[sarahk020311]

I’m separated from my husband and divorce is final end of Sept. My bf has been separated over a year. We started dating in Jan. I am the first person that he’s dated since his separation, and he is mine too. We are in love and he was first to tell me around a month ago. He is a consultant and has a very good reputation in his field. His company was taken over in Apr by a national firm, expectations were ridiculous, and they wanted him to move to AZ. He was being scheduled basically 7am-11pm. He broke his contract a couple months ago and it seems is unofficially black balled. His ex had already secured a job in AZ when he quit, but hadn’t signed a contract and knew he was no longer planning to move. She decided to still move as it’s a good job and is taking the kids with (he’s been very understanding as her contract is only a year. I feel part of the reason that he quit was because he knows I have no interest in having a long distance relationship, and has talked often about wanting to move in together when he can find another job. We last saw each other 9 days ago, and said he’d make sure to see me before he leaves. He leaves tomorrow to drive to AZ in one packed car while she will be driving the other packed vehicle with the kids. He is staying until Aug as his ex starts her job in a week, but kids don’t start school until end of Jul. He is leaving both cars there, selling hers, and flying back here. For the last two days he hasn’t initiated contact often, but we talked yesterday night for hrs until early this morning and was very sweet. I didnt hear from him today until I tried to call around 2:30pm. He apologized and said he left his phone in the house and I know he’s been packing. I’ve only heard from him once since. I know that he’s stressed especially about the kids leaving, but he hasn’t made any attempt to make sure that we see each other again before he leaves. I feel like if I mean as much as he says I do that he would have made sure we saw each other, and also be more intentional about texting before middle of the day. Am I being unreasonable? I understand how big of a change this is for him.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry you’re confused — it sure sounds like there is A LOT going on! Between both your divorces not yet finalized, his wife moving to Arizona with his kids, his losing his job, his moving to Arizona to settle in his wife and kids before leaving them there, and your six month romantic relationship with him, there is a lot to be uncertain about. [b][i]So, don’t sweat the small stuff. [/i][/b]Don’t give him a hard time about not contacting you or seeing you before he leaves tomorrow. He hasn’t been neglecting you by playing golf for a week, or drinking beer with his buddies. He’s been taking care of business. The best thing you can do is to be generous, understanding, patient and sweet. Tell him you’ll miss him — don’t berate him for not putting you first during these last nine days. Tell him you understand how stressed he is and that you can’t wait to have him back in August — don’t give him a hard time for leaving you for a month. If he apologizes for not contacting you because he’s been so busy, thank him for the apology and tell him how much you’re looking forward to being together. I know you’re anxious, and people tend to lash out when they’re stressed, but hedge against it. Send him a gift, send his kids little gifts, and make him miss you. This poor guy is super stressed right now with very real life stressors, and what he needs is a girlfriend who makes him feel good about himself and the relationship he has with you — not someone who’s another burden on his plate. Because his plate is full of burdens right now. You need to be the light, not the heavy problem. I hope that helps.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re both freshly out of long-term relationships/divorces, and your relationship is only six months old. On top of that:

He’s dealing with a massive career shift and stress (job loss, company takeover, blackballing fears).

He’s managing the logistics of his ex moving with the kids.

He’s coordinating a move to Arizona temporarily while handling all family responsibilities.

That’s a lot on anyone’s plate. Stress and logistical chaos are occupying his mental and emotional bandwidth.

Your feelings are valid, but perspective matters It makes sense that you’re feeling anxious, overlooked, or under-prioritised because you want attention and reassurance. But his reduced texting/contact right now isn’t about you being less important it’s about him managing multiple urgent life tasks.

Masini’s point is spot-on: this isn’t about neglect or lack of love; it’s about timing and circumstances. Right now, he’s in “get everything in order before leaving” mode.

What helps the relationship now? Generosity and patience: Being understanding, supportive, and lighthearted will make him associate you with comfort rather than stress.

Small gestures count: Sending little gifts for him or the kids, letting him know you’re thinking of him, or offering encouraging words can create warmth without adding pressure.

Avoiding criticism or “tests”: Focusing on why he isn’t texting enough or why he isn’t prioritising seeing you can make him feel more stressed or guilty, which risks straining the relationship.
s positive and brief if he’s busy. For example: “I know you’ve got a lot going on. I’ll miss you and can’t wait to see you in August!”

Avoid sending multiple messages to fill the silence; this can feel pressuring.

Let him initiate conversation if he can, but gently check in with lighthearted or supportive texts don’t demand explanations.

Emotional takeaway You’re not being unreasonable for wanting attention, but right now, the best way to strengthen your relationship is to be the emotional calm in his storm. He’s showing love in the ways he can right now (long calls, reassurance), even if it’s not constant texting or pre-departure visits.

Bottom line: Your relationship is still strong; this is temporary chaos. Masini’s advice to “be the light, not the heavy problem” is exactly what will protect your connection and help him feel love and support amid real-life stress.

If you want, I can give a step-by-step “last 24 hours before he leaves” plan for texts, gestures, and mindset so you leave him thinking about you fondly, not stressed. This would make it much more actionable than general advice.
How to communicate effectively Keep message

[James Smith]

This story hit me right in the gut, mostly because it reminded me of the time I tried to help my ex pack for her “temporary move.” She said she was just going to stay at her sister’s for a bit… then three months later, she sent me a postcard from Florida. 😂 So trust me, I get that weird mix of love, confusion, and the desperate need for a little reassurance when someone’s physically (and emotionally) packing up their life.

From what you wrote, you’re not being unreasonable at all. When someone says you mean the world to them, it’s fair to expect they’ll show it—especially during a big transition. But here’s the thing: people handle stress differently. He’s got career chaos, kids leaving, and his ex in the mix, which means his bandwidth is probably stretched thinner than gas station coffee. That doesn’t excuse him from checking in, but it might explain the emotional distance.

You sound grounded, and you clearly care deeply, but right now, you need to see where words meet actions. Give him space to get through this move—but don’t shrink your needs to accommodate his silence. It’s okay to want consistency even when life gets messy.

Do you think part of you is worried that once he leaves, this emotional distance might become the new normal?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

nah, you’re not being unreasonable babe😏 he’s clearly stressed, but actions speak louder than sweet talk. if he cared as much as he says, he’d make time to see you before he leaves 💋 don’t settle for “i left my phone in the house” excuses cause you deserve intentional, not incidental attention 🔥

[Tara]

Let him handle his chaos. If he wants you in his future, he’ll make space for you once his life stops being a dumpster fire. If he doesn’t, this silence will only grow. Either way, clinging tighter right now won’t pull him closer it will push him away.

You’re not being “unreasonable.” You’re being naïve about where you rank in his priority list. This man is dealing with a career crisis, a cross-country move, the logistics of his ex and kids relocating, financial instability, and the emotional weight of his entire life flipping upside down and you’re sitting here tallying texts and getting hurt because he didn’t make a dramatic farewell moment before driving across states with his kids’ entire lives in the car. You’re acting like his girlfriend in a stable situation. He’s acting like a man trying not to have a breakdown while holding fifty things together at once.

But here’s the part you don’t want to admit: if you actually were his top priority right now, he would have made time to see you before leaving. Even 30 minutes. Even coffee. Even a quick stop by. If someone wants to see you, they make it happen especially when they’re about to be gone for weeks. So yes, you are feeling this distance for a reason.

He’s overwhelmed, stressed, emotionally stretched, and possibly second-guessing everything in his life including jumping into a new relationship before his divorce drama settled. You’re expecting romance at a moment where he’s operating in survival mode. Fantasy and reality aren’t matching, and the gap is where your anxiety is living.

Stop reading into text frequency like it’s a love test. Stop assuming every quiet day means he doesn’t care. And stop pretending you’re the center of his world when he’s literally trying to move his children across the country. You want stability from a man who currently has none.

[Sally]

When someone says all the right things but their actions get fuzzy, your mind starts spinning. And with everything happening in his life right now, it’s easy to wonder if you’re expecting too much… or not enough.

But here’s the thing: people make time for what grounds them, even in chaos. He doesn’t need a perfect schedule or long flowery texts. Just a little effort. A moment that says you matter. And it sounds like you’re not getting that right now, which hurts.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. It just means his life is loud and you’re the quiet part he assumes will still be there. That happens more than you’d think.
You’re not unreasonable for wanting to see him before he leaves. You’re just human. Talk to him when things calm down. Say what you need, simply. And then see how he shows up.

[Author]

Posts