[Anonymous]

I don’t even know how to tell you this. All (or any at all) of you might find this strange and odd, even wrong. Please, just try and hear me out. I’ve no one to ask and I need to hear someone’s opinion.

To tell y’all he truth I’m kinda nervous, hahaha. Sorry, my attempt at bad humor. Ok, here goes.

Like my topic title says, I am in a real fine fix. I’m stuck and confused and I don’t know how to continue on from here. My story will probonly be the most stereotypical one you’ve ever heard, which to me is kind of ridiculous. (More attempts at humor).

I am currently 18 years old and I am involved with a 30 year old man.

Yes, I actually agree, the age gap between us is a little bit wrong and pretty much unthinkable to almost everyone, thus why I am nervous about talking (or writing) about my current predicament. But I do need some solid advice and I am hoping that April can help me out.

My boyfriend, Alex is 30 years old. The big 3-0. We were actually best friends before we furthered our relationship, so I guess I know him better as a person. I am not the typical 18 year old you all might think me to be. You probably hear that a lot too, I guess. But I don’t think I am one of those teens that “know everything” or “won’t listen to their parents at all.” or that “I know everything better then adults” or whatever else there is pinned to my age.

I’m a good student and I already have college plans and I’m going to find a job during this last year of high school. I don’t come from a broken home, nor am I rebelling in some way to get attention. I do not feel attracted to Alex just because he is “taboo”, or “forbidden” or whatnot.

We actually have a fine relationship. But, I feel a little uneasy about it.

Alex got drafted in the middle of college and had to quit to join the army. He picked up where he left of course and he is now in his last year in college. Which is kind of good and kind of bad. Because he’s 30 and still in college, it’s not painting a good picture of him. My problem is, I’m afraid of my future with him. I won’t say I love him and start being all mushy about how our love is true love, we’re soul mates and all that jazz. So rule that out as a possibility. I’m afraid of my future with him mainly because I believe it might go further then it is now. I live in a small country in Europe called Croatia. In my country (and pretty much in any other I’m assuming) you can’t find a good, or at least a decent job without a college degree. Alex is stuck in a rut and I can’t get him out. He’s still living with his mother and because of this rut he can’t pull himself out. He needs his own place and he needs money and in order to get money he needs a job and he can only get a job once he finishes college. I’m not sure what to expect from him.

I may say that I don’t love him but I do care about him deeply. I’m worried. What if he doesn’t finish college after all? What will he do then? What will I do then?

His previous relationship lasted four year in which the last two his ex cheated on him with one of his friends. He got hurt real bad and is maybe still recovering. Which makes me feel even more lost and confused. I’m not considering leaving him but what do I do? I can’t stop thinking about the worst case scenerio – him as a failure in life. I can’t deal with something like that. I’ve got more then enough on my plate. I’m scared of hurting him but I don’t want a relationship where I pretty much have to worry double time about his life and mine. I’m too young for that but I still don’t want to hurt him. Should I leave him if he doesn’t pass this year or should I stay and continue being with him?

[Ask April Masini]

There is a little confusion in your post that you need to clear up for me before I can see exactly what the problem is:

FIrst of all, you said he has one more year of college to go and then he can get a job, and make money to move out and get his own place. But you said people in Croatia need college degrees to get a job, but you also said that you’re getting a job during high school without a college degree. ❓ ❓ So why is it that he can’t do the same?

Second of all, it sounds like he’s actually got a plan and he’s executing it. 🙂 He was in college, got drafted, served in the military, came back and is finishing college and has one more year. Why do you think he’s in a rut? ❓ ❓

What makes you think he won’t pass his classes?

And why do you feel that you need to worry about him?

You’ve given a perfectly logical explanation for his late launch into the career world — is there something you didn’t say, because I’m not seeing the problem except that you have anxiety about something that you seem to think has to do with him.

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