[tentativelyhopeful]

I met a guy in my year when I was in seventh grade (I’m now in eleventh grade) and I’ve had a crush on him since then. It’s held through the years, and even when I developed crushes on other people, I always remained attracted to him and he’d sneak into my thoughts some times. This year though, it got worse. He’s now in absolutely EVERY SINGLE CLASS with me. I see him every day, eight hours a day. It’s torture.
Seeing him so much has made the crush unbearable. I don’t really talk to him much; we’re just classmates. All I know is that he can always bring a smile to my face and that I feel happy just being close to him, although simultaneously sad because I know there’s no hope for anything.
I know it’s only a crush because I don’t know him that well, but there are still things that make the crush stronger. I admire the way he’s not afraid to be who he is and to speak his mind; how he goes after what he sets his mind on, and is clear on what he wants. I love to see those little glimpses of his bashfulness that he almost never let’s out, and how kind he can be.
But I also know that he has his faults (had listed some but don’t have that much space).
I have accepted all of that and my crush is still going strong. I know this probably isn’t healthy or anything but I don’t know how to stop it. Could you please give me some advice on how to get over him? I don’t know what to do and I’m tired of feeling like this. I can’t even think about other guys anymore and I just want to get over him. Any comments and ideas are welcomed.

Thanks.

[AskApril Masini]

It’s really hard to move on from an unrequited crush – especially when you have to see the person every day! This happens to teenagers in classes and adults in work environments. In fact, it’s a universal issue! And there’s no magic solution. The one thing that does work is to get busy and schedule yourself as much as possible, elsewhere. When you have a full calendar — especially one with new events and new people — you’re much more likely to find interest elsewhere, than if you stay in the rut you’re in where you’re seeing the same folks day in and day out, and the same crush eats away at you because nothing else is interesting or new.

You can try a new sport, go to the gym, join a club, volunteer, get politically involved, accept a part time job, run for office, ask your friends to fix you up, make lunch and dinner and weekend dates with family and friends — stay super busy and meet new people. Smile at 20 NEW guys every day!! You just have to shift your focus and help yourself do that by scheduling yourself to give yourself structure to do it.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[tentativelyhopeful]

Thank you for your advice. It does seem like a good plan. Unfortunately, my school is so demanding that I don’t have much time to go out because I always have assignments to do. I’ll try to apply it anytime I can, though.

[AskApril Masini]

Maybe you can do your assignments in the public library — where there will be new people to meet. Or you can do your work at a coffee shop, or join a new study group. Weekends are yours, as well! Focus on a solution, not on being a victim, and you’ll find your way out of this. 🙂

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