[Anonymous]

hi, i’ve never posted before but i have a problem that has been bothering me for quite sometime now and i need some unbiased advice here.

i have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years now and had (until 6 months ago) been living with him for well over a year. but 8 months ago i went on medical leave from work and my boyfriend ended up having to cover all our expenses and within 2 months we realized we wouldn’t be able to pay the rent if his hours didn’t improve ..

so 6 months ago we left our perfect little apartment in the country and i moved into his aunt and uncle’s basement in the city (in hopes that i could find a new job that allowed for my health issues) the original plan being that i get a job then he moves up (he’s back with his parents) when either i could cover the bills enough for him to quit his current job in the country or he gets his licence and will be able to drive to and from work from our place in the city

however about a month after i moved in 3 of his coworkers suddenly quit and his hours skyrocketed .. so suddenly i never see him and meanwhile the “apartment” i had moved into had 3 floods causing $1500 of damages and his uncle gets into a car accident and was put into the hospital for 6 weeks .. this causes my boyfriend’s aunt to start taking her stress out on me. also because there were many issues with the basement that i moved into we keep having to fork out tons of money to keep things from either being wrecked or to keep his aunt off my case.

now i seriously love my boyfriend … but all of the stress of living here is driving me mental . and there doesnt seem to be a end in sight and what bothers me most is that i cant seem to get my boyfriend to care about the situation .. i actually get more help from his mother than i do from him .. i really dont want our recently rotten luck to ruin our relationship .. how do i get him to step up and help with the situation rather without nagging him to death? and how do i keep that “spark” in our relationship despite the fact that i barely get to see him anymore (especially since i really do think i could handle ALLL of the other problems if i could just have him home every night)?

p.s. my boyfriend and i have had a long distance relationship before (for a year when i was in college) and somehow this seems so much harder than it was then.

[Ask April Masini]

You’ve had a lot of changes in your lives — and they’re reflected in your relationship.

Your health situation has changed. Your financial situations have changed more than once. Your living situations have changed. And now your distance has changed — again. It makes a lot of sense that with al these real changes, your relationship is changing, too.

In response to your questions, if the only way you can get him to “step up” is by nagging him to death, then you have to understand — he doesn’t want to step up. It’s more important to see who it is you’re with than to try and turn him into someone he isn’t. ❗

In response to your question about keeping the spark in the relationship, you have to not be so available. You’re not in a good situation right now, living in his aunt’s basement with him a long distance away and too busy to see you very often. You’d do better to live with a family member, a friend or a roommate. You need to be independent so that if he wants you, he has to chase after you and get you. Right now, you’re a sitting duck! That’s not very romantic. 😕

I know you think that having him home every night would solve your problems, but the bigger problem is that he doesn’t want to be home every night! You need to step up your game. I think you should read Think & Date Like A Man, that you can get here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s a book I wrote about finding, getting and keeping Mr. Right. I know that this is going to feel like a few steps backwards, but you seem to have lost your man (and yourself) and you need to get him back. I think this book will help you.

Let me know what you think.

And follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom or on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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