[Maya]

So I’ve been with this guy for about 7 months, (I’m a 19 yr old female, he’s 21) throughout that time we’ve been on and off, not speaking for about a week due to petty arguments which were resolved afterwards. But during those break ups which were initiated by me, I made it clear I didn’t want to be with him, specifically telling him I was too busy and had more important things to focus on right now, He even said he was too busy as well, but then Became slightly angry.

He just kept saying to forget about it and let’s start over, like he completely forgot I ended it :?. The last time we broke up he just said ” lol ok ” and that was the last conversation until now, I always feel bad when he contacts me so I told him I’d think about it but he always tells me not to think about and gets upset when I say give me time to think. I just give up and say ok at the end because I feel like he’s hurting. He then got a bit upset when I didn’t say yes right away. I missed him a lot during the breakup (about a month) but I DID NOT make contact with him. Now he’s waiting on me to answer yes or no, I feel like there’s no point in saying no because he will just text again in a week or two saying forget about last time. Btw I have told him that I don’t want to be with him in person numerous times but he kept trying to say don’t think so far ahead. And kept trying to kiss me, saying I want to. I want to be with him but I don’t like how he gets sometimes.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You haven’t really asked me a question, and sometimes people just want to rant about a situation they’re in that they don’t like, and that’s not a bad thing. In fact, sometimes the ranting is part of the process that leads them to a specific epiphany or question. You haven’t really asked a question, so maybe you can think about what it is I can help you with.

You wrote at the end of your post that you want to be with this guy, but you don’t like the way he is sometimes — this is pretty different from the title at the top of your post, where you write that your ex won’t accept your break up. It sounds like you don’t want to accept the break ups, either…. 😉 I mean, if you really wanted to break up, that would be easy. You just move on. But since you’re not moving on…. I’m guessing you don’t want the break ups you’re initiating and going back on, either. 😕 It sounds like you’re using the break ups to let him know you don’t like his behavior…. but that isn’t working because the behavior isn’t changing and you keep breaking up with him and getting back together and you’re frustrated by this dynamic.

Since you probably know, even at age 19, that it’s a lot easier to change yourself than to try and change someone else, you have a few options. 1) You can accept who he is and decide to not break up with him or not argue with him. In other words, status quo, but without the break ups and with [i]your changing your behavior where you expect him to change[/i]. 2) Or you can accept the fact that you would rather be with him than not be with him, even though you fight with him — and stop breaking up with him. This may lead to more fighting, or possibly resolving the issues you do fight about, but it’s staying in the relationship but [i]changing your break up behavior[/i]. 3) Or, you can decide the break ups and fighting and the way he is that you don’t like, are more important to you than the relationship is, and decide to move on in this case, [i]changing your behavior of breaking up and going back to him[/i].

Does that help?

Let me know if you have any more questions — and if you would, check in with me to let me know how things go.

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[Natalie Noah]

You’re caught in a cycle where your feelings and his behavior are colliding, and it’s creating this constant back-and-forth that leaves both of you frustrated. You care about him, you miss him, and you want to be with him but at the same time, there are things about the way he acts that you don’t like or that make you uncomfortable. That tension is the root of the repeated breakups. You’re not wrong for needing space when things feel overwhelming, but repeatedly breaking up and taking him back without seeing meaningful change only keeps you both stuck.

April’s advice really highlights something crucial: you can’t make him be different, but you can choose how to respond and what you’re willing to accept. That means either accepting him as he is and committing without breaking up, or stepping away entirely if his behavior crosses boundaries that matter to you. The repeated cycle isn’t just frustrating it also chips away at your sense of control and self-worth. You deserve a relationship where your feelings, boundaries, and needs are respected consistently.

The choice comes down to what matters most: staying with him while working through these challenges or stepping back to protect your emotional health. Either path requires honesty with yourself and a clear understanding of what you’re willing to tolerate. If you choose to stay, it means consciously deciding to stop using breakups as a tool for control or change, and instead finding ways to communicate and manage conflicts constructively. If you step away, it’s about valuing yourself enough to let go of a relationship that’s leaving you in a constant loop of uncertainty and frustration.

[Serena Vale]

Right now you’re stuck in a loop, breaking up, feeling bad, getting pulled back in, and nothing really changing.

If you truly want to be with him, then stop breaking up and own that choice. If you don’t, then you have to mean the breakup and hold the boundary, even when he reaches out or guilt-trips you.

What’s not fair, to you or him, is ending things over and over and then going back because you feel bad.

You’re young. Pay attention to how someone makes you feel, not how much you miss them when they’re gone. If his behavior already bothers you this much, that feeling usually doesn’t disappear, it grows.

Clarity comes from choosing, not drifting.

[Member]

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