[jlove39]

I met my boy friend on line, we arranged to meet at a coffee shop, we had so much in common, we both went through a lot of bad relation ships and prayed that god would send us some one I felt that my prayers were finally answered it was amazing we hit it off rite a way we had the same interests and the chemistry was out of this world, we decided to take the next step and move in together things were wonderful, he was so loving and compassionate he made me feel so special and loved, he would always tell me how beautiful i was and that i was safe and would do anything to make me happy, he just recently proposed to me and I accepted, a little fast I know but things felt so rite I felt that this is the one that god has sent me. It has been 6 months now and he is not as compassionate as he was when we 1st met he constantly picks on me and when i tell him it bothers me he continues to do it, and he would say rude things to me like “shut the f up” or” look what you did what is wrong with you” and just things that would make me feel disrespected, he some times would say he was sorry, but it is becoming more frequent now. I confronted him and asked him if he was falling out of love with me because of the way he was acting and he said that nothing has changed, i said that he doesn’t treat me the way he did when we first met, he told me that i was insecure and that I had issues that i needed to deal with and that he has done nothing wrong and i was selfish and i need to get a grip. He says he loves me and that nothing has changed but he has and he doesn’t see it or want to. He can be the greatest guy so caring and loving and then he can be totally rude and inconsiderate to my feelings, Am I just over reacting because of my past and I think he is going to leave because that’s what i think some times, that he is getting sick of the relationship and that’s why he is acting this way is that love?..please help me understand…in love and 😕

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds from your post that your fiance is being emotionally abusive to you and the frequency of his mean and hurtful comments to you is increasing. Name calling and putting you down, all the while telling you that you’re insecure and crazy to find a problem in this behavior, is not the way a healthy person in a loving relationship act. 😮 My advice to you is to break it off with him and spend some time not dating so you can reflect on how you got into a relationship and engagement that went so wrong so quickly. Think about what you want in a man, because if you’re not careful, you’ll choose the wrong guy — and luckily, you’re not yet married, so you can avoid a bad marriage, a divorce and possibly children as a casualty of that bad marriage and divorce. In other words, while you may feel desperate and heart broken at the idea of a break up, you’re actually dodging a bullet. This is not Mr. Right. Whether or not he loves you, he is not behaving like a decent human being. Don’t be a victim in this relationship. It’s time for you to move on. And when you do start dating again, slow down and be careful. You deserve to date well in order to find Mr. Right.

[jlove39]

I got a chance to talk to him again and told him how his rude comments made me feel, he said he realizes now what he has done and that he can be a jerk some times and that he would work on that, so far he hasn’t said those things, he told me what really bothered him was the fact that I can be to needy and act afraid all the time that he is going to leave and asked me why can’t we just be in a relationship with out trying to create things that are not there and trust in our relationship. He is right i am afraid that he is going to leave because of my past relationship and when he was saying those things to me it triggered those memories of how things were in my last relationship so of course I am going to feel that way but he says that if he was going to leave I would know it and that he loves me so should I just trust in that and not let my insecurities get the best of me and see how things go first before i just up and leave him?

[Ask April Masini]

I think you should move on. Anyone who picks on you the way he did with a litany of “Shut the F up” comments is not Mr. Right. Cut your losses and don’t waste any more time with a guy who is hurtful. You’ve already invested six months in him. Don’t waste any more time. Move on today.

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