[lonely26]

Hi April and everyone out there.

Ok will just dive in, sorry if this dont make sense i get muddled up.

I have been married with child for 6 1/2 years before i got married i had a massive crush on a guy at work it lasted for 3 years before i got married and moved away.

Last year we got back in touch, he mentioned he fancied me years ago (i was totally shocked) didnt think he felt the same as there is a large age gap. So we talked every night on phone or on MSN for 6 months where we finely met up for dinner, nothing happened. Then we met again and well the sparks flew. He is an amazing person in every way. Found out he was due to get married in 6 months didnt think he would go through with it, he told me he was having second thoughts but i never told him i loved him or had strong feeling for him as i think it was obvious. I found out he had strong feelings for me but got married regardless.

Anyway i was drunk one night & had the courage to ask him why he got married when he had strong feelings for me. he said ” for a purpose in life. He likes her but loves his step son and dont want to hurt him, like his dad has”

I dont know if i’m coming or going at the moment. Its made my feeling for my husband very confusing. i have been growing apart from my husband for 3 years now and him coming into the picture as confused it more.

Keep thinking if i split from my husband will he join me? it will def make it easier but then will i just be a bit on the side for him, He says he loves me and dont want to lose me. when were together we talk about everything the sex is amazing and i heard a conversation he had with his wife. he never said love you or anything sounded like a friendship call.

Has anyone been in this situation before any advise would be brill.

Thanks Lonely26 xx

[Ask April Masini]

Although you didn’t say it, I’m surmising from your post that you’re having a full fledged affair with a boyfriend who is married, as are you.

Your boyfriend will not leave his wife. In fact, his reason he gave you for marrying her is that he wants stability in his life and he doesn’t want to abandon his stepson the way the boy’s father has. Listen to what he’s saying. He’s telling you out and out that he wants to keep his family intact. Your fear that you will be just an affair on the side, even if you do leave your husband for your boyfriend, is well founded, and you are right. You will only be a mistress to him if you stay in your marriage or leave it.

Since I’m sensing that you don’t want to be, as you called it, “just a bit on the side,” then the advice I have for you is very clear: Stop seeing your boyfriend and focus on your marriage and family. Growing apart from your husband for 3 of the 6 years you’ve been married is not a deal breaker in marriage. What it does mean is that you’ve left space in your marriage for distractions like this old crush, who’s now become your boyfriend. My suggestion is that you close that space and work on your marriage. It sounds like you have a good man and a child at stake in the mix and no commitment from the boyfriend, so the math is pretty clear. Your best outcome is to stay and work on your marriage.

Lots of people don’t understand that marriage is actually hard work, and that if you don’t do the work, your relationship will become weakened and susceptible to outside influences. It’s very normal to grow bored or to grow apart. It’s also very normal to try and reconnect with your spouse.

I’ve written two books called Romantic Date Ideas [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url] and Fun Date Ideas[url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/ideas-for-a-fun-date.html[/url] for couples who are either dating or in committed relationships who want to amp up their time spent together. I think you could use that in your marriage.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go! 🙂

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