[Anonymous]

I have ended a relationship 3 months ago. It was my only one thus far. I took a holiday, and thought I’d try and meet girls in clubs and such. Just because I never had the excitement of doing something like that, and it’s an experience I’d like to have at least once in my life.

My first question is, therefore, do you think this is wrong? I can look for a relationship, but until then I’d like to know what this feels like.

I went out last night, and didn’t have much luck. it’s one thing to take care of hygiene and clothes, it’s another to play the seduction game that I never really did, therefore have no practice. I’ll list last night’s moments I consider most relevant, and I’d appreciate your comment

– I’m dancing, and I hear some girls behind me comment in a laughing voice. I check them out in the mirror and I hear them talking and laughing “He’s looking at us in the mirror!”. Then one of them comes up from behind me and pinches me, then goes back to her friends. I didn’t do anything, cause I figured she was just mocking me.

– I get closer to this cute girl with glasses, and one time we even sing to each other. But I was probably looking for a sign that never came, and eventually another guy came up to her and her friend and they hung around together for the rest of the evening.

– Closer to the end of the night, I am standing close to this cute half-Asian girl, and she doesn’t seem to be ignoring me. Eventually, we dance together this one song, with even a little choreography. In the end she tells me I’m a good dancer (don’t know if it was ironic), I ask if she’s from here, she asks where I’m from, tells me once again I dance well, then says “Have a good night”. Seems things weren’t reallly going that well.

I’ll be going out tonight again, in a last attempt. I notice that guys don’t wait for girls to smile back at them. They just walk up and start dancing with them. I need therefore to overcome fear of rejection in order to do that. But I wonder what else can I do. Any ideas?

[fionafitz82]

Meriadoc…

It’s great to go out there and have fun! You’ll enjoy that you did in the long-run. A more discrete and less committal way I’ve found is to try a phone service like RedHot Dateline. Keeps things on the down-low, but still gives you that attention and release you want. 😉

xo
-Fi

[Ask April Masini]

No, it’s not wrong to go to clubs and try to meet women that way. Have fun! 😀

Your experiences really don’t sound that bad. What you may be doing is investing too much in what these other women say and do rather than focusing on your own goals. Don’t be afraid to be the guy and ask a woman to dance or to ask her for her phone number. No isn’t cancer. 😉 And yes, can be the start of something great. 😎

Try reading my book written for men who want to date well, called Date Out of Your League. You can download it here, and read it in snippets or all in one sitting — it’s an easy read! [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. From reading you’ll get tips and advice on what women want, what their body language means (super helpful for club hopping) and how to get that girl you think you can’t!

Good luck. 😀

[Anonymous]

Well, I’m afraid the 2nd night didn’t go much better. In fact, if anything it was worse. I can count standing next to several hot-looking girls, who didn’t give me a 2nd glance only to be locking lips with some guy 2 minutes later. That including two that seemingly wanted to be alone, as they were dancing in an isolated corner. I can also remember some looks of disdain, a girl that danced with me then all of a sudden ignored me, another that lost interest the moment I tried to put my hands around her waist, another one pinching me and her (male) friends saying “She likes the way you dance” (probably meaning it’s amusing), etc. Another whose girlfriend said “She likes you”. Go figure why she kept her back turned to me then. To be honest, at the end of the night I felt like I had been the clown of the party. The guy that they will go back home and comment with their friends “Did you see that loser hitting on all the girls?”. Oh yeah, two others complained about my breath. I had brushed my teeth, so it might have been the tequilas I had before.

I know I tried to look confident. So they either think I’m too ugly, too clumsy, too lame, or whatever. I’ll give the book a shot when I can, but I can say my confidence is at an all-time low. And it’s especially hard when you see others getting lucky all around you.

[Ask April Masini]

Take my advice from my last post to you, and get my book, Date Out of Your League, written for men. It’s probably cheaper than the two tequilas you bought at the club, and if you add in the price of club admission, the book is going to be a bargain. Download it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. This book is going to help you a lot more than I can in this column. Please get it, read it, and then ask me whatever you want here from the book.

For now, I can tell you that going to clubs to meet women is great — but it shouldn’t be your only source of finding women to date. You’re investing way too much in clubbing and not enough in the rest of your life. Clubs can be a lot of fun, but they are what they are, and they may not be right for you. I also bet you may be mis-reading some of the things or cues others are saying about you. If you understand that dating is a numbers game, and looking for women to date is also about playing the numbers, you won’t take the (possible) rejection of club girls so hard.

On the other hand, if you’re hitting on half a dozen women in 30 or even 60 minutes, you’re going to be noticed in the club as a man who’s trying too hard. But, again, if you read my book, you’ll get a lot of help that I’m happy to discuss with you here.

Get it and read it and come back with your questions! 😀

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