[medicgirl]

Hi there, if anyone could help me I would really appreciate it, as I’m so confused as to what action to take.

I’ve been dating this guy for nearly 2 years now and we have a wonderful relationship. We get on like a house on fire and he treats me like a princess and does everything he can to make me happy. Problem is that a couple of times, I’ve wondered whether I actually want to be on my own (especially after we haven’t seen each other for a while). I’m in my early twenties and he’s about 10 years older. He’s been so understanding the last few times that I might be scared about the future of possibly being just with him for the rest of my life, and we’ve reconciled because I do love him. These feelings of wanting to be alone again has arisen again but he’s not so understanding now, more irritated.

I don’t know whether its because I feel I’m missing out on dating in my 20s and meeting other guys, or its because I don’t want to be with him any more. But when I think about leaving him, I can’t bear to think about not being with him and I’m scared I’ll never find anyone else I’ll have this sort of chemistry with and will me treat me right. My friends tell me to really think about it because they know we’ve got such a good relationship and they don’t think a guy like that comes along very often.

Also we have sex a lot less because I don’t feel like having sex so often now, which worries him. Am I not sexually attracted to him any more? Is this why I want to be alone?

I have to make a decision soon because it’s not fair on him to keep chopping and changing what I want. I’m just so scared that if we break up, it will be the biggest regret of my life.

[Ask April Masini]

If you can’t decide what to do intellectually, then stay with him and see if you can find ways to feel more sexual so your sex life picks up. That’s one problem that I believe is fixable. It’s very normal to have your sexual urges ebb and flow, but if you treat YOURSELF like a sexual being and purposefully try to amp up your sex life by setting the scene and buying sexy lingerie among other things, that part of your relationship can and will get better.

If, however, you truly feel that you’re giving up part of yourself in exchange for the relationship and you think it’s a bad deal for you, things will get worse. You’ll get more frustrated and bitter within the relationship and he’ll become less patient with who you’ve become.

You may be two terrific people who love each other but just aren’t compatible because you’re not ready for the same thing at the same time. It’s a lot harder to break up with someone who isn’t doing anything wrong, for the simple reason that you don’t want enough of the same things at the same time. When guys cheat or lie or treat you badly, the break up is a lot easier to employ. But this is a hard one because he’s a good guy who may just not be YOUR particular Mr. Right at this time in your life.

You can’t hang on to him forever, nor should you, so make a decision based on what I’ve advised — and let me know how things go.

I hope that helps.

Please join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you as a free member of AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url]

[medicgirl]

Thanks April for the advice. It’s made me consider my relationship from another perspective, that if this keeps going on year after year and I do become bitter from my ‘missed years’, it will eventually just sour our relationship. I guess I just have to consider whether my commitment for this relationship matches his. It will just be heartbreaking to let him go because he’s wonderful and my best friend.

[Ask April Masini]

You got it!

I know you see how hard this is and it will be heartbreaking to let him go, but it will be heartbreaking to give up your own life for someone when you’re not ready for it. Either way your heart will ache, but you will get over the pain and you’ll know you’ve made the right decision when you do so.

Good luck!!

Join me on Facebook to keep in touch there, too. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

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