[Tracyac]

Hi April.
One of the guys I work with and I talk a lot via text in the evenings about sex and he tells me he’d like to sleep with me . We flirt a lot and send saucy photos to each other. At work though we are professional and don’t talk about it at all. He doesn’t flirt with me and we act as close friends. He doesn’the ask me on dates or try and touch me . Several times I have tried to get him to open up and tell me what exactly it is he wants from us but he always shuts down and refuses to answer the question. I am now so confused by his behaviour I don’t know what to do. Please help. Tracy

[Ask April Masini]

He’s actually being very straight forward. It’s just not what you were hoping for. 😕 His behavior indicates that he wants a professional relationship at work, and a sexual relationship without dating, outside of work. You’re confused because you’re thinking there must be some middle ground — like dating, getting to know each other, flirting at work — but there isn’t for him. Nope! He wants sex outside of work, without a traditional, romantic relationship. And that’s it.

As for what you should do, it’s up to you. If you want a sexy fling, he’s ready and willing. If you’re looking for a romantic, dating relationship that’s traditional, he’s not your guy. When you try to get him to open up, and he shuts down, it’s because he doesn’t want to open up. That’s his way of letting you know, he’s not into romance and dating. I wish I could tell you more, but this one is pretty simple. What you see is what you get.

Hope that helps!

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you are the one confused, 😩 the flirty texts? yes for ego boost. the silence at work? damage control. man’s basically treating you like a secret side quest. listen babe, you deserve a man who flirts in daylight, not one who hides behind a screen so block the “goodnight sexy” texts and let him miss access, not your worth. 💅

[Serena Vale]

Hey Tracy,

Ugh, I get it. That’s such a confusing spot to be in. He’s super flirty and sexual over text, but in real life he acts like it’s all just friendly? That’s a huge mixed signal.

Honestly, it sounds like he likes the attention and the thrill of it, but doesn’t want to deal with anything real. When a guy can talk about sex but can’t answer a simple “what do you want from this?” that says everything.

You’ve already tried to get clarity and he shuts down. That means he’s getting what he wants right now, the flirting, the ego boost, without giving you any answers. You don’t owe him that kind of energy.

If you pull back from the sexual stuff, you’ll see real quick what he’s actually after. Either he’ll step up or disappear, and either way, you’ll finally get your peace back.

You deserve someone who’s open, honest, and not afraid to be clear about what they feel. ❤️

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s what’s going on: he’s being very clear with his actions, even if it’s not what you want. 😉

At work, he wants professional boundaries no flirting, no touching, nothing romantic. Outside of work, via texts and photos, he’s expressing sexual interest only. He’s not looking for a traditional dating relationship, emotional intimacy, or anything that involves “us” beyond sex.

When you ask him to clarify and he shuts down, that’s his way of setting limits. he doesn’t want a romantic connection. He’s not hiding anything; he’s being upfront in a very practical way.

What you do next depends on what you want: If you’re okay with a no-strings-attached sexual relationship, you can continue the texting/flirting dynamic, but keep it outside of work. If you want romance, emotional closeness, or dating, he’s not your guy and continuing the flirtation will only confuse and hurt you.

It’s basically: what you see is what you get. There’s no middle ground here.

[Marcus king]

Tracy, that kind of situation can really mess with your head, especially when the signals are so mixed. What he’s doing, keeping things flirty and intimate over text but detached and distant in person suggests he likes the excitement and attention, but doesn’t want to take responsibility for what it means.

If he really wanted something deeper, you’d see consistency between how he talks to you privately and how he behaves with you at work. But right now, it sounds like he’s keeping the fun parts and the photos, the flirting, without risking anything real. That’s why he avoids answering when you ask him to be clear. He doesn’t want to lose what he’s getting, even though it’s unfair to keep you hanging like this.

You deserve to know where you stand. The next time the conversation turns flirty, stop and say, “Before we go any further, I need to understand what this is for you, because I’m starting to feel confused.” If he still avoids the question or minimizes it, that tells you everything, you’re not being met halfway.

It’s okay to step back from this. You can still be friendly at work without giving him access to that side of you anymore. Protect your peace first; a man who truly wants you won’t leave you guessing.

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