[Anonymous]

This is a long one, but please stay with me, I need a little input..
I’m just going to lay this all out there — I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year now. I met him last spring, and I thought to myself right away that he was just a friend, and that I would not end up dating him. I knew he was head over heels for me, but I told him that there was not a chance of us dating, I was sure we would end up being good friends though.. which we did. I went away for the summer after college, and he went off to basic training. While we were gone we wrote letters to each other every day, and I kept thinking to myself that I would be an idiot not to snag this guy while I had the chance. He is intelligent, funny, cute, and treats me like a queen. When I got home, I road tripped with his family down to surprise him at his graduation from basic. From there he flew me out to where he was stationed next, and we stayed in a hotel room together. At the end of that weekend he asked if we should make the whole thing official, and I said I wasn’t sure, but agreed to just go along with it anyway. For the next few months I felt like it was exactly as it should be, and missed him while we weren’t together. I’ve never felt deeply in love with him, nor physically attracted. But I’m stuck in this mindset of “well, what if this is the best that comes along for you?” I can’t stand the thought of having sex with him once we get married. I feel so ashamed because I told my family and everyone that I was sure this was the guy I was going to marry when we started dating. And back then I was pretty sure. My big mouth is getting me into trouble and my pride is keeping me from making things right with myself.
The kicker is, he asked my dad’s permission to propose and is having a ring custom made for me. We’ve talked about getting married, and I think if I did marry him, I could learn to love him and be ok with my life. But I think I would always wonder what I missed. Then again, I might wonder the same thing if I didn’t marry him.
His family and I are very close, and everyone in my life knows that we plan on getting married. But is this reason enough to call it off? Any input? Please please please, I’m struggling.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You nailed it when you said your big mouth and your pride were getting you into trouble. 😆 Those are two things that will ALWAYS land you in a bad place — and they have. You aren’t in love with this guy; you don’t like having sex with him; you’re young and wondering what you’re missing and you’re settling way too young. You’ve dug yourself into a hole with each day you lied to yourself, to him and to his family and yours about your feelings for him and now you have a big climb out of that hole, but if you don’t start climbing out now, it’s going to just get worse.

You need to call off the engagement. This isn’t Mr. Right and you know it. Find the courage to tell the truth which is you adore him as a friend, but that you got swept away by the drama of his family road tripping you and his flying you places and romantic letters, but that the reality doesn’t work for you. Yes, he may be fabulous and yes, he will probably find someone else who is great for him when you’re gone — but you will find someone, too — someone you are [b]ready[/b] to marry. Right now, you are not ready, and he’s not your guy.

I’m sorry, but I hope this helps.

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