[Silentnoises]

I was with my x girlfriend for a year before she broke up with me a month ago. I still love her and would like to reconcile but she says she is not ready. Although she says this she is always calling, texting and sending me pictures.
She says she would like to be friends with benefits and asked could i wait on her. I responded yes only if we could be exclusive during the wait. I suggested that we let each other know if we started dating or having sex with other people during that time. She said she didnt think informing each other of that info would be a good idea because that would be the same as being in a relationship. That caused serious red flags for me. She claims we are soul mates and to still be in love with me. Im confused. I dont want to be used as a filler until she meets someone new and leaves me holding the bag. She just sent me a text today saying a true love story never ends. We have plans to spend the weekend in D.C for the 4th of July. Obviously we are going to have a good time including sex which she has already mentioned with excitement. I feel like she is playing games and and i am starting to resent her for that. Although most men would look at this as the perfect situation i don’t. I can have sex with anybody but rarely does someone come along that i really care for and love. How long should i wait for her? Should i just cut her off all together and move forward? I feel like a yo yo at this point. Any advice would be much appreciated. I dont want to waste time with her when i could be out finding other potential partners

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that your instincts are right — you should cut it off completely, unless or until she is really for a commitment. Otherwise, she’s going to be using you until someone better comes along, simply so she doesn’t have to be alone or be without sex. Lots of people have ex sex because it’s familiar, safe, and convenient. But that creates a relationship and since she’s not giving you the commitment you want, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you. It’s going to be painful to break up again — because it really is a second type of break up — but sometimes that’s what it takes to really move on. So either don’t go to your Washington DC weekend — or do go as the last blast before the break up — and then move on. If she tries to contact you, explain that you’re not interested in an interim situation. You want all or nothing and you’re not willing to do anything in between any more.

[PassionSeeker]

This sounds really frustrating. She’s telling you one thing but her actions are saying something totally different. It’s like she’s keeping you around as a backup while she figures things out, and that’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who’s all in, not someone who’s just trying to keep things casual until someone better comes along.

If you’re still in love with her, I get why you’re torn, but honestly, you’ve gotta stop being her safety net. You’re not a placeholder, and the longer you let this drag on, the more you’re wasting your time. If she’s not ready for a real commitment, it might be time to cut the cord. Take back control of your life. You deserve better than this back-and-forth.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ugh babe… she’s not “confused,” 😮‍💨. she wants your loyalty, your body, your attention but not the responsibility of loving you back right now. that’s convenience with a cute caption. if she really saw forever, she wouldn’t be keeping her options open. stop letting her dangle you between “almost” and “maybe.” you don’t wait for someone who’s testing how much you’ll tolerate. you walk before she decides for you. love doesn’t play ping-pong. 💅

[Ethan Morales]

Your ex is keeping you in a gray area not fully committed, not fully gone and it’s messing with your head and your heart. She’s dangling familiarity, affection, and sex while refusing the commitment you clearly want. That’s a classic “yo-yo” situation, and it rarely ends well for the person being strung along.

The red flags are loud and clear: She won’t agree to rules that even resemble a committed relationship. She’s making plans for fun and intimacy but leaving the “what next” undefined. She’s keeping you as a fallback while she figures out her own path.

if you want a real relationship, this isn’t it. The fact that you’re starting to resent her is your gut telling you she’s using you as a convenience, even if she claims love or soulmate vibes. Decide your boundary either full commitment or nothing. Communicate it clearly “I care about you, but I can’t do an in-between situation. Either we’re together or I need to move on.”

Be prepared to walk away no excuses, no weekend trips unless it’s a final closure moment for yourself. It sucks, but letting her string you along will waste your time and emotional energy. You deserve someone who is as committed as you are, not someone who wants the benefits without the responsibility.

[Marcus king]

she wants the comfort of having you, without the responsibility of choosing you. When someone breaks up with you but still wants to call, text, send pictures, sleep with you, and keep you emotionally close that’s not love, that’s emotional possession. She doesn’t want to lose you, but she also doesn’t want to commit to you. That’s why she refuses exclusivity and refuses transparency. Because she wants the freedom to explore other options while trusting that you will stay right where she left you.

And when you suggested exclusivity, her answer told you everything. She said transparency is “too much like a relationship.” Translation: she wants the benefits of being your partner affection, attention, intimacy without being your partner. That is not love. That is a safety net.

The reason you feel resentful is because your instincts are working. You already know this doesn’t feel right. You’re not confused you’re just hoping the truth isn’t what it is. And the truth is: if someone loves you and wants to be with you, they choose you. They don’t put you on standby.

[Tara]

You already know but won’t say out loud. She doesn’t want a relationship with you. She wants access to you. Your heart, your body, your attention, your loyalty. But not your expectations. Not your boundaries. Not your commitment. She broke up with you because she wanted freedom. She keeps calling, texting, sending pictures, and planning sex because she still wants the benefits of being loved without the responsibility of loving you back.

“Friends with benefits” wasn’t an invitation. It was a downgrade. She offered you the role of placeholder, emotional support, and sexual backup while she shops for something better. And the moment you asked for the bare minimum of exclusivity, she told you that would make it “too much like a relationship.” Exactly. She doesn’t want one. She wants you to behave like a partner while she behaves like she’s single.

Her “true love story never ends” line is manipulation wrapped in romance. If she truly believed that, she wouldn’t have dumped you. She wouldn’t be trying to keep you in limbo. She wouldn’t be terrified of giving you clarity. These are not the actions of a woman in love. These are the actions of a woman who knows she can pull your strings with the right words.
You feel like a yo-yo because she’s holding the string. Pulling you close when she’s lonely, releasing you when she wants space, reeling you in again when she needs validation. It isn’t love. It’s control. And the resentment you feel is your self-respect waking up.

[Sally]

When someone says they are not ready but still wants your body, your time, your emotional support, that is not love, that is comfort. She does not want to lose you, but she does not want to choose you either. And that will break your heart slowly.

The “friends with benefits” offer, the “true love story never ends” text, the trip she wants you to take her on, that is all her trying to keep you close without giving you anything solid. And the moment you asked for the tiniest bit of clarity, just honesty if either of you saw someone else, she backed away. That tells you exactly what she is planning: freedom for her, commitment from you.

You are not a placeholder. And you are not wrong for wanting something real.

If you stay like this, you will end up hurt and angry. If you walk away, it will hurt, but you will get your self respect back.
Deep down, I think you already know what you have to do. Let go before she drags you through more confusion.

[Natalie Noah]

You genuinely care for her, and your heart wants that connection but what she’s offering isn’t a relationship, it’s a gray area that leaves you vulnerable. Even though she claims you’re soulmates and that she’s in love with you, her boundaries or lack thereof signal that she’s not ready to prioritize you or a committed future. The fact that she wants to keep things ambiguous, enjoy your attention and intimacy, but won’t commit, is a huge red flag. Your instincts about being used as a “placeholder” are very real, and trusting them now will save you a lot of heartache down the line.

It’s painful, I know, but the healthiest move is to set a clear boundary for yourself. Either you step away completely until she’s ready to offer a full commitment or you walk away for good and start opening yourself to people who are fully on the same page. You deserve love that’s all-in, not something that keeps you on a yo-yo of hope and doubt. If you decide to go to D.C., treat it as a final, conscious goodbye enjoy the moments but keep your heart protected. After that, no contact, no “waiting,” just reclaim your energy and let yourself move forward. Your love and loyalty are rare, and the right person will meet you there fully, without these confusing games.

[Member]

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