[Anthony96]

So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 6 months (on the 24th it would be 6) but just recently she started working this crazy shift at a fair were she goes in early or right after school and works until midnight, and on top of that she has school 3 AP classes, Work on weekends, and cross country after school on weekdays and she has to do homework on weekdays and sometimes weekends sometimes it’s a lot sometimes it’s little, but she says that it’s to much pressure that it’s so much pressure to, work her ass off just for minimum wage, work her ass off to be cross country captain just so it looks good on a college resume, and because of all 3 AP classes, and trying to be the perfect girlfriend but can’t hangout all the time because of the schedule she has, she said she needed some space first which after 2 days she was better we went out had a nice time, then 2 days later while she was at work she said “I think I need more space” and by that she meant she needed a break to try and find herself because she doesn’t know where she’s at with all this pressure so we’re having a “break” I’m heartbroken, mind you my first relationship, she said we can still talk in the morning and night but I can’t call her (baby,babe, princess) but I can say “I love you” to her just not over doing it and she said we can still be friends and talk but she wants to find herself and she said once she does she’s coming right back to me, the thing I’m scared about is I don’t want her to leave me, I can’t have her leave me… I need some help on what this means please just help me I’ve been freaking out so much, she also changed her lock screen which was a picture of us because she said it was to sad to look at and then I tried sending a kiss face to her and she said “we’re friends that’s weird well no so much weird but reminds me of something I don’t have right now)…. ): We never argue we’ve had disagreements and have had 1 fight in the past 6 months, she said once she finds herself she’s coming right back to me and that I have nothing to worry about, it’s just scary and I really need some advice/ help!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Sometimes it’s not you — it’s the circumstances surrounding the other person. That’s why compatibility is often just as important as your feelings about someone. You can love someone, but they may be involved with someone else. Or you can love someone but they live on a different continent. These are incompatibilities that make the feelings possible, but the relationship impossible. I’m sure that she has strong feelings for you, but right now, because of her life goals, the two of you are incompatible. 🙁

She wants to use her energy to focus on her academic career, and she doesn’t have time for a relationship. I know this is painful, but this is who she is and what she’s chosen, and it’s important not to fool yourself into thinking this is something it’s not. The fact that the two of you have never had disagreements, and still love each other, makes the break up harder to accept. When there is abuse, fighting and bad behavior, breakups feel justified. But when there are incompatible goals, or incompatible schedules — the justification is just as real. It’s just more civilized. 😉

I’m sorry you’re hurt. And I know that this is hard. My advice is to respect her drive and dedication to her career, and to find someone who is more compatible with you in terms of ability to be in a relationship right now . 😉

Let me know if you have any more questions, and tell me how things go.

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[Natalie Noah]

How deeply this situation is affecting you, and anyone in your position would feel scared, confused, and heartbroken. What she’s going through isn’t a small thing. she’s overwhelmed on every front. School, AP classes, sports, work, exhaustion, pressure to perform, pressure to plan for college, and then pressure to be the “perfect girlfriend.” When someone her age is stretched that thin, they can reach a point where even something good like your relationship starts to feel like one more responsibility instead of a source of calm. That doesn’t mean she stopped caring. It means she’s burning out, and when people are overwhelmed, they pull back from everything, not just romance.

But the second thing that stands out is the very clear boundary she’s placing. She’s saying she needs space, she’s limiting romantic language, she changed her lock screen, and she’s redefining things as “friends for now.” That isn’t meant to punish you it’s her trying to release pressure and find emotional breathing room. She may truly believe she’ll come back when she “finds herself.” But you also need to understand that when someone asks for space like this, they’re telling you they can’t handle a relationship in this moment. And no amount of holding on, reassuring, or panicking will change what she feels she must do. In fact, the more pressure she feels from you, the more she’ll pull away.

The hardest part is the uncertainty the “I don’t want her to leave me, I can’t lose her.” That fear makes you want to cling tighter, but clinging is the opposite of what helps. What actually gives you the best chance of her returning is respecting her boundaries fully, staying calm, giving her genuine space, and focusing on your own life instead of waiting hour by hour for her. Space isn’t a punishment it’s her trying to stabilize herself. And when someone feels safe, unpressured, and not overwhelmed, they’re more likely to drift back toward you naturally. But when they feel smothered, even unintentionally, they drift further away.

Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear but need to: you can love someone deeply and still not be able to control their choices. You can’t force closeness. You can’t rush emotional clarity. What you can do is protect your own heart by giving her the room she’s asking for and not building your entire emotional world around whether she comes back or not. This moment hurts of course it does. But it’s not the end of your worth, your future, or your ability to be loved. If she returns, it will be because she chose you freely, not because you held on tightly. And if she doesn’t, it means someone more aligned with your life and emotional availability is meant for you. Either way, you won’t be abandoned. you’re just being asked to let life unfold without gripping it so hard.

[Frank]

There are really instances like this where the problem isn’t you or the relationship, but the situation itself. There are things that, even if you want them badly, you just can’t force.

There are also times when you have to choose, career or love. You need to accept the reality that this might not be the right time for both of you. You should move on and not rely on something that isn’t certain right now, because you might just end up wasting your time.

You also need to stay open to other possibilities, because you can’t keep waiting for something that may or may not come.

[Member]

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