[mentaldisorderbabe]

Hey April,

I’m 24 and he’s 28; we’ve been dating for about 2 years. Well, we’re planning to get married next year.

As I’m getting more and more comfortable in the re/ship and the thought of marrying him, I get suffocated. Every night before I sleep I think of all the lies and wrongdoings I’ve made. I lied to him about the number of men I slept with, and have been lying about it until now..maybe forever. I live in a city where..it’s quite small, and rumors/news can be spread easily so I do get anxious whenever he’s out with his friends or whoever. Anyone would just tell him about me with this other dude before and so on. Besides, I have a few enemies (not that I want them to be) who love sabotaging my image. So basically, I am pretty much living in fear since then.. I get really tensed if he’s out with someone who is a friend of a guy whom I slept with.

Within these two years, he did question me regarding the people I’ve had sexual relations with and I kept denying them, hoping to be the “nice” girl in his eyes. He told me it’s okay to tell him everything, but I was so scared, so..I didn’t. I know it’s not like a big deal for having to keep the secrets; it’s just that..I know him too well, he can’t accept lies. I get really stressed out if he gets information out there and I just have to keep lying about it. You know, like, it’s like an never-ending sh*t until someone shuts his mouth and move on to gossiping other person.

If I choose not to reveal them, then I’ll be having these thoughts and anxiety..sometimes I resort to sleeping pills. If I am going to tell him, I’ll face the risk for getting dumped and crushed. There are times I think of leaving him and this place. Start a new relationship somewhere else where nobody knows me. Whenever he tells me that he wants to marry me, I feel the sickness inside my stomach. What should I do?

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

The problem with telling lies about yourself is that they build. 😳 You can’t take away the fact that you lied to your fiance, but you can prevent a terrible situation from exploding. If he finds out from his friends that you lied, he’s going to have a terrible time trusting you — much worse than if you come clean now and tell him that you made a mistake when you didn’t tell him the truth. You can’t keep living like this, and you have to face your fears and tell him that you were afraid that if he knew how many men you’d slept with, he wouldn’t want you. Give him the respect to make the decision about whether or not to continue the relationship, himself. If you don’t, there’s a good chance it will end when he finds out the truth. Admit your mistake (not telling the truth), because it’s much better to admit a mistake than to let it become a giant lie over the years that turns into a betrayal.

You can do it. You’ll feel better afterwards, no matter what the outcome.

Let me know how things go, and don’t procrastinate on this!

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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