[Confused man]

To start off, I am 37 and was married to a drug addict for 10 years and separated from her last year. Due to financial issues…I have been unable to file for divorce and have applied for financial aid for assistance with the swituation. I have a daughter with her and shes in active addiction and unreasonable. We seperated 2 years ago before she left for the militarty and was unable to do the divorce while she was away due to the FMLA act. When she got back, she had a relapse and blew all money available for the divorece. I dated a girl during that time for a year and it didnt work out. I spent some time being single and in December I began seeing a fantastic girl that I knew years back and we started getting together and finding that we have something special in common. I really love this girl. We have been dating for over three months and she lives with me now and have plans to move to a larger house and have set forth a plan and goals for us to become stronger. What we are having problems with is that on a few occasions, she came across pictures albums of the previous girlfriend and she feels that I am hanging onto old memories. I deleted all the the pics because I really didnt care about the pics either way. I had computer issues in the past and came to find out that the pics were in multiple locations and she thought i had copied and saved the pics and hid them from her. To correct the situation…I went through the computer and deleted all pics that I could find. What hurt was that her accusations of being sneaky kinda hurt me. I try to be very honest with her. Yesterday, I had a girl that I knew through a friend that her and I hung out a couple times and had sex with 2 times and we never had a relationship. Her and I talked a few times after that and I didnt hear from her for a long time. I got a call form her asking for advice ,that her current boyfriend(and kids father) was using heroin and needed advise on how to deal with it. I talked to the girl for close to an hour, giving her sound advise about what to do and while on the phone, I was in earshot of my current love and even approached a couple times kissing her and making it known to the girl on the phone I was in love with my my girlfriend. After the phone call, my girlfriend expressed “disgust” that I was talking to a girl I had sex with a a year ago. She became very angry when I tried to rationalize with her that there was nothing done, or said, that could have even hinted that I was “emotionally sharing” with the girl who called. In her anger, she said she thought I had “more class” than to talk to an ex. She insinuated that I wasnt being honest with her, and even began putting this girl down. My girlfriend finds it disgusting that I would talk to any girl that I had slept with in the past. Then last night, I had my estranged wife attempt to call me a couple times and was asking(well demanding) money to pay for a ticket she got 2 years ago and her license was suspended and also because our daughter was at a relatives, friends house of hers. I didnt answer phone or answer the texts. Just a hour ago, my soon-to-be-ex stoped by because return the calls and was wanting money. Within earshot of my current girlfriend , I told my soon-to-be-ex that we needed to get the divorce done and needed to get the car, thats in my name into her name cuz she was a drug addict and I am scared that she is going to cause financial problems for me with her driving a car in my name. My daughter was present and I tried to be civil. After she left, my girlfriend became upset that I didint tell my ex to “just stop contacting me” ,to leave me alone. I thought I was doing the right thing by being somewhat civil with my daughter in earshot.
I have tried to talk to my current girlfriend to figure out if shes insecure about me, I have tried to express that I love her in all ways imaginable, I give her access to all things that she can investigate,(email, phone records, Facebook account info) and I am hitting a brick wall. All my friends know how much I care about her and they embrace her knowing I plan to be with her. I have spent every night that we have been together with her watching movies and having quality time with her. I dont encourage ex’s to contact me. I try everything I can to reassure her that I love her and have been very open with her about my past.
What can I do to make things better?

Please, be kind in your comments. I really do plan on a divorce but I do construction and the economey tanked and I have been broke to afford and attorney. I really want this to work with my current girl but I cant seem to do the right thing in her eyes.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes couples fight about not taking out the garbage, but the reality is that the fight isn’t about the garbage at all. It’s about the fact that he favors his mother over her, or he didn’t get her the birthday present she really wanted or she spends too much time at work and not enough in the bedroom. In other words, problems that seem to be the issue, are sometimes not.

Your problems with your girlfriend stem from one thing: You are married to someone else.

You can go to court and get divorced without an attorney — in fact, most people can’t afford attorneys and represent themselves in court. Your courthouse will have a help desk or a help window, and you may have to invest some time filling out paperwork and making a few appearances, but you can get divorced whether or not your wife agrees, cooperates or even shows up. But you have to be willing to do it and not make excuses about the economy, her drug addiction, etc. In fact, if you bring your girlfriend with you to court, to help you figure out the paperwork, you’ll get a second set of eyes on the legal issues, she’ll see you’re moving forward to be committed to her by getting divorced from your wife, and you’ll give yourself some peace from your liability of having a drug addicted, irresponsible wife.

So call the court house and ask for their hours and if they have a department or person who can help you since you can’t afford an attorney and want to get divorced, then do it!

Believe me — your relationship with the girlfriend will get a lot better when she sees you’re actually single! 😉

I hope that helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

Posts