[ladyrae30]

I’ve been dating a guy about a month. He claims he isn’t dating (or sleeping) with anyone else, he took down a dating profile (1 at least) because he says he “found” a girl. He spent Thanksgiving with me and my family, we see each other 2 – 3 times a week, talk every day. HE volunteered to fix things around my apartment, he asked me to help set up his new apartment, he asked what OUR plans for the holidays were. He’s wonderful. But I don’t believe him. We are not friends on FB because of an issue early on when we started seeing one another. I happened to take a look at his FB, I wasn’t creeping his page, it came up when I did a search when HE searched his page on my FB. I saw a questionable post, a sexy one, with another woman. I clicked and saw they were talking about possibly meeting when he was in her area on business. I asked him about it and it became a huge fight. He’s currently out of town on business. There have been no more FB exchanges between them. He told me they were friends, that she asked to meet and he wasn’t sure because of his work schedule. She is not his type. He’s a very handsome, educated, well built, sexy man. She works in an arena in a rural area of a southern state and from her FB posts at least seems very loud, crass, and, frankly, unattractive. He says they’re just friends. He calls us “friends” because he doesn’t want a relationship. I just don’t what’s going on or where he stands. He says I’m great, he likes spending time with me, he’s not seeing anyone else, but he doesn’t want a relationship. What do I believe? There’s enough there that’s the truth, but there are questions, too. HELP.

[AskApril Masini]

If he says he doesn’t want a relationship, and it appears he’s dating other women from what you’ve seen on Facebook — which is probably true since you met on an online dating site, then believe him: he’s dating other women. That he’s calling you his friend, is just more evidence that he’s not looking for something serious right now.

Don’t make yourself crazy by trying to ignore or twist the writing on the wall. Instead, decide if you want to continue dating him, KNOWING he’s dating other people, and that dating is competitive, or not. If you don’t, then just move on and find someone with whom you feel more compatible. 😉

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[Lune David]

**April, this whole situation is giving ‘boyfriend energy with discount commitment.’

He’s fixing her apartment, spending holidays with her family, making future plans… but the moment Facebook shows another woman, suddenly he’s ‘just a friend’ who ‘doesn’t want a relationship’? Girl, he’s acting like a husband but labeling himself like a WiFi connection — available, but not responsible for any emotional outages.

And let’s be honest: when a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, that’s the only part you should believe. Everything else — the dinners, the daily chats, the repairs — that’s just premium-level confusion.

April, help me out here: why do men treat women like girlfriends, but call them ‘friends’ as if a title costs rent money? Should she stay on this rollercoaster or get off before he posts another ‘just a friend’ from a rural arena?

[AskApril Masini]

Well, Luna, with the title comes commitment. When men reject the title, it’s their way of telling their partner, He loves the fun, but he wants the freedom to do whatever he damn well pleases, .

Men like this always have the same script. Ask them about holidays, and they slip into that soft, careful tone

“Oh, I promised myself I’d keep my relationship low-key this year.”

Meaning, he’s keeping his options open and you’re not the one he’s planning the holidays around.

[Member]

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