time trusting each other.We both were cheated on in the past. Plus, he wasn’t commited from beginning because he said one of those” im not good at relationships, but i want to see where it takes us” which made me stay (plus i was tied at home with my baby so I took it as my only option) I did break up with him few times but we always kind of worked it out and made progress after each break up. (which lasted few days – to weeks) I said we might need our drama to sort things out, thats our way of moving on. crazy? maybe. He is making lot of effort now to show commitment. there is still certain level of selfishness where i feel he doesn’t put me first, his bachelor habits, where he didnt have to tell anyone what he does and where he goes come out here and there.
Can you help me sort this out? I am simple kind of girl when it comes to relationships yet I put up with his not always fair deals. He talks about future, buying house, having baby, yet we have to wait a year for him to get ready to move in with me cause he never lived with a gf. We don’t really have any major disagreements. Only when doubts and insecurity is in place. How to get more secure and trusting?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is not complicated. You have a guy who’s not that into you and you’re trying to pretend he is. You may feel it’s complicated because you’re not willing to look at the situation frankly, but from the outside, it’s pretty simple.

When a guy says he’s not good at relationships, but wants to see where this goes — count on being taken advantage of. What he’s telling you is he isn’t into a commitment, but let’s play like we’re dating as long as it feels good for me. 😳 As a single mother you have a responsibility and you should be looking for Mr. RIght — not Mr. Right now. 🙁 When you tell me that after two years he’s still putting his bachelor habits ahead of his commitment to you, it’s pretty clear that he’s not ready to be settled.

You should really read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to find Mr. RIght. You’d learn a lot given what you’ve posted here! Among some of the things you’ll learn is the fact that when a guy wants to settle down with you he’ll stop acting like a bachelor and start acting like part of a couple. After two years, this guy is never going to settle down with you.

Move on. Don’t waste your time. I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear, but it will save you a lot of energy and heartache.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[zuzi1cka]

I hear what you’re saying. And you’re right. Things have changed though. When we are together it feels right. He says it, I feel it. His friends say it because he has done things with me he wouldn’t for just any gf. He says he wants to introduce me to his folks, take me to his hometown…good signs, right? He is very good with my child and he does things to show he loves me.
So, since I didn’t finish it during times when it wasn’t fair to me, should I still leave, after all this hard work? We are both 30 something years old. I do fear that I am wasting my time due to him not being typical courting, ready to settle kind of guy. He has plenty female friends that just loooooove him. Many guys respect him. He is the one telling me about our “hypothetical” wedding and more kids…that’s when he is little tipsy and opens up without having his protection wall up. It’s music to my ears but then he goes and plans things with his friends without asking me if I want to do something. It is true, he doesn’t party as much as before. So April, what do you think?

[zuzi1cka]

Btw, thank you for your response. I appreciate it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should do what I wrote you in my last post and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] so you have a better understanding of what it is you’re doing, and how to stop. You’re a 30 year old single mother and after two years of dating this guy he still hasn’t introduced you to his parents — you need to read this book! You can also buy it on the websites for Barnes & Noble or Amazon, but this link downloads it automatically so you can start reading tonight.

Good luck!

And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

[Member]

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