[LLC1987]

Hi April,

I was dating this guy for about two years and everything was great. He came into my life during a time where I was just getting out of a horrible relationship and trying to pick up the pieces. About a year into our relationship he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Everything was going well but he soon became lazy and stopped putting in any effort to keep us together. There were times where we would go a month without seeing each other and he acted fine with it. In May of this year I got fed up with everything and told him stuff needed to be fixed. He kept putting it off and playing with my emotions. He would tell me he loved me and didn’t want to lose me, but would only discuss things through text. I told him that would not work because our issues can’t be fixed like that. This went on for a month or so and finally we talked and he said he wanted to work on things. The next day he acted like a jerk again and I said I had enough and ended it. I asked to keep the ring and he left it in his garage for me. I have not spoken to him in over a month and have been trying to move on. Last week I had been having a tough time and decided to look at his Instagram since his is public and we no longer follow each other and he is not able to see mine since it us private. I looked a couple days later and realized that he had blocked me and I can’t understand why since we have had no contact. I have been through a lot with this and my prior relationship. He promised me the world and to never treat me like my boyfriend before. I just don’t know how to deal with this anymore.

[AskApril Masini]

Got it — you’re 29 and he’s 30 and you broke up after two years because he lost interest in the relationship and it didn’t seem to have any forward motion. All that makes sense. That he disconnected you from his social media also makes a lot of sense given the break up. Lots of people do this to help themselves move on, and I think he was right to do this. Seeing an ex on social media can be a painful reminder that you’re not together and that one or both of you are moving on, or are dating again. During a break up there’s often a need for boundaries and space to help one and/or both of you to move on. That you’re upset about it is just because it’s like the scab of the breakup being picked at again, now that you see another place in the world where the two of you are not together any more — even as social media buddies. It’s normal and the pain will help you move on.

You’re at an age where it sounds like you’re looking for marriage, and it’s good to have a goal that you’re clear on. But make sure that when you start dating again, that you focus on that goal. Lots of times people pull the wool over their own eyes about problems in the relationship, hoping they can will changes. If you have deal breakers between you, move on. And if only one of you wants to be in the relationship and work on it, as painful as that is, it’s a big clue that a break up is coming.

[Member]

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