[gemini8510]

Hi

I need advice please.. I met my boyfriend Nov last year (So we’ve been together 5months) he was introduced to me by his sis who i work with.. We hit it off really well and had done a lot together in a space of 5 months…
Thing is the only problem i have is his ex… They have a dog together and at first the arangement was they took in turns to look after him.. I didn’t have a problem with this at all at first.. You see they were together for 3 years and a year of that they went councilling to try solve their problems.. they split up a year ago but gave it another go in may last year for couple of months but didn’t work so my bf move out and moved in to his place in aug..
His ex was up and down and never knew what she wanted.. one min she would want to have a baby then she didnt then she wanted to move abroad then she changed her mind, hence why they split…
Anyway they brought a house together and she’s living there now..
Now things started to change since i got together with him… she started to find out who i was and even invited me to her bday do couple months after my bf and i been seeing each other.. i didnt feel comfy with this and my bf didnt see it as a prob as his ex found a new bf .. anyway after nearly breaking up it turns out he couldnt go as he had the dog… so that was fine.
Then one time he was on facebook and was looking at the pictures of his ex’s new bf and i asked him he was a bit jealous and he said yes but he said he felt sorry for the bloke… i thought it was a bit rude doing it in front of me..

Anyway since then his ex broke up with her bf and been saying to my bf that she’s finding it hard seeing him with me etc..
she even said she didnt want the dog anymore a month ago and now she’s been bombarding my bf to have the dog back and even posting bag of roast dinner for the dog and asking to walk him etc..
i put my foot down and told him that i cannot put up with this any longer…
he said he hasn’t been replying but he said she might come in handy in the future! I was asking why can’t he stand on his own 2 feet and why does he need her help etc.. he said she’s only an option..
He even said i was the one and chooses me and that give him a week to prove that he will sort out the mortgage papers (his ex been saying that the letter’s on the post for him to sign the house over to her as she’s taking over it) but so far nothing.. she’s been delaying it and he’s not contacting his solicitor
I never had a problem with ex’s before.. i’m friends with my ex’s ex and we go out a lot but it seems this one is going out of her way to ruin us…
my bf had said that she is finding it hard as he was her rock… she doesn’t like seeing him with someone else but
it’s not my fault she didnt make it with him… i don’t want to keep going on to him about her as i know i will eventually push him away but he is sooo laid back that he tries to keep everyone happy when really he’s making me miserable.. i can’t make her go away but i wish she would leave us alone..
he’s been invited to a mate’s birthday do who is married to his ex’s best mate so they bound to bump into each other ( i can’t go as i’m working) and i’ve been trying not to bring her or the mortgage papers up but i’m finding it hard 🙁

Please help 🙁

[Ask April Masini]

You are right to be concerned, and I’m glad you’re only into this five months. Your boyfriend is still connected to his ex-girlfriend by real estate, a dog and some residual feelings, and he’s not letting go. While it’s true they’re not married, the reality is that he’s not over her, and you’re justifiably upset.

However, please don’t blame the ex-girlfriend. In fact, don’t blame anyone. Instead, accept the situation which has presented itself clearly, and decide where your place in this is.

I can help you by telling you that your boyfriend is not ready for a serious relationship with you because of his commitment to his ex-girlfriend and his own desire to be everything to everyone — except you! 😳 Rather than try and change him (can you spell “failure”?), realize he’s not right for you and move on.

Dealing with his ex-girlfriend shouldn’t be your problem in this scenario, but because HE’S decided to continue to make her part of his life, there isn’t room for just one woman. You can do better, and I think you will! 😀

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