[otherknowsbest]

I started university in September and became friends with a guy during the first week (although we’d met on a Facebook group chat a month before classes began). We only see each other three times a week but we fell into a routine of sitting together during lectures and having lunch together afterwards where we joke and chat. A week or two ago, though, I noticed that he can no longer look me directly in the eye for more than a second or two when we’re talking and I’ve caught him staring at me multiple times. I’ve also noticed that he always seems to be around me, even when we’re talking to different people. When we’re not together, he sometimes Facebook messages me for no reason and, regardless of when I reply, he usually responds quickly and with enthusiasm (emojis, stretched out words, exclamation points etc).
I don’t know if he likes me, though, because he hasn’t done anything obvious.

The main thing is, when we’re in a group with other people, whether they be my friends or his, he changes. I’ve noticed that, while he can barely look at me when we’re talking and we can have awkward pauses in our conversations, he has no problem having prolonged eye contact with my girlfriends and seems much more confident with them, even laughing more, and he barely looks at me unless I start talking. The same goes around his guy friends. As soon as the group dissipates and it’s just us two again, he’s back to acting as he usually does.
Does this mean he doesn’t like me much at all and I’m only interpreting his normal, friendly behavior as something more?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’re both 18, there’s a really good chance he doesn’t have a lot of dating experience and he’s responding to you with some anxiety — which is what you’re picking up on when it’s just the two of you. This is normal. It really does sound like he likes you. If you want him to ask you out, then you have to give him a little confidence by showing him how you feel. You can make small talk. You can compliment him. You can ask his advice or ask him questions to get the ball rolling. And flirt with him whenever possible. Guys want to know that they’re not going to fail, and that’s why flirting is such a great tool because it gives the guy a hint that you like him, too, and it sets the stage for him to ask you out with such a fear of failure as he might otherwise have. 😉

[Sally]

Yeah, I get why this is confusing, but honestly this doesn’t sound like you imagining things. When someone suddenly can’t hold eye contact, stares when they think you’re not looking, finds excuses to be near you, and messages you just because, that’s usually nerves mixed with interest, not just friendliness.

The switch in group settings actually points more toward a crush, not less. A lot of people get weird around the person they like most and then act extra confident with everyone else to cover it up.

When it’s just you two, the feelings feel real, so he gets awkward. In groups, he has a buffer and can hide.
If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t keep orbiting you like this or put in that much effort to stay connected. It sounds like he likes you but doesn’t know how to move it forward yet.

[Tara]

You’re not confused, you’re overanalyzing because neither of you has the spine to do anything direct.
Yes, he likes you. Obviously. People don’t avoid eye contact, orbit you like a lost satellite, message you for no reason, and light up your phone with enthusiasm because they’re “just friendly.” That’s attraction mixed with insecurity. He’s awkward with you one-on-one because he cares. He’s confident with your friends because he doesn’t.

Now here’s where you need the slap of truth: his behavior in groups isn’t proof he doesn’t like you, it’s proof he’s intimidated and socially managing his image. Around others, he downplays you so he doesn’t look obvious, vulnerable, or rejected. Around you alone, he drops the act because that’s where the real tension is.

But don’t romanticize this. His attraction doesn’t equal action. And attraction without action is useless. Right now, he’s hiding behind “plausible deniability,” so he never has to risk being turned down. That’s not mysterious. That’s immature.

And you? You’re just as guilty. Instead of asking a simple question or nudging things forward, you’re running behavioral diagnostics like this is a psychology exam. It’s not. It’s two people stalling because neither wants to risk discomfort.

[Member]

Posts