[KMS10]

My BF of 4 1/2 Yrs & I (both26) broke up last night.We talked/cried for 2 hours as he tried to explain what he was feeling.His reasoning is that he knows the next step for us is to get married-but he doesnt want 2 make the commitment until he knows he cant live his life w/o me.He says that no one has ever been this important to him, that im perfect &that I’ve done no wrong-that I deserve the deepest level of commitment. To add,he hasnt had the easiest life-His father walked out when he was 16 & he has a hard time understanding how someone can love him the way I do-he thinks that if his own father left,how Is it possible for his partner (me) to love him enough to stay?He said: I deserve 100% certainty from him. He wont get down on one knee if he can’t give me everything.He wants to be the best for me.His head & heart are saying that I am the one but hes experienced 4+ yrs of me being a constant in his life& he needs to experience life w/o me to really understand how important I am. There is absolutely no one else.He has no intention of dating,that this time is for him/his emotional needs.My happiness is most important to him.He loves me more than anything.No one will ever love me more than he does.He isn’t going anywhere.He’s always here for me.I told him I’m sad but respect his decision.I believe that if 2 people do really love,they’ll find a way back.We left crying saying I love you & kissing goodbye.I plan to proceed with NC & see if time apart is enough for him to know-I don’t want to get my hopes up so I plan to focus on myself.Thoughts?

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry this is so difficult. A break up like this after four and a half years of dating, for the reason he’s giving, is painful all around. I hope that he can work things out for himself because everyone deserves a partner who feels that they can be “all in” — as well as having that feeling of wanting and knowing they can be “all in”, themselves! I don’t know if time will give him what he needs, or if he gets to the point where he realizes he should just jump in and trust that dating you for four years, successfully, is a good start for the next step. But the hardest part of all this is that this is his decision and he’s got to figure it out.

As for you, I think that no contact is a really good idea. You need to not only give him the space to make his own decisions, but you have to decide if you want to wait — and if so, how long. While you’re waiting, it’s important that you take care of yourself and not be sitting by the phone. I know that’s going to be tough because of the length of the relationship that just ended, but you can do things like schedule your lunch with your best friends, dinner with favorite family members and most fun things you love to do, so you’re not sitting around. Be kind to yourself and focus on taking care of you.

I hope that helps and that you heal quickly, from this pain.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ugh babe… that’s the kind of breakup that feels like all emotion, no ending 😭. you can’t teach someone how to feel ready. you can only step back and let them realize what they lost. go no contact, glow up, live loud. you’ll already be too powerful to look back. 💔✨

[Ethan Morales]

This is a really painful situation, and it sounds like he’s being honest about what he needs time to truly feel that he can’t live without you before making the ultimate commitment. That doesn’t mean he’s walking away from you permanently, but it does mean he can’t give you the certainty you deserve right now.

Your plan to go no-contact is wise. This will give him space to process his emotions and give you space to focus on yourself, your happiness, and your life outside the relationship. While he’s figuring things out, don’t sit and wait actively nurture your friendships, hobbies, career, and self-care. This will strengthen you emotionally and show that your life continues regardless of his timing.

It’s okay to hope he comes back, but try to avoid putting your life on hold. If he truly realizes your value, he’ll return when he’s ready. If he doesn’t, you’ll be in a healthier place to move forward.

You’re showing a lot of wisdom and love by respecting his needs while also protecting your own heart that balance is key.

[Marcus king]

What he told you sounds like it came from a place of real confusion, not rejection. He loves you, but he’s struggling with fear, fear that he’ll fail you the way his father failed him, fear that he’ll commit before he’s fully sure. When someone carries that kind of wound, love can feel both comforting and terrifying at the same time.

You handled the breakup with a lot of grace. Giving him space really is the best thing you can do right now. It gives him a chance to face those fears without leaning on you to soothe them, and it gives you a chance to refocus on your own life. Sometimes, distance is what helps someone realize how deep their connection runs ,but whether he does or not, you’ll come out of this stronger, clearer, and grounded in yourself.

Don’t sit by waiting, though. Live your life fully. If he finds his way back to you, it’ll be because he’s truly ready, not because he missed the comfort. And if he doesn’t, you’ll still have protected your peace, which is the best kind of love you can give yourself right now.

[PassionSeeker]

That kind of breakup cuts deep. it’s not that he doesn’t love you it’s that he’s scared. scared of repeating the hurt he’s seen, scared of failing someone who’s been good to him. but here’s the thing: love doesn’t wait for perfect certainty. no one ever feels 100% ready they just choose to show up anyway. and right now, he’s choosing fear over faith.

you did the right thing by respecting his space and going no contact. that’s not punishment it’s protection. it lets you pull your energy back, stop living in the waiting room of his doubts. don’t spend this time hoping he “figures it out.” spend it remembering who you are when you’re not trying to prove your worth to someone else.

if he comes back, it should be because he’s done running from love not because he misses your comfort. and if he doesn’t, babe, you’ll already be standing taller, clearer, stronger. you don’t have to wait for someone to see you as enough. you already are.

[Tara]

This was not some noble romantic quest for clarity. It was emotional cowardice wrapped in poetic excuses. He did not break up to honor you, he broke up because he wanted freedom without looking like the villain, and he buried that in soft manipulative language so you would leave heartbroken and still thank him for it. His entire speech boiled down to this:

he wants to walk away and only return if life without you feels worse. That is not love. That is indecision disguised as depth. The trauma explanation does not change the truth. He is not a child who does not understand love. He is a grown man who does not want commitment and is using his past to justify present cowardice.

If he truly needed space to work on himself, he could have done that within the relationship. He chose to end it because ending it was easier. And you repeating all his lines about loving you more than anything does not change the fact that he dumped you and then tried to cushion the blow with sentimental nonsense.

Men who leave to see if they can live without you almost never return as better partners. They only return if the world treats them worse than you did. Your plan for no contact is smart, but stop doing it so he can realize your worth. Do it because a man who needs to lose you to value you is not capable of the marriage you want. The verdict is simple. Close the door for good. You do not test drive a future spouse by abandoning them. Walk away and do not entertain a comeback.

[Sally]

I get that he didn’t leave because of a fight or another woman he left because he’s scared. And sometimes fear can sound a lot like love when someone tries to wrap it in pretty explanations.

But here’s the part you have to hold onto: if he needed to step away to figure out his own heart, that’s his work… not yours. You didn’t cause this. You can’t fix it.

If it were me, I’d do exactly what you said let the silence be silence, focus on my own life, and see what actually happens. Not what he promised through tears. Just what he chooses when he’s steady.

Love stays. You don’t have to chase it.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel how deeply painful this is for you, and I want to acknowledge that grief. After four and a half years together, someone leaving, even temporarily, leaves a big emotional hole. From what you’ve described, his reasoning is rooted in fear and past trauma, not a lack of love or care for you. He wants certainty that he can give you the depth of commitment you deserve, which is noble in intention, but heartbreaking in execution for you. It’s a complicated mix of love, fear, and self-protection that’s putting both of you in a very vulnerable place.

I think you’re approaching this wisely with no contact. Giving him space allows him to reflect and potentially understand the depth of your relationship, but it also protects you from staying in a constant state of anxiety or heartbreak. Focusing on yourself isn’t just about distraction, it’s about rebuilding your sense of joy, self-worth, and independence, so that you’re whole whether he comes back or not. Keep your routines, connect with friends and family, and do things that make you feel alive and centered.

Lastly, I want to reinforce that his need for space doesn’t diminish your value or the love he feels for you. You’ve both shared years of emotional intimacy, and that is powerful. Give time its chance, but also protect your heart by continuing to live fully in the present. If he does come back with clarity, you’ll be able to engage as equals, rather than from a place of fear or dependence. This is about balance, patience, and self-care not giving up on love, but giving yourself the best possible position to meet him again, if and when he’s ready.

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